The number of overweight children in developed countries is increasing. Some people think this due to problems such as the growing number of fast food outlets. Other believe that parents are to blame for not looking after their children’s health. To what extent do you agree with these view?
Scientists of Harvard University found that a number of people who have overweigh come from a higher rank in social status. Unfortunately, overweight will cause health problems for some people who live in modern era. The number of overweight children is growing faster in developed countries, for instance. Fast food industry and parents’ attention influence overweigh in children. These issues depict the reason of obesity in children particularly in developed countries.
In fact, the western fast food restaurants have succeeded with many outlets spreading across the globe. Saving time, economize and tasty are the reasons why people tend to buy fast food products. Moreover, 80% fast food restaurants are located on-site playgrounds, because more easily attract children. Based on survey in California, three of seven families visit to the fast food restaurant every day. Genuinely, they realize that high fat and calories are contained in this food, so people who always consumes fast food have chance to be extra weight. Hamburger double cheese which is bought in the restaurants contains 700-to-800 calories, for instant. As a result, who consumes this food will get more than 700 calories.
For resolving extra weight, diet has appeared as the best solution. Many beauty centers provide different diet’s method. Recently, the beauty centers have achieved success in the developing countries. James Richard, senior lecturer in Boston University, created a journal which exposes about most of obesity cases that have been raised and more than a quarter of populations in America have large weight. Breathtakingly, a half number of overweight substantial gain in children.
Children’s activities are the vital factors of obesity, because burning energies and consuming food are not in balance. Parents choose the fast food served every day in the dining room and give much money for children to buy daily necessities, while most of children who have working parents spend their leisure time for watching television and surfing in the internet, for example. These activities have less movement, so the fat cannot burn well in children’s body. Not surprisingly, a number of children from a higher rank in social status have opportunity to be overweight.
In my view, two reasons are not the main causes of extra weight, but overweight is a reflection in the lifestyle of people in developed countries. Having said this, parents should consider with their children-health to make balance between the meals and the physical movement.
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Dear mr.big, I've changed
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I've changed some grammatical mechanics you have mentioned. Please kindly recheck the correction above. I look forward to hearing from you, Thanks a million.
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Attribute Value Ideal
Score: 7.0 out of 9
Category: Good Excellent
No. of Grammatical Errors: 0 2
No. of Spelling Errors: 0 2
No. of Sentences: 23 15
No. of Words: 398 350
No. of Characters: 2088 1500
No. of Different Words: 219 200
Fourth Root of Number of Words: 4.467 4.7
Average Word Length: 5.246 4.6
Word Length SD: 2.67 2.4
No. of Words greater than 5 chars: 172 100
No. of Words greater than 6 chars: 123 80
No. of Words greater than 7 chars: 84 40
No. of Words greater than 8 chars: 53 20
Use of Passive Voice (%): 0 0
Avg. Sentence Length: 17.304 21.0
Sentence Length SD: 8.137 7.5
Use of Discourse Markers (%): 0.348 0.12
Sentence-Text Coherence: 0.302 0.35
Sentence-Para Coherence: 0.51 0.50
Sentence-Sentence Coherence: 0.077 0.07
Number of Paragraphs: 5 5
Fast food industrial and parents' attention are influence overweigh in children.
Fast food industry and parents' attention influence overweight in children.
Sentence: Parents choose the fast food serve every day in the dining room and give much money for children to buy daily necessities, while most of children who have working parents spend their leisure time for watching television and surfing in the internet, for example.
Description: The fragment food serve every is rare
Sentence: In my view, two reasons are not they main causes of extra weight, but overweight is a reflection in the people lifestyle in developed countries.
Description: A noun, plural, common is not usually followed by a noun, singular, common
Suggestion: Refer to people and lifestyle
created a journal which exposes about most of obesity cases have been raised
created a journal which exposes about most of obesity cases that have been raised
because burning energies and consuming food are not balance.
because burning energies and consuming food are not in balance.
Sentence: Having said this, parents should consider with their children health to make balance between the meals and the physical movement.
Description: A noun, plural, common is not usually followed by a noun, singular, common
Suggestion: Refer to children and health
Attribute Value Ideal
Score: 6.5 out of 9
Category: Good Excellent
No. of Grammatical Errors: 5 2
No. of Spelling Errors: 0 2
No. of Sentences: 23 15
No. of Words: 397 350
No. of Characters: 2081 1500
No. of Different Words: 218 200
Fourth Root of Number of Words: 4.464 4.7
Average Word Length: 5.242 4.6
Word Length SD: 2.624 2.4
No. of Words greater than 5 chars: 172 100
No. of Words greater than 6 chars: 123 80
No. of Words greater than 7 chars: 84 40
No. of Words greater than 8 chars: 52 20
Use of Passive Voice (%): 0 0
Avg. Sentence Length: 17.261 21.0
Sentence Length SD: 7.985 7.5
Use of Discourse Markers (%): 0.348 0.12
Sentence-Text Coherence: 0.302 0.35
Sentence-Para Coherence: 0.51 0.50
Sentence-Sentence Coherence: 0.076 0.07
Number of Paragraphs: 5 5