Some people say that professional workers, such as doctors, nurses and teachers, make greater contribution and therefore should be paid more than those sports and entertainment stars. To what extent do you agree?
It is true that since long time ago, until up to this days, profession such as sports stars and entertainment stars get to be paid more than a professional workers such as doctors, nurses and teachers. In consideration of the important role that doctors, nurses and teachers hold, I believe that they should be paid more than the superstars. This essays intends to share some reasons.
In order to be professional worker such as doctors, nurses or teachers, one's must undergo years of study and training. In addition, it require them to pay paramount of money in order to complete the study and training. Once they completed the study, they are required to be dedicated and play an important responsibility towards their nation. for instant, doctors and nurses are responsible to safe people's life and cure the sick. teachers on the other hand are responsible to mold the children through education. Moreover, people pay the blame to doctors and nurses if they cant safe the life of their family or parents would blame the teacher if their children did not excel in school. Not only that, these professional worker are often required to sacrifice the time for their family for the sake of professionalism such as working night shift or on public holiday. Lastly, professional worker are needed to always update their knowledge such as by attending seminars, research or symposium which in-turn require them to pay to attend such lectures. For the reasons mentioned above, I think professional worker are worth to be paid more.
On the other hand, sports and entertainment stars are not necessarily needed to be paid a lot for some reasons.Firstly, these superstars, they don't really make a significant contribution to the nation. Although they fight in the name of a country, however all of the winning prices will go to their personal matter. Additionally, most of the superstars would already gain benefit from sponsorship that uses them as an ambassador such as receiving royalty, freebies, allowances etc. It is therefore they do not require to be paid more.
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Sentence: It is true that since long time ago, until up to this days, profession such as sports stars and entertainment stars get to be paid more than a professional workers such as doctors, nurses and teachers.
Description: A conjunction, subordinating is not usually followed by an adverb, particle
Suggestion: Refer to until and up
Description: A determiner/pronoun, singular is not usually followed by a noun, plural, common
Suggestion: Refer to this and days
Sentence: This essays intends to share some reasons.
Description: A determiner/pronoun, singular is not usually followed by a noun, plural, common
Suggestion: Refer to This and essays
Sentence: In addition, it require them to pay paramount of money in order to complete the study and training.
Description: The fragment it require them is rare
Suggestion: Possible agreement error: Replace require with verb, past tense
Sentence: Moreover, people pay the blame to doctors and nurses if they cant safe the life of their family or parents would blame the teacher if their children did not excel in school.
Description: The tag an adjective is not usually followed by the
Suggestion: Refer to safe and the
flaws:
No. of Grammatical Errors: 5 2
Number of Paragraphs: 3 5
better to have 5 paragraphs:
para 1: introduction
para 2: reason 1
para 3: reason 2
para 4: reason 3 (optional)
para 5: conclusion
Attribute Value Ideal
Score: 6.5 out of 9
Category: Good Excellent
No. of Grammatical Errors: 5 2
No. of Spelling Errors: 0 2
No. of Sentences: 13 15
No. of Words: 346 350
No. of Characters: 1681 1500
No. of Different Words: 175 200
Fourth Root of Number of Words: 4.313 4.7
Average Word Length: 4.858 4.6
Word Length SD: 2.725 2.4
No. of Words greater than 5 chars: 115 100
No. of Words greater than 6 chars: 86 80
No. of Words greater than 7 chars: 56 40
No. of Words greater than 8 chars: 36 20
Use of Passive Voice (%): 0 0
Avg. Sentence Length: 26.615 21.0
Sentence Length SD: 10.202 7.5
Use of Discourse Markers (%): 0.846 0.12
Sentence-Text Coherence: 0.357 0.35
Sentence-Para Coherence: 0.517 0.50
Sentence-Sentence Coherence: 0.144 0.07
Number of Paragraphs: 3 5