If parents wish to see their children success in life, they should set strict rules for them.
There are different opinions among many people regarding whether parents should control their childre with a strict rule or not for their better futuers. It sounds reasonable to me that guaranteeing their freedom may strengthen thier sense of autonomy in sme aspect. However, I believed that chilidren need certain rule. In this essay, I will present a couple of rationales to support my opinion in detail.
Most of all, taking care of children with strict rule can provide protection not to be addictied with bad habbits. As we all know, childen need protection and limitation in their behaviour because most children are likely lack of the ability of discrimination what is good or bad for their life. In addition, most children have tendancy to be addicted to speicifc thing like game or computer. For example, recent study conducted by Seoul National University, which is a top-tier university in Korea, participated more than 10000, showed that thesdays most children are having problem with addiction to smart phone. They suggestedd that over 70% children spend more than 4 housr in a day on smart phone using googling or doing game. These results demonstrate that children are voulunerble to addicition without intense rule from their parents. It is safe to say that a person with addiciton to something which is not positive for life too much are less become successful in the future. In this sense, having tough rule about chldren's life is importnat for their future.
Moreover, having them experience following strict rule is useful to success for their future life in social aspect. It is ovbious that one is willing to comply with the rule can have more opportunity to success in this society. This is because every place has their own rule and they expect their rules be followed by the group members. Although the companies require special knowledge and skills in their field, they are not likey hire a person who does not respect the companies' rule and policy. So it can be a good to train for children to have experiences compying the strict rules that parents placed on their life style. For exmaple, when I was in company named Novratis, there were two senior employees. I found that one having respectful attitude for the company's rule promoted faster than other one violationg some rules occasionally. In this respect, I am convinced that it is important that children should have an experience with heavy rule carried by their parents.
need certain rule.
need certain rules.
need a certain rule.
most children are likely lack of the ability of discrimination
most children are likely lacking of the ability of discrimination
most children likely lack of the ability of discrimination
a person with addiciton to something which is not positive for life too much are less become successful in the future.
a person .. is less becoming successful in the future.
one is willing to comply with the rule can have more opportunity
one is willing to comply with the rules which can have more opportunities
they are not likey hire a person
they are not likely to hire a person
Sentence: There are different opinions among many people regarding whether parents should control their childre with a strict rule or not for their better futuers.
Error: futuers Suggestion: futures
Error: childre Suggestion: children
Sentence: It sounds reasonable to me that guaranteeing their freedom may strengthen thier sense of autonomy in sme aspect.
Error: thier Suggestion: No alternate word
Error: sme Suggestion: No alternate word
Sentence: However, I believed that chilidren need certain rule.
Error: chilidren Suggestion: children
Sentence: Most of all, taking care of children with strict rule can provide protection not to be addictied with bad habbits.
Error: addictied Suggestion: addicted
Error: habbits Suggestion: habits
Sentence: As we all know, childen need protection and limitation in their behaviour because most children are likely lack of the ability of discrimination what is good or bad for their life.
Error: childen Suggestion: children
Sentence: In addition, most children have tendancy to be addicted to speicifc thing like game or computer.
Error: tendancy Suggestion: No alternate word
Error: speicifc Suggestion: specific
Sentence: For example, recent study conducted by Seoul National University, which is a top-tier university in Korea, participated more than 10000, showed that thesdays most children are having problem with addiction to smart phone.
Error: thesdays Suggestion: ?
Sentence: They suggestedd that over 70 children spend more than 4 housr in a day on smart phone using googling or doing game.
Error: suggestedd Suggestion: suggested
Error: housr Suggestion: house
Sentence: These results demonstrate that children are voulunerble to addicition without intense rule from their parents.
Error: addicition Suggestion: addiction
Error: voulunerble Suggestion: vulnerable
Sentence: It is safe to say that a person with addiciton to something which is not positive for life too much are less become successful in the future.
Error: addiciton Suggestion: addiction
Sentence: In this sense, having tough rule about chldren's life is importnat for their future.
Error: importnat Suggestion: important
Sentence: It is ovbious that one is willing to comply with the rule can have more opportunity to success in this society.
Error: ovbious Suggestion: obvious
Sentence: Although the companies require special knowledge and skills in their field, they are not likey hire a person who does not respect the companies' rule and policy.
Error: likey Suggestion: likely
Sentence: So it can be a good to train for children to have experiences compying the strict rules that parents placed on their life style.
Error: compying Suggestion: copying
Sentence: For exmaple, when I was in company named Novratis, there were two senior employees.
Error: exmaple Suggestion: example
Sentence: I found that one having respectful attitude for the company's rule promoted faster than other one violationg some rules occasionally.
Error: violationg Suggestion: violation
flaws:
No. of Grammatical Errors: 5 2
No. of Spelling Errors: 22 2
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better to have 4-5 paragraphs:
para 1: introduction
para 2: reason 1
para 3: reason 2
para 4: reason 3 (optional)
para 5: conclusion
or:
para 1: introduction
para 2: idea one.
para 3: however, idea two
para 4: in my opinion...
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Attribute Value Ideal
Score: 19 in 30
Category: Satisfactory Excellent
No. of Grammatical Errors: 5 2
No. of Spelling Errors: 22 2
No. of Sentences: 20 15
No. of Words: 411 350
No. of Characters: 2010 1500
No. of Different Words: 227 200
Fourth Root of Number of Words: 4.503 4.7
Average Word Length: 4.891 4.6
Word Length SD: 2.521 2.4
No. of Words greater than 5 chars: 144 100
No. of Words greater than 6 chars: 108 80
No. of Words greater than 7 chars: 70 40
No. of Words greater than 8 chars: 42 20
Use of Passive Voice (%): 0 0
Avg. Sentence Length: 20.55 21.0
Sentence Length SD: 5.954 7.5
Use of Discourse Markers (%): 0.35 0.12
Sentence-Text Coherence: 0.296 0.35
Sentence-Para Coherence: 0.429 0.50
Sentence-Sentence Coherence: 0.094 0.07
Number of Paragraphs: 3 5