IELTS ESSAY In certain cultures old age is considered to be more important while in others it s the opposite children are thought to be more important Discuss both views and give your opinion

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IELTS ESSAY -
In certain cultures old age is considered to be more important while in others it’s the opposite, children are thought to be more important. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

Older and children are both always bring enjoyment to the family. Some people believe that older age is significant while others think that children are more crucial stage in a life period. In this essay, I will explain both the views in detail.

Undeniably, older people are experienced, matured, intelligent in all the aspects of life. They show path to youngsters. They play major role in family decision. For example, in India elders are imperious decision authority in a family, they are important factors in all the actions in the family. Moreover, they have imperative qualities such as good...

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2013-01-11 devabe2005 74 view
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Hai dev..

very good..
I felt some problem in the 1st sentance..oldage and children is not mingling in a good way...
The same conclution last sent...

It may be better in this way

it is difficult to differentiate which age group, whether young or old contribute more to the.....

Plez check any typing mistake in this scentance...

overall good job...

Tessy

thanks Tessy for your feedback.

I had corrected the mistakes in my essay now.

error in my essay:
Old age and children are both filled with happiness.

corrected one:
Older and children are both always bring enjoyment to the family.

error in my essay:
It is difficult to differentiate old and young age both play vital role in the community.

corrected is
It is difficult to differentiate old and young age which is important because both play vital role in the community.

hai Dev...

The 1st one i am not satisfied...

That is not true also..
Oldage people are considered as a burden and thus not bring happiness. So try to change or replace it
You can edit it directly in the submitted essay if you want to make a change.

The other two are good..

Tessy

Sentence: For example, in India elders are imperious decision authority in a family, they are important factor in all the actions in the family.
Description: The fragment are important factor in is not usually preceded by are
Suggestion: Possible agreement error: Replace factor with factors

Sentence: They are buttress to the society.
Description: The fragment buttress to the is not usually preceded by are
Suggestion: Possible agreement error: Replace buttress with buttresses

flaws:
No. of Words: 257 350
Avg. Sentence Length: 14.278 21.0 Need more compound or complex sentences.
Sentence Length SD: 5.81 7.5
Sentence-Text Coherence: 0.274 0.35
Sentence-Sentence Coherence: 0.042 0.07

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Attribute Value Ideal
Score: 6.0 out of 9
Category: Good Excellent
No. of Grammatical Errors: 2 2
No. of Spelling Errors: 0 2
No. of Sentences: 18 15
No. of Words: 257 350
No. of Characters: 1357 1500
No. of Different Words: 159 200
Fourth Root of Number of Words: 4.004 4.7
Average Word Length: 5.28 4.6
Word Length SD: 2.812 2.4
No. of Words greater than 5 chars: 100 100
No. of Words greater than 6 chars: 79 80
No. of Words greater than 7 chars: 61 40
No. of Words greater than 8 chars: 43 20
Use of Passive Voice (%): 0 0
Avg. Sentence Length: 14.278 21.0
Sentence Length SD: 5.81 7.5
Use of Discourse Markers (%): 0.222 0.12
Sentence-Text Coherence: 0.274 0.35
Sentence-Para Coherence: 0.474 0.50
Sentence-Sentence Coherence: 0.042 0.07
Number of Paragraphs: 4 5