The diagram below shows the average hours of unpaid work per week done by people in different categories. (Unpaid work refers to such activities as childcare in the home, housework and gardening.)
Describe the information presented below, comparing results for men and women in the categories shown. Suggest reasons for what you see.
The bar chart illustrates the difference between the hours devoted to unpaid activities per week by man and women, according to the number of children in the family. Unpaid work relates to such activities as housework, childcare and gardening in the home.
Overall, it can be clearly revealed that the amount of unpaid work done by women strongly stands out in comparison to responsibilities of men.
In families without children, women labor for 30 hours a week, while men's work averages nearly 19 hours per week.
When children are born in the family, female duties start to increase considerably, which is due to the demand of childcare. What's more striking is that man's responsibilities are reversely falling. In the families having 1 or 2 kids, women work in the house grows sharply to 50 hours per week devoted to both housework and childcare, whereas men work slightly falls to 17 hours.
Likewise, with the rise in the number of children in the house, consistently women's contribution to this increases to approximately 60 hours per week, with the decreasing number of men's work, reaching practically 15 hours.
In conclusion, it can be noticed that the more children are in the family the more inequality between female and male unpaid work occurs.
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flaws:
Number of Paragraphs: 6 4
better to have 4 paragraphs:
para 1: introduction
para 2: body 1
para 3: body 2
para 4: conclusion
sample:
http://www.testbig.com/ielts-essays/graph-below-gives-information-about…
or
para 1: introduction
para 2: conclusion
para 3: body 1
para 4: body 2
sample:
http://www.testbig.com/ielts-essays/graphs-below-show-types-music-album…
Attribute Value Ideal
Score: 7.0 out of 9
Category: Good Excellent
No. of Grammatical Errors: 0 2
No. of Spelling Errors: 0 2
No. of Sentences: 9 10
No. of Words: 210 200
No. of Characters: 1025 1000
No. of Different Words: 111 100
Fourth Root of Number of Words: 3.807 4.7
Average Word Length: 4.881 4.6
Word Length SD: 2.823 2.4
No. of Words greater than 5 chars: 72 60
No. of Words greater than 6 chars: 52 50
No. of Words greater than 7 chars: 39 40
No. of Words greater than 8 chars: 24 20
Use of Passive Voice (%): 0 0
Avg. Sentence Length: 23.333 21.0
Sentence Length SD: 7.846 7.5
Use of Discourse Markers (%): 0.444 0.12
Sentence-Text Coherence: 0.46 0.35
Sentence-Para Coherence: 0.799 0.50
Sentence-Sentence Coherence: 0.095 0.07
Number of Paragraphs: 6 4