Tobacco is a kind of drug. People have been free to use it. Some people think that it should be illegal to use it comparing with other drugs. To what extent do you agree or disagree? What is your opinion?
Every year, thousand of society in this world die because of tobacco, not only user active as a smoker but also passive smoker. From this reason i disagree for making legal company who produce cigarette. However, I also believe that create policy regulation would safe million workers who have job in this factory.
It is irrefutable that tobacco especially cigarette is cause of lung cancer, heart disease and so on. Because cigarette does not have regulation for someone who wants to smoker, in fact students from junior high school try this bad habit. They do not know negative effect of cigarette although there is warning in cigarette’s box. Several smokers who cannot do their job without cigarette willing do anything to have much money to buy it. As a matter of fact large number of youngster become crime because need money. Moreover, father/mother who addicted with cigarette would influence to their member of family healthy.
In spite of that, cigarette company reduce significantly homeless in every country which is has this factory. For instance, in Indonesia, there are 6.1 million workers have a job in tobacco as a subject. If this businessbecome illegal would create them become jobless and could make them to do criminality for getting much money. Moreover, tobacco’s company supply big income for country. Several countries get big tax from this firm for developing their society. it means if tobacco become illegal, would decrease income for country.
To put it in a nutshell, I would like to write that banning tobacco corporation is not good decision. Government should generate new regulation for smoker where they have to smoke.
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Sentence: Every year, thousand of society in this world die because of tobacco, not only user active as a smoker but also passive smoker.
Description: The fragment world die because is rare
Suggestion: thousands of people die in this world
Sentence: Moreover, father/mother who addicted with cigarette would influence to their member of family healthy.
Description: A WH-pronoun, nominative is not usually followed by a verb, past participle
Suggestion: Refer to who and addicted
Sentence: In spite of that, cigarette company reduce significantly homeless in every country which is has this factory.
Description: The fragment company reduce significantly is rare
Suggestion: Possible agreement error: Replace reduce with verb, present tense, 3rd person singular
Sentence: Moreover, tobacco's company supply big income for country.
Description: A noun, singular, common is not usually followed by an adjective
Suggestion: Refer to supply and big
Sentence: If this businessbecome illegal would create them become jobless and could make them to do criminality for getting much money.
Error: businessbecome Suggestion: business become
flaws:
No. of Grammatical Errors: 4 2
Sentence Length SD: 4.138 7.5
Read a good grammar book.
Attribute Value Ideal
Score: 5.0 out of 9
Category: Satisfactory Excellent
No. of Grammatical Errors: 4 2
No. of Spelling Errors: 1 2
No. of Sentences: 16 15
No. of Words: 272 350
No. of Characters: 1351 1500
No. of Different Words: 162 200
Fourth Root of Number of Words: 4.061 4.7
Average Word Length: 4.967 4.6
Word Length SD: 2.487 2.4
No. of Words greater than 5 chars: 109 100
No. of Words greater than 6 chars: 80 80
No. of Words greater than 7 chars: 39 40
No. of Words greater than 8 chars: 24 20
Use of Passive Voice (%): 0 0
Avg. Sentence Length: 17 21.0
Sentence Length SD: 4.138 7.5
Use of Discourse Markers (%): 0.625 0.12
Sentence-Text Coherence: 0.332 0.35
Sentence-Para Coherence: 0.535 0.50
Sentence-Sentence Coherence: 0.078 0.07
Number of Paragraphs: 4 5