Slimville city residents have adopted healthier lifestyles. A recent survey of city residents shows that their exercise habits confirms more closely to what doctors and health practitioners recommend than they did seven years ago. During those seven years, more people have been taking daily walks than ever before. Although a few gymnasium complex in city have been closed down, the other sport complex and gymnasiums see full attendances in some seasons. Because of these positive changes in the exercising habits of slimville city residents, we predict that obesity rate of the city will soon below the national average.
The author provide conclusion that due to healthier lifestyle embraced by people by slimville city, obesity rate of city will soon be below national average. To elicit this conclusion author provides here several premises like finding of survey about exercise habits adopted by people of slimville, increase in number of people taking daily walks and full attendance in some sport complex. These premises are seemingly supporting author's conclusion but can be found out flawed further scrutinizing.
Author here provide the conclusion about obesity rate. He predicts the obesity rate will fall down the national average due to healthier habits. Here, the conclusion is broad statement because the cause and effect relation is not correctly provided. The national obesity average and obesity rate of slimville is not known. It is quite possible that obesity rate of slimville is just over country's rate and after some years it will naturally come down. It is also possible that obese people are moving to other city. Also, the rate is decreasing due to other factor like slimville city are obviating junk food. So, the author's claim is not well supported.
Secondly, author present the prediction that good exercising habits will reduce the obesity. So, to emphasis more on exercise he provide some facts. He state that, some survey show that the exercise habits of slimville residents are closely resembling the recommendations provided by practitioners seven years ago. And this habit will tend to reduce the obesity rate. Here, the credibility of survey is not known. The company who did survey is not mentioned like they are using best practice of surveying is not provided. Moreover, the sample set of survey, the locality of survey area, age range, and occupations of these people is not known. The different areas or different age group or different occupations can inhibit obesity. Also, extrapolation of results of small number of people can’t be imposed on whole city if the population is high. It is also not provided that only doing exercise can control or reduce the obesity, other factors need to be consider here. Also, the exercise habits people are following, provided by pratcioners, are might be outdated, like seven years back. The habits might change today due to changes in weather or various food option's like junkfood. They might be ineffectual. So, it is not quite sure that how these are helping people to reduce obesity.
Author further provide that some gymnasiums have closed down and other are having full attendance some season. These statement doesn't bolster the idea of author. Because author consider this as one of the reason for falling down the obesity rate. The statement is vague. Like why some sport complexes are closed is not known, this is due to people of slimville not following sport or not playing sport is not known. And, why some sporting complex have full attendance some season is not known, their effect on obesity reduction is not provided here. Also, it is not quite clear that how many obese people go to sporting complex have seen weight loss.
Finally, it can be concluded that author is not perfectly predicting the conclusion based on examples provided by author. He needs to consider other factor before making any prediction.
- Slimville city residents have adopted healthier lifestyles. A recent survey of city residents shows that their exercise habits confirms more closely to what doctors and health practitioners recommend than they did seven years ago. During those seven years 70
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Sentence: The author provide conclusion that due to healthier lifestyle embraced by people by slimville city, obesity rate of city will soon be below national average.
Description: The fragment author provide conclusion is rare
Suggestion: Possible agreement error: Replace provide with verb, present tense, 3rd person singular
Sentence: So, to emphasis more on exercise he provide some facts.
Description: The fragment he provide some is rare
Suggestion: Possible agreement error: Replace provide with verb, past tense
Sentence: He state that, some survey show that the exercise habits of slimville residents are closely resembling the recommendations provided by practitioners seven years ago.
Description: The fragment survey show that is rare
Suggestion: Possible agreement error: Replace show with verb, past tense
Sentence: Also, the exercise habits people are following, provided by pratcioners, are might be outdated, like seven years back.
Error: pratcioners Suggestion: ?
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argument 1 -- OK
argument 2 -- not exactly. Don't cast doubts on the survey, accept it as true, but try to find out loopholes.
actually this can be applied to surveys in all essay topics:
'Here, the credibility of survey is not known. The company who did survey is not mentioned like they are using best practice of surveying is not provided. Moreover, the sample set of survey, the locality of survey area, age range, and occupations of these people is not known.'
argument 3 -- OK
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Attribute Value Ideal
Score: 4.0 out of 6
Category: Good Excellent
No. of Grammatical Errors: 3 2
No. of Spelling Errors: 1 2
No. of Sentences: 34 15
No. of Words: 541 350
No. of Characters: 2688 1500
No. of Different Words: 222 200
Fourth Root of Number of Words: 4.823 4.7
Average Word Length: 4.969 4.6
Word Length SD: 2.48 2.4
No. of Words greater than 5 chars: 201 100
No. of Words greater than 6 chars: 144 80
No. of Words greater than 7 chars: 98 40
No. of Words greater than 8 chars: 58 20
Use of Passive Voice (%): 0 0
Avg. Sentence Length: 15.912 21.0
Sentence Length SD: 6.754 7.5
Use of Discourse Markers (%): 0.382 0.12
Sentence-Text Coherence: 0.287 0.35
Sentence-Para Coherence: 0.43 0.50
Sentence-Sentence Coherence: 0.118 0.07
Number of Paragraphs: 5 5