Milk and dairy products are rich in vitamin D and calcium — substances essential for building and maintaining bones. Many people therefore say that a diet rich in dairy products can help prevent osteoporosis, a disease that is linked to both environmental and genetic factors and that causes the bones to weaken significantly with age. But a long-term study of a large number of people found that those who consistently consumed dairy products throughout the years of the study have a higher rate of bone fractures than any other participants in the study. Since bone fractures are symptomatic of osteoporosis, this study result shows that a diet rich in dairy products may actually increase, rather than decrease, the risk of osteoporosis.
Write a response in which you discuss what specific evidence is needed to evaluate the argument and explain how the evidence would weaken or strengthen the argument.
While it may be true that consuming milk and dairy products is not going to prevent bone fraction, but it is going to make the bone fraction even worse, this author’s argument does not make a cogent case for not having a high dairy products diet. It is easy to understand that long-term study of large number of sample group can give us reliable results, but the author needs verifiable evidences to prove his/her claim.
First of all, the author mentions that only having a rich diet in calcium and vitamin D can affect osteoporosis; however, the author does not mention other factors that can affect osteoporosis. For example, our bodies need to get sun to absorb vitamin D to help to absorb more calcium. Another factor which can increase the absorption of calcium is consuming other non-dairy food rich in calcium like broccoli, kale, and beans. These factors help human’s bodies to even absorb more calcium and vitamin D. To strengthen his/her argument, the author should mention about eating habits and sun bath of participants too because it can make a different study result.
Additionally, the author does not talk about genetic and environment which can make a big difference for osteoporosis prevention. Someone who already has a family history of bone fraction is on much higher risk of having bone fractions than other people who do not have any genetic history of this disease. Also, regular exercises can help to slow down the mineral loss in bone, so it will lower the rate of bone loss.
Last but not least, the author does not mention about group gender in the study which can make different perspective of the study. Old women are in much higher risk than men to get osteoporosis because menopause will naturally lower their body estrogen and estrogen deficiency can cause more progressive osteoporosis.
The author can make his/her claims persuasive when he/she gathers information about the gender of study group, their life styles like exercise and food habits, and also genetic history of having osteoporosis. After answering these questions, the author can make such a conclusion.
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| 2023-01-18 | vrajgparekh | 78 | view |
| 2022-11-16 | raghavchauhan619 | 78 | view |
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Comments
e-rater score report
Attribute Value Ideal
Final score: 3.5 out of 6
Category: Satisfactory Excellent
No. of Grammatical Errors: 8 2
No. of Spelling Errors: 7 2
No. of Sentences: 13 15
No. of Words: 356 350
No. of Characters: 1715 1500
No. of Different Words: 177 200
Fourth Root of Number of Words: 4.344 4.7
Average Word Length: 4.817 4.6
Word Length SD: 2.473 2.4
No. of Words greater than 5 chars: 118 100
No. of Words greater than 6 chars: 82 80
No. of Words greater than 7 chars: 49 40
No. of Words greater than 8 chars: 34 20
Use of Passive Voice (%): 0 0
Avg. Sentence Length: 27.385 21.0
Sentence Length SD: 9.111 7.5
Use of Discourse Markers (%): 0.538 0.12
Sentence-Text Coherence: 0.407 0.35
Sentence-Para Coherence: 0.407 0.50
Sentence-Sentence Coherence: 0.138 0.07
Number of Paragraphs: 1 5
Grammar and spelling errors:
Line 2, column 504, Rule ID: WHITESPACE_RULE
Message: Possible typo: you repeated a whitespace
Suggestion:
... even absorb more calcium and vitamin D. To strengthen his/her argument, the auth...
^^
Transition Words or Phrases used:
also, but, first, however, if, may, so, then, while, for example, first of all
Attributes: Values AverageValues Percentages(Values/AverageValues)% => Comments
Performance on Part of Speech:
To be verbs : 7.0 19.6327345309 36% => More to be verbs wanted.
