A recently issued twenty-year study on headaches suffered by the residents of Mentia investigated the possible therapeutic effect of consuming salicylates. Salicylates are members of the same chemical family as aspirin, a medicine used to treat headaches. Although many foods are naturally rich in salicylates, food-processing companies also add salicylates to foods as preservatives. The twenty-year study found a correlation between the rise in the commercial use of salicylates and a steady decline in the average number of headaches reported by study participants. At the time when the study concluded, food-processing companies had just discovered that salicylates can also be used as flavor additives for foods, and, as a result, many companies plan to do so. Based on these study results, some health experts predict that residents of Mentia will suffer even fewer headaches in the future.
A twenty-year study on headaches suffered by the residents of Mentia investigated the possible therapeutic effect of consuming salicylates. However, there are still lots of evidence needed to be provide to strengthen the argument.
First, the memo states that the twenty-year study found the more salicylates the food have contain, the less headache the participants have. The author needs to provide us the evidence about the study group and the study is plausible. The background of the study is needed. However, if the study group is specialize in computer science instead of the chemistry of food. Than the study which they conclude could have errors or the wrong surmise, because of the lack of the particular knowledge. The author must tell us whether the research group is top notch of the field in order to make the claim more convincing.
Even if the study group of the twenty-year study of salicylates is plausible, the evidence of the salicylates could directly to ease the headache. However, if the participants enter the study when he/she was 5 years old. The headache might have the chance that decrease is because the participants getting older and older. After 20 years, the 25 years old man or woman have the ability to measure the headache by himself/herself instead of the high amount of the salicylates. The study model which could be the evidence of the salicylates could actually ease the pain should be provided.
Last but not the least, the author states that the food companies plan to increase the salicylates in food, so the residents in Mentia will suffer fewer headache. However, the evidence of the all the residents who has the headache in Mentia would buy the food of those companies. For example, if the company which plan to add more salicylates in food has the notorious fame and the CEO of that company has bad reputation through the whole country. Then the consumers are not going to buy the product which is from the bad reputation company. In this condition, the salicylates in the food are not likely to be eaten, so the headache of the residents will not be decreased.
The author might provide us the sufficient evidences to make the claim more convincing.
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Comments
e-rater score report
Attribute Value Ideal
Final score: 3.5 out of 6
Category: Satisfactory Excellent
No. of Grammatical Errors: 5 2
No. of Spelling Errors: 1 2
No. of Sentences: 19 15
No. of Words: 375 350
No. of Characters: 1787 1500
No. of Different Words: 156 200
Fourth Root of Number of Words: 4.401 4.7
Average Word Length: 4.765 4.6
Word Length SD: 2.603 2.4
No. of Words greater than 5 chars: 111 100
No. of Words greater than 6 chars: 93 80
No. of Words greater than 7 chars: 66 40
No. of Words greater than 8 chars: 43 20
Use of Passive Voice (%): 0 0
Avg. Sentence Length: 19.737 21.0
Sentence Length SD: 5.58 7.5
Use of Discourse Markers (%): 0.579 0.12
Sentence-Text Coherence: 0.364 0.35
Sentence-Para Coherence: 0.587 0.50
Sentence-Sentence Coherence: 0.162 0.07
Number of Paragraphs: 5 5
Grammar and spelling errors:
Line 3, column 90, Rule ID: HAVE_PART_AGREEMENT[1]
Message: Use past participle here: 'contained'.
Suggestion: contained
...ound the more salicylates the food have contain the less headache the participants have...
^^^^^^^
Line 3, column 539, Rule ID: EN_COMPOUNDS
Message: This word is normally spelled with hyphen.
Suggestion: top-notch
...t tell us whether the research group is top notch of the field in order to make the claim...
^^^^^^^^^
Transition Words or Phrases used:
actually, but, first, however, if, so, still, then, for example
Attributes: Values AverageValues Percentages(Values/AverageValues)% => Comments
Performance on Part of Speech:
To be verbs : 16.0 19.6327345309 81% => OK
Auxiliary verbs: 11.0 12.9520958084 85% => OK
Conjunction : 6.0 11.1786427146 54% => More conjunction wanted.
