The following appeared in a health magazine published in Corpora.
"Medical experts say that only one-quarter of Corpora's citizens meet the current standards for adequate physical fitness, even though twenty years ago, one-half of all of Corpora's citizens met the standards as then defined. But these experts are mistaken when they suggest that spending too much time using computers has caused a decline in fitness. Since overall fitness levels are highest in regions of Corpora where levels of computer ownership are also highest, it is clear that using computers has not made citizens less physically fit. Instead, as shown by this year's unusually low expenditures on fitness-related products and services, the recent decline in the economy is most likely the cause, and fitness levels will improve when the economy does."
Write a response in which you examine the stated and/or unstated assumptions of the argument. Be sure to explain how the argument depends on these assumptions and what the implications are for the argument if the assumptions prove unwarranted.
According to experts, the citizens of Corpora appear to be less healthy condition compared to two decades ago. After rejecting the hypothesis of sedentary life induced by computers, the author stresses the beneficial impact a healthy economy can have on the citizen’s fitness. As defendable as this assertion can be, it is compulsory that the arguments relies on more sound evidence to be more compelling.
For example, the first sentence states that less residents of Corpora meet the standards of fitness than twenty years before. Without describing accurately what the standards are today and what they were at that time, the argument is considerably weaken. Indeed, the standards could have evolved, becoming more and more demanding in the sugar rates or fat concentration in blood, resulting from more spread awareness of coronary diseases for instance. Thus, this flaw undermine the assumption that the citizens of Corpora have more unhealthy habits that before.
The correlation made between computers purchased and high level of fitness is similarly overlooked. In fact the regions where people concentrate the computers can also be the most affluent and wealthy part of the city, thus having more money than the average to spend in activities to be fitter, such as sports and the suitable equipment. Furthermore, this neighborhood could also have better sport and better healthcare facilities, which enable the local inhabitants to meet actually the standards. Hence, the impact of the computers on overall health should be better built on actual and acute comparison of these areas with other parts of the town.
Finally, it is said that when economy improves, so do the fitness of the citizens, because they shall spend more on fitness-related products and services. Conversely, people are currently in bad shape because the expenditures are low. This is an unwarranted assumption, because the slowdown of the economy has undoubtedly impacts of the expenditures of the population, since the latter will rather spare money and spend only on necessary goods such as food. Thus, they relegate fitness products at the background, resulting in a decrease of the expenditures, without meaning the population do not practice sports anymore.
355 mots
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Comments
Essay evaluation report
argument 1 -- OK
argument 2 -- OK
argument 3 -- OK, and also need to argue: 'the low expenditure on fitness-related products in the current year are based on the decline in the economy. '
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Attribute Value Ideal
Final score: 4.5 out of 6
Category: Good Excellent
No. of Grammatical Errors: 0 2
No. of Spelling Errors: 0 2
No. of Sentences: 16 15
No. of Words: 356 350
No. of Characters: 1857 1500
No. of Different Words: 203 200
Fourth Root of Number of Words: 4.344 4.7
Average Word Length: 5.216 4.6
Word Length SD: 2.77 2.4
No. of Words greater than 5 chars: 141 100
No. of Words greater than 6 chars: 113 80
No. of Words greater than 7 chars: 81 40
No. of Words greater than 8 chars: 58 20
Use of Passive Voice (%): 0 0
Avg. Sentence Length: 22.25 21.0
Sentence Length SD: 9.08 7.5
Use of Discourse Markers (%): 0.688 0.12
Sentence-Text Coherence: 0.307 0.35
Sentence-Para Coherence: 0.585 0.50
Sentence-Sentence Coherence: 0.058 0.07
Number of Paragraphs: 5 5
Grammar and spelling errors:
Line 3, column 45, Rule ID: FEWER_LESS[2]
Message: Did you mean 'fewer'? The noun residents is countable.
Suggestion: fewer
...example, the first sentence states that less residents of Corpora meet the standards...
^^^^
Line 3, column 248, Rule ID: BEEN_PART_AGREEMENT[2]
Message: Consider using a past participle here: 'weakened'.
