Some people think that professional athletes make good role models for young people, while others believe they don’t.
Discuss both these points of views and give your own opinion.
While convincing arguments can be made both in favour as well as opposite to it. But, it is my inveterate conviction that influence of professional athletes on juvenile as their role models promotes a positive energy / zeal in them and elaborate my views in the following points.
The strongest point in favour to me that athletes are those who represent a country / nation and following their daily activities and other interests related to them like helping nature, charity, visiting places helps young individuals to know them more extend and have a positive attitude towards their role models makes mind clam and if role models mentality is good automatically makes their followers treat their role models interest makes their own interest similarly individuals mind or behaviour will also similar to them. For instance,if X role model gives a charity to an orphanage or society from his income, then follower also try to give some amount from his money to society or orphanage.
Apart from above, professional athletes are now-a-days treated as celebrities which makes their followers to have a current updates like his daily activities,upcoming activities or events. Gathering all this information makes juvenile to have their impact in their daily activities. for example, if his role model giving support to any local parties or bodies in the elections will make their followers fascinate towards those local parties.
Having said that mention must also made on contrary side, as I said before followers or individuals who are attracted towards some athlete are tried to imitate them in their real life if it is good then their will be no problem but if it is something bad they are following it can violate the rules of the society and may disturb the society and also has impact on their life.
Overall, it is amply clear that there are both pros and cons but it depends on individual young people following pro/con but positives out weigh the negative in this case. Because any social representative will try be a good citizen and his followers treat them as a role models and try to imitate them in real life(majority young people are following pros) in my view.
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that influence of professional athletes on juvenile as their role models promotes a positive energy / zeal in them
Description: 'them' refers to what? Be sensitive to use 'them'.
then follower also try to give some amount
then followers also try to give some amount
treated as celebrities which makes their followers
Description: check books on how to use 'which'
flaws:
Avg. Sentence Length: 36.6 21.0
sentences are too long like:
he strongest point in favour to me that athletes are those who represent a country / nation and following their daily activities and other interests related to them like helping nature, charity, visiting places helps young individuals to know them more extend and have a positive attitude towards their role models makes mind clam and if role models mentality is good automatically makes their followers treat their role models interest makes their own interest similarly individuals mind or behaviour will also similar to them.
Attribute Value Ideal
Score: 5.5 out of 9
Category: Satisfactory Excellent
No. of Grammatical Errors: 3 2
No. of Spelling Errors: 0 2
No. of Sentences: 10 15
No. of Words: 366 350
No. of Characters: 1781 1500
No. of Different Words: 179 200
Fourth Root of Number of Words: 4.374 4.7
Average Word Length: 4.866 4.6
Word Length SD: 2.592 2.4
No. of Words greater than 5 chars: 120 100
No. of Words greater than 6 chars: 95 80
No. of Words greater than 7 chars: 64 40
No. of Words greater than 8 chars: 46 20
Use of Passive Voice (%): 0 0
Avg. Sentence Length: 36.6 21.0
Sentence Length SD: 20.972 7.5
Use of Discourse Markers (%): 1 0.12
Sentence-Text Coherence: 0.387 0.35
Sentence-Para Coherence: 0.708 0.50
Sentence-Sentence Coherence: 0.202 0.07
Number of Paragraphs: 5 5