Milk and dairy products are rich in vitamin D and calcium—substances essential for building and maintaining bones. Many people therefore say that a diet rich in dairy products can help prevent osteoporosis, a disease that is linked to both environmental and genetic factors and that causes the bones to weaken significantly with age. But a long-term study of a large number of people found that those who consistently consumed dairy products throughout the years of the study have a higher rate of bone fractures than any other participants in the study. Since bone fractures are symptomatic of osteoporosis, this study result shows that a diet rich in dairy products may actually increase, rather than decrease, the risk of osteoporosis.
Write a response in which you discuss what specific evidence is needed to evaluate the argument and explain how the evidence would weaken or strengthen the argument.
The author argues that a diet rich in dairy products may increase, rather than decrease, the risk of osteoporosis and this argument is based on a study result. The study involved a large number of people who consistently consumed dairy products throughout the years of the study. However the process by which the author reached in the conclusion has logical inconsistency and unjustified assumptions.
First, the study reveals that the people who have a higher rate of bone fractures – symptomatic of osteoporosis – consistently consumed dairy products. This assertion does not necessarily links dairy products and bone fractures. There might be other reasons behind the fractures. For example, there might be another type of food which is necessary and essential for strengthening of bones which the people in study were totally unaware of and they did not took consumed that food at all which caused them bone fractures. We need a solid proof that the people consumed all necessary foods and maintained other healthful ways of consuming foods. If that was the case, it can be justified to say that taking dairy foods consistently might be a reason of higher rate of bone fractures.
Second, a very important fact about osteoporosis is that it is caused by environmental and genetic factors. That is why, it can also be assumed logically that a good number of people in the study have symptoms of osteoporosis i.e. bone fractures because of environmental or genetic reasons. This logical assumption weakens the authors claim that the bone fractures were caused by consuming dairy products consistently.
Lastly, the study might be a bit flawed in the sense that it did not consider the people who does not consume dairy products consistently. If there were two groups of people: one consuming dairy products consistently and the other group not consuming dairy products consistenty, then there might be a reasonable way to reach a conclusion about dairy products’ effect on bone fractures by comparing the result of the two groups of people.
To sum up, the author reached a conclusion by looking at the study result and linking it to a specific disease a bit hastily. A solid proof of that assumption is lacking in the claim. More reasoning and linking of cause and effects logically could help the author making a reasonable assumption.
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Sentence: For example, there might be another type of food which is necessary and essential for strengthening of bones which the people in study were totally unaware of and they did not took consumed that food at all which caused them bone fractures.
Description: A negator is not usually followed by a verb, past tense
Suggestion: Refer to not and took
Sentence: If there were two groups of people: one consuming dairy products consistently and the other group not consuming dairy products consistenty, then there might be a reasonable way to reach a conclusion about dairy products' effect on bone fractures by comparing the result of the two groups of people.
Error: consistenty Suggestion: consistence
Attribute Value Ideal
Score: 4.5 out of 6
Category: Good Excellent
No. of Grammatical Errors: 1 2
No. of Spelling Errors: 1 2
No. of Sentences: 17 15
No. of Words: 385 350
No. of Characters: 1918 1500
No. of Different Words: 163 200
Fourth Root of Number of Words: 4.43 4.7
Average Word Length: 4.982 4.6
Word Length SD: 2.787 2.4
No. of Words greater than 5 chars: 134 100
No. of Words greater than 6 chars: 100 80
No. of Words greater than 7 chars: 72 40
No. of Words greater than 8 chars: 52 20
Use of Passive Voice (%): 0 0
Avg. Sentence Length: 22.647 21.0
Sentence Length SD: 10.318 7.5
Use of Discourse Markers (%): 0.588 0.12
Sentence-Text Coherence: 0.363 0.35
Sentence-Para Coherence: 0.59 0.50
Sentence-Sentence Coherence: 0.114 0.07
Number of Paragraphs: 5 5