Relative clauses : 10.0 13.6137724551 73% => More relative clauses wanted.
Pronoun: 10.0 28.8173652695 35% => OK
Preposition: 45.0 55.5748502994 81% => OK
Nominalization: 10.0 16.3942115768 61% => OK
Performance on vocabulary words:
No of characters: 1802.0 2260.96107784 80% => OK
No of words: 373.0 441.139720559 85% => More content wanted.
Chars per words: 4.83109919571 5.12650576532 94% => OK
Fourth root words length: 4.39467950092 4.56307096286 96% => OK
Word Length SD: 2.6256163263 2.78398813304 94% => OK
Unique words: 152.0 204.123752495 74% => More unique words wanted.
Unique words percentage: 0.407506702413 0.468620217663 87% => More unique words wanted or less content wanted.
syllable_count: 572.4 705.55239521 81% => OK
avg_syllables_per_word: 1.5 1.59920159681 94% => OK
A sentence (or a clause, phrase) starts by:
Pronoun: 0.0 4.96107784431 0% => OK
Article: 2.0 8.76447105788 23% => OK
Subordination: 1.0 2.70958083832 37% => OK
Conjunction: 0.0 1.67365269461 0% => OK
Preposition: 0.0 4.22255489022 0% => More preposition wanted as sentence beginning.
Performance on sentences:
How many sentences: 1.0 19.7664670659 5% => Need more sentences. Double check the format of sentences, make sure there is a space between two sentences, or have enough periods. And also check the lengths of sentences, maybe they are too long.
Sentence length: 373.0 22.8473053892 1633% => The Avg. Sentence Length is relatively long.
Sentence length SD: 0.0 57.8364921388 0% => The essay contains lots of sentences with the similar length. More sentence varieties wanted.
Chars per sentence: 1802.0 119.503703932 1508% => Less chars_per_sentence wanted.
Words per sentence: 373.0 23.324526521 1599% => Less words per sentence wanted.
Discourse Markers: 63.0 5.70786347227 1104% => Less transition words/phrases wanted.
Paragraphs: 5.0 5.15768463074 97% => OK
Language errors: 2.0 5.25449101796 38% => OK
Sentences with positive sentiment : 0.0 8.20758483034 0% => More positive sentences wanted.
Sentences with negative sentiment : 1.0 6.88822355289 15% => More negative sentences wanted.
Sentences with neutral sentiment: 0.0 4.67664670659 0% => More facts, knowledge or examples wanted.
What are sentences with positive/Negative/neutral sentiment?
Coherence and Cohesion:
Essay topic to essay body coherence: 0.279225894356 0.218282227539 128% => OK
Sentence topic coherence: 0.279225894356 0.0743258471296 376% => Sentence topic similarity is high.
Sentence topic coherence SD: 0.0 0.0701772020484 0% => Sentences are similar to each other.
Paragraph topic coherence: 0.170029966041 0.128457276422 132% => OK
Paragraph topic coherence SD: 0.119796915725 0.0628817314937 191% => OK
Essay readability:
automated_readability_index: 187.8 14.3799401198 1306% => Automated_readability_index is high.
flesch_reading_ease: -298.66 48.3550499002 -618% => Flesch_reading_ease is low.
smog_index: 0.0 7.1628742515 0% => Smog_index is low.
flesch_kincaid_grade: 147.6 12.197005988 1210% => Flesch kincaid grade is high.
coleman_liau_index: 12.21 12.5979740519 97% => OK
dale_chall_readability_score: 24.42 8.32208582834 293% => Dale chall readability score is high.
difficult_words: 54.0 98.500998004 55% => More difficult words wanted.
linsear_write_formula: 56.0 12.3882235529 452% => Linsear_write_formula is high.
gunning_fog: 151.2 11.1389221557 1357% => Gunning_fog is high.
text_standard: 188.0 11.9071856287 1579% => The average readability is very high. Good job!
What are above readability scores?
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Rates: 50.0 out of 100
Scores by essay e-grader: 3.0 Out of 6
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Note: the e-grader does NOT examine the meaning of words and ideas. VIP users will receive further evaluations by advanced module of e-grader and human graders.