"For many years all the stores in our chain have stocked a wide variety of both domestic and imported cheeses. Last year, however, all of the five best-selling cheeses at our newest store were domestic cheddar cheeses from Wisconsin. Furthermore, a recent survey by Cheeses of the World magazine indicates an increasing preference for domestic cheeses among its subscribers. Since our company can reduce expenses by limiting inventory, the best way to improve profits in all of our stores is to discontinue stocking many of our varieties of imported cheese and concentrate primarily on domestic cheeses."
Business manager recommended that chain of cheese have to change business strategy by some prediction like new domestic store and world magazine survey but they are lack of some evidence and not persuassive to take this big decision.
Writer stated that last year five best selling cheeses at new store was domestic cheeses but it is too early to say that all store in chain which have stocked from many years also have same best-selling cheeses as new store in upcoming years.May be this store is located in rural area so people are not able to buy imported cheeses.
Further,survey was presented in World magazine but haven't provided any statistical data where the survey was taken,is it in entire world or any specific country or region.Survey may be occured in country where domestic cheeses were used more and may that data deviates reader from the conclusion.
Manager wants to increase profits of inventory by only selling domestic cheeses but haven't think about the reputation of the company which sells cheeses from many years.By taking this step may be reputation of company damaged and in future people would not prefer to buy cheeses from these stores.
In sum up,writer’s conclusion is required some more questions to be answered to taking the major step to reduce the varieties of the cheeses.
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- "For many years all the stores in our chain have stocked a wide variety of both domestic and imported cheeses. Last year, however, all of the five best-selling cheeses at our newest store were domestic cheddar cheeses from Wisconsin. Furthermore, a recent 40
and not persuassive to take this big decision.
Error: persuassive Suggestion: persuasive
flaws:
No. of Words: 227 350
Minimum 250 words wanted.
Always put a space after punctuation marks. E-rater is sensitive.
Attribute Value Ideal
Score: 2.5 out of 6
Category: Poor Excellent
No. of Grammatical Errors: 0 2
No. of Spelling Errors: 1 2
No. of Sentences: 5 15
No. of Words: 227 350
No. of Characters: 1074 1500
No. of Different Words: 127 200
Fourth Root of Number of Words: 3.882 4.7
Average Word Length: 4.731 4.6
Word Length SD: 2.325 2.4
No. of Words greater than 5 chars: 75 100
No. of Words greater than 6 chars: 56 80
No. of Words greater than 7 chars: 33 40
No. of Words greater than 8 chars: 13 20
Use of Passive Voice (%): 0 0
Avg. Sentence Length: 25.4 21.0
Sentence Length SD: 12.722 7.5
Use of Discourse Markers (%): 0.8 0.12
Sentence-Text Coherence: 0.524 0.35
Sentence-Para Coherence: 1 0.50
Sentence-Sentence Coherence: 0.115 0.07
Number of Paragraphs: 5 5