The following appeared in a memo to the board of the Grandview Symphony.
"The city of Grandview has provided annual funding for the Grandview Symphony since the symphony's inception ten years ago. Last year the symphony hired an internationally known conductor, who has been able to attract high-profile guest musicians to perform with the symphony. Since then, private contributions to the symphony have doubled and attendance at the symphony's concerts-in-the-park series has reached new highs. Now that the Grandview Symphony is an established success, it can raise ticket prices. Increased revenue from larger audiences and higher ticket prices will enable the symphony to succeed without funding from the city government."
Write a response in which you discuss what specific evidence is needed to evaluate the argument and explain how the evidence would weaken or strengthen the argument.
The recommendation made in the memo states that by increasing the ticket prices, Grandview Symphony can independently hold concerts without funding from the city government.The recommendation may be correct but needs to be substantiated with more evidence and facts.
The memo cites that the increase in private funding and attendance is because of they recently acquired an international conductor who attracts high profile musicians to play with the symphony.Although this seems plausible,but it cannot alone explain the rise in attendance and private sponsors.Higher attendance at the concerts can be because of better publicity.This better publicity can in turn attract the private sponsors.It may also be due to change in trends.People in the city may have started preferring the symphony concerts more than any other form of entertainment.Also, since the increase has only occurred during the last year,the reasons for it can be totally unrelated and random.
Secondly the memo suggests that by increasing ticket prices, the symphony can work independently without the governments annual grant.They have no reason to substantiated this claim. An increase in the charges can lead to the decrease in attendance altogether . A detailed research and survey needs to be put in place before they can justify this decision , or it may drastically harm the financial status of Grandview Symphony.
Lastly their argument does not indicate about any problem that may be arsing from the city funding.The memo states that the city has been funding and promoting the Grandview symphony since its inception 10 years ago, then why do they need to do away with the funding? If they can give reasons for the following then it can strengthen their argument.
In conclusion the Grandview symphony needs more facts and analysis before it can justify increase the ticket fares, or else it may irreversibly effect its financial status and also its relationship with the city government.
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Sentence: The memo cites that the increase in private funding and attendance is because of they recently acquired an ..
Don't put a complete sentence after 'because of'.
Attribute Value Ideal
Score: 3.0 out of 6
Category: Satisfactory Excellent
No. of Grammatical Errors: 1 2
No. of Spelling Errors: 0 2
No. of Sentences: 14 15
No. of Words: 320 350
No. of Characters: 1631 1500
No. of Different Words: 161 200
Fourth Root of Number of Words: 4.229 4.7
Average Word Length: 5.097 4.6
Word Length SD: 2.772 2.4
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No. of Words greater than 6 chars: 95 80
No. of Words greater than 7 chars: 71 40
No. of Words greater than 8 chars: 39 20
Use of Passive Voice (%): 0 0
Avg. Sentence Length: 22.857 21.0
Sentence Length SD: 13.458 7.5
Use of Discourse Markers (%): 0.714 0.12
Sentence-Text Coherence: 0.362 0.35
Sentence-Para Coherence: 0.593 0.50
Sentence-Sentence Coherence: 0.053 0.07
Number of Paragraphs: 5 5