Auxiliary verbs: 16.0 12.9520958084 124% => OK
Conjunction : 12.0 11.1786427146 107% => OK
Relative clauses : 10.0 13.6137724551 73% => More relative clauses wanted.
Pronoun: 25.0 28.8173652695 87% => OK
Preposition: 38.0 55.5748502994 68% => OK
Nominalization: 13.0 16.3942115768 79% => OK
Performance on vocabulary words:
No of characters: 1763.0 2260.96107784 78% => OK
No of words: 352.0 441.139720559 80% => More content wanted.
Chars per words: 5.00852272727 5.12650576532 98% => OK
Fourth root words length: 4.33147354134 4.56307096286 95% => OK
Word Length SD: 2.58319569276 2.78398813304 93% => OK
Unique words: 181.0 204.123752495 89% => More unique words wanted.
Unique words percentage: 0.514204545455 0.468620217663 110% => OK
syllable_count: 551.7 705.55239521 78% => OK
avg_syllables_per_word: 1.6 1.59920159681 100% => OK
A sentence (or a clause, phrase) starts by:
Pronoun: 5.0 4.96107784431 101% => OK
Article: 7.0 8.76447105788 80% => OK
Subordination: 2.0 2.70958083832 74% => OK
Conjunction: 4.0 1.67365269461 239% => Less conjunction wanted as sentence beginning.
Preposition: 2.0 4.22255489022 47% => More preposition wanted as sentence beginning.
Performance on sentences:
How many sentences: 14.0 19.7664670659 71% => Need more sentences. Double check the format of sentences, make sure there is a space between two sentences, or have enough periods. And also check the lengths of sentences, maybe they are too long.
Sentence length: 25.0 22.8473053892 109% => OK
Sentence length SD: 49.7832547046 57.8364921388 86% => OK
Chars per sentence: 125.928571429 119.503703932 105% => OK
Words per sentence: 25.1428571429 23.324526521 108% => OK
Discourse Markers: 5.57142857143 5.70786347227 98% => OK
Paragraphs: 5.0 5.15768463074 97% => OK
Language errors: 1.0 5.25449101796 19% => OK
Sentences with positive sentiment : 6.0 8.20758483034 73% => OK
Sentences with negative sentiment : 5.0 6.88822355289 73% => OK
Sentences with neutral sentiment: 3.0 4.67664670659 64% => OK
What are sentences with positive/Negative/neutral sentiment?
Coherence and Cohesion:
Essay topic to essay body coherence: 0.213091886553 0.218282227539 98% => OK
Sentence topic coherence: 0.0750652999381 0.0743258471296 101% => OK
Sentence topic coherence SD: 0.0601967936685 0.0701772020484 86% => OK
Paragraph topic coherence: 0.111148453148 0.128457276422 87% => OK
Paragraph topic coherence SD: 0.0692137911173 0.0628817314937 110% => OK
Essay readability:
automated_readability_index: 14.7 14.3799401198 102% => OK
flesch_reading_ease: 46.1 48.3550499002 95% => OK
smog_index: 8.8 7.1628742515 123% => OK
flesch_kincaid_grade: 13.0 12.197005988 107% => OK
coleman_liau_index: 12.07 12.5979740519 96% => OK
dale_chall_readability_score: 8.2 8.32208582834 99% => OK
difficult_words: 74.0 98.500998004 75% => More difficult words wanted.
linsear_write_formula: 18.0 12.3882235529 145% => OK
gunning_fog: 12.0 11.1389221557 108% => OK
text_standard: 13.0 11.9071856287 109% => OK
What are above readability scores?
---------------------
Rates: 75.0 out of 100
Scores by essay e-grader: 4.5 Out of 6
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Note: the e-grader does NOT examine the meaning of words and ideas. VIP users will receive further evaluations by advanced module of e-grader and human graders.