Suggestion: weakened
...that time, the argument is considerably weaken. Indeed, the standards could have evolv...
^^^^^^
Transition Words or Phrases used:
actually, also, conversely, finally, first, furthermore, hence, if, look, similarly, so, thus, for example, for instance, in fact, such as
Attributes: Values AverageValues Percentages(Values/AverageValues)% => Comments
Performance on Part of Speech:
To be verbs : 15.0 19.6327345309 76% => OK
Auxiliary verbs: 8.0 12.9520958084 62% => OK
Conjunction : 10.0 11.1786427146 89% => OK
Relative clauses : 9.0 13.6137724551 66% => More relative clauses wanted.
Pronoun: 16.0 28.8173652695 56% => OK
Preposition: 47.0 55.5748502994 85% => OK
Nominalization: 13.0 16.3942115768 79% => OK
Performance on vocabulary words:
No of characters: 1920.0 2260.96107784 85% => OK
No of words: 356.0 441.139720559 81% => More content wanted.
Chars per words: 5.39325842697 5.12650576532 105% => OK
Fourth root words length: 4.34372677135 4.56307096286 95% => OK
Word Length SD: 2.88523486562 2.78398813304 104% => OK
Unique words: 205.0 204.123752495 100% => OK
Unique words percentage: 0.575842696629 0.468620217663 123% => OK
syllable_count: 602.1 705.55239521 85% => OK
avg_syllables_per_word: 1.7 1.59920159681 106% => OK
A sentence (or a clause, phrase) starts by:
Pronoun: 6.0 4.96107784431 121% => OK
Article: 7.0 8.76447105788 80% => OK
Subordination: 5.0 2.70958083832 185% => OK
Conjunction: 0.0 1.67365269461 0% => OK
Preposition: 6.0 4.22255489022 142% => OK
Performance on sentences:
How many sentences: 15.0 19.7664670659 76% => Need more sentences. Double check the format of sentences, make sure there is a space between two sentences, or have enough periods. And also check the lengths of sentences, maybe they are too long.
Sentence length: 23.0 22.8473053892 101% => OK
Sentence length SD: 54.0890469504 57.8364921388 94% => OK
Chars per sentence: 128.0 119.503703932 107% => OK
Words per sentence: 23.7333333333 23.324526521 102% => OK
Discourse Markers: 9.2 5.70786347227 161% => OK
Paragraphs: 4.0 5.15768463074 78% => More paragraphs wanted.
Language errors: 2.0 5.25449101796 38% => OK
Sentences with positive sentiment : 9.0 8.20758483034 110% => OK
Sentences with negative sentiment : 5.0 6.88822355289 73% => OK
Sentences with neutral sentiment: 2.0 4.67664670659 43% => OK
What are sentences with positive/Negative/neutral sentiment?
Coherence and Cohesion:
Essay topic to essay body coherence: 0.130089867479 0.218282227539 60% => OK
Sentence topic coherence: 0.0432041969137 0.0743258471296 58% => OK
Sentence topic coherence SD: 0.0598821379467 0.0701772020484 85% => OK
Paragraph topic coherence: 0.0786840690976 0.128457276422 61% => OK
Paragraph topic coherence SD: 0.0638540174007 0.0628817314937 102% => OK
Essay readability:
automated_readability_index: 15.8 14.3799401198 110% => OK
flesch_reading_ease: 39.67 48.3550499002 82% => OK
smog_index: 11.2 7.1628742515 156% => OK
flesch_kincaid_grade: 13.4 12.197005988 110% => OK
coleman_liau_index: 14.28 12.5979740519 113% => OK
dale_chall_readability_score: 9.48 8.32208582834 114% => OK
difficult_words: 106.0 98.500998004 108% => OK
linsear_write_formula: 11.5 12.3882235529 93% => OK
gunning_fog: 11.2 11.1389221557 101% => OK
text_standard: 12.0 11.9071856287 101% => OK
What are above readability scores?
---------------------
Rates: 66.67 out of 100
Scores by essay e-grader: 4.0 Out of 6
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Note: the e-grader does NOT examine the meaning of words and ideas. VIP users will receive further evaluations by advanced module of e-grader and human graders.