Q...In today’s competitive world, many families find it necessary for both parents to go out to work. While some say the children in these families benefit from additional income, others feel they lack support because of their parent’s absence. Discuss both views and give your opinion.
In this present economic crisis, it became inevitable that both parents should go out for work to meet the surging expenditure of the families. When dealing with the problems of children, so many people feels that, the absence of both parents will adversely affect the children. However, I partially support the fact that working both parents benefits the children mentally, socially and economically only when they are able to adjust the time between work and family
On the one hand, if both parents are working, they can generate an additional income. Economically, the better income allows the ...
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| 2013-09-08 | Mohit Gandhi | 64 | view |
| 2013-02-06 | Tessy James | 96 | view |
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Comments
drug abuse, drinking and anti
drug abuse, drinking and anti social activities. --> I think drinking is unclear it is better if you write consumption of alcohol ==> drug abuse, consumption of alcohol, misbehavior and anti social activities.
additional points (they may addicted to television and computer games)
Overall excellent essay!
Sentence: When dealing with the problems of children, so many people feels that, the absence of both parents will adversely affect the children.
Description: The fragment people feels that is rare
Suggestion: Possible agreement error: Replace feels with verb, base: uninflected present, imperative or infinitive
Sentence: Furthermore, if parents cannot manage work and family effectively, inevitably it may leads to family imbalance.
Description: A modal auxillary is not usually followed by a verb, present tense, 3rd person singular
Suggestion: Refer to may and leads
Sentence: However, all these adverse impacts can be trim down by proper time management and sharing between parents to an extent.
Description: An adjective is not usually followed by an adverb, particle
Suggestion: Refer to trim and down
Sentence: Since, the absences of parents in home may leads to some unfavorable impacts on children, if they can manage the work and family and spend time with children then only working both parents will be beneficial.
Description: A modal auxillary is not usually followed by a verb, present tense, 3rd person singular
Suggestion: Refer to may and leads
flaws:
No. of Grammatical Errors: 4 2
It is on top list:
http://www.testbig.com/essay-categories/ielts
Attribute Value Ideal
Score: 8.5 out of 9
Category: Excellent Excellent
No. of Grammatical Errors: 4 2
No. of Spelling Errors: 0 2
No. of Sentences: 22 15
No. of Words: 406 350
No. of Characters: 2109 1500
No. of Different Words: 209 200
Fourth Root of Number of Words: 4.489 4.7
Average Word Length: 5.195 4.6
Word Length SD: 2.672 2.4
No. of Words greater than 5 chars: 167 100
No. of Words greater than 6 chars: 132 80
No. of Words greater than 7 chars: 88 40
No. of Words greater than 8 chars: 53 20
Use of Passive Voice (%): 0 0
Avg. Sentence Length: 18.455 21.0
Sentence Length SD: 6.686 7.5
Use of Discourse Markers (%): 0.5 0.12
Sentence-Text Coherence: 0.317 0.35
Sentence-Para Coherence: 0.458 0.50
Sentence-Sentence Coherence: 0.085 0.07
Number of Paragraphs: 4 5