The following appeared in a memo from the manager of Uppercuts hair salon:
"According to a nationwide demographic study more and more people today are moving from suburbs to downtown areas. In order to boost sagging profits at Uppercuts, we should take advantage of the trend by relocating the salon from the current location in Aptons suburban mall to downtown Apton, while retaining the solons decidedly upscale ambience. Besides Hair-Dooz, our chief competitor at the mall has also relocated downtown and is thriving at the new location and the most prosperous hair salon in the nearby Brainard is located in that city's downtown area. By emulating the locations of these two successful salons Uppercuts is certain to attract more customers.
The stated argument that the Uppercