The following was used as part of an internet advertising company's appeal to businesses: Furniture Depot employed our internet advertising company to help. Since then its sales increased by 10% over last year's totals. Furniture Depot's success demonstrates how using our internet services can increase your profitability. "
The internet advertising company appeals to businesses by using one case example with Furniture Depot to demonstrate their services overall effectiveness. Their claim to increase profitability needs to be examined in more details since it lacks evidences, makes unjust quantifcations, and unjust assumptions.
First, the company falsely implies that increase in sales is translated into increase in profitability. If the cost of the internet service is more the the rise in the sales, the the Furniture Depot would have actually experienced a decrease in profitability even though it increased sales by more than 10%. Thus, to strength the company's claim, they need to show that the cost of the internet services is far less than the rise in sales.
Second, there is no evidence that shows that the rise in sales is directly related to using internet services. Are there other factors that could have increased Furniture Depot's sales? Furniture depot could have launched a new product line that were extremely popular which resulted in the increase in sales. Therefore, in order to make their conclusion more logically sound, they need to provide more proof that rules out other factors as causes for the increase in sales for Furniture Depot.
Moreover, the evidence only indicated one year of increase in sales. Is the service only one time benefit? The Furniture Depot example's time frame is too short since there is no evidence that the rise in sales is sustained over long term. The coinclusion would be strengthened if the company provided more data that indicated the benefit is sustainable.
While Furniture Depot is one good example, for the company to appeal to a broad set of businesses, they need to provide more examples of success across multiple industries to justify their conclusion. To sum up, the company need more factual support and fix their flawed assumptions before the claim is believable by the reader.
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Sentence: If the cost of the internet service is more the the rise in the sales, the the Furniture Depot would have actually experienced a decrease in profitability even though it increased sales by more than 10.
Description: The token the is not usually followed by an article
Suggestion: Refer to the and the
Sentence: Furniture depot could have launched a new product line that were extremely popular which resulted in the increase in sales.
Description: The fragment product line that is not usually followed by were
Suggestion: Possible agreement error: Replace were with was
Sentence: Their claim to increase profitability needs to be examined in more details since it lacks evidences, makes unjust quantifcations, and unjust assumptions.
Error: quantifcations Suggestion: quantifications
Sentence: The coinclusion would be strengthened if the company provided more data that indicated the benefit is sustainable.
Error: coinclusion Suggestion: conclusion
flaws:
No. of Words: 314 350
No. of Different Words: 149 200
Attribute Value Ideal
Score: 4.0 out of 6
Category: Satisfactory Excellent
No. of Grammatical Errors: 2 2
No. of Spelling Errors: 2 2
No. of Sentences: 15 15
No. of Words: 314 350
No. of Characters: 1585 1500
No. of Different Words: 149 200
Fourth Root of Number of Words: 4.21 4.7
Average Word Length: 5.048 4.6
Word Length SD: 2.687 2.4
No. of Words greater than 5 chars: 103 100
No. of Words greater than 6 chars: 93 80
No. of Words greater than 7 chars: 65 40
No. of Words greater than 8 chars: 38 20
Use of Passive Voice (%): 0 0
Avg. Sentence Length: 20.933 21.0
Sentence Length SD: 7.954 7.5
Use of Discourse Markers (%): 0.6 0.12
Sentence-Text Coherence: 0.39 0.35
Sentence-Para Coherence: 0.629 0.50
Sentence-Sentence Coherence: 0.143 0.07
Number of Paragraphs: 5 5