In some countries, teenagers have jobs while they are still students. Do
you think this is a good idea? Support your opinion by using specific
reasons and details.
The School plays a key role in our lives. It will define our futures, even it will determine our future life's style. Some teenagers still don't understand the important of having a good education, therefore if they work and study at the same time, for sure they will focus on other things and will disregard the school. The school should be the only activity that teenagers should focus on, I based my point of view in some arguments that I will develop in the next paragraphs.
First, if teenagers work while they attend to school, they will waste time. As we all should know, a job is a big responsibility that requires a lot of things. Besides teenagers who are not mentally prepare to carry on any compromise, if they work they will pay more attention to other things than the school. For instance, to earn a salary means that they will buy things that they wish such as video games, clothes, even beers. This will focus their mind in material things and they will consider that school doesn't provide benefits as a job does. Therefore, they will waste time doing other things.
Second, teenagers should not work because they will want to be independent. Many psychologists are concurred upon the fact that the school should be the main focus of teenagers. Heretofore, people thought that teenagers should take part time jobs because in this way they might help their parents and learn responsibility, but new studies have showed that, if they work they might abandon their parents' house. With this in mind, parents are responsible for their young adults' education. Therefore, parents should worry and make teenagers to stay focus in the school. As we can see, teenagers are not mentally and emotionally prepare to be independent.
Even though, I recognize that in some countries, teenagers have to work to support themselves due to the fact that their parents are very poor. Any way, these countries have a high number of young adults who don't finish high school. Clearly, this probed that teenagers should not work.
To sum up, for the reasons stated above, I don't agree that teenagers work and study at the same time because if they do it, they will waste time and also they will want to be independent.
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It will define our futures, even it will determine our future life's style.
It will define our futures, and even it will determine our future life's style.
understand the important of having a good education
understand the importance of having a good education
who are not mentally prepare to carry on
who are not mentally prepared to carry on
are not mentally and emotionally prepare to be independent.
are not mentally and emotionally prepared to be independent.
flaws:
No. of Grammatical Errors: 4 2
More sentences varieties wanted. Try to use less or not use pronouns (like 'I, They, We...') as subject.
Attribute Value Ideal
Score: 19 in 30
Category: Satisfactory Excellent
No. of Grammatical Errors: 4 2
No. of Spelling Errors: 0 2
No. of Sentences: 20 15
No. of Words: 388 350
No. of Characters: 1776 1500
No. of Different Words: 179 200
Fourth Root of Number of Words: 4.438 4.7
Average Word Length: 4.577 4.6
Word Length SD: 2.36 2.4
No. of Words greater than 5 chars: 107 100
No. of Words greater than 6 chars: 68 80
No. of Words greater than 7 chars: 47 40
No. of Words greater than 8 chars: 39 20
Use of Passive Voice (%): 0 0
Avg. Sentence Length: 19.4 21.0
Sentence Length SD: 9.378 7.5
Use of Discourse Markers (%): 0.45 0.12
Sentence-Text Coherence: 0.344 0.35
Sentence-Para Coherence: 0.54 0.50
Sentence-Sentence Coherence: 0.093 0.07
Number of Paragraphs: 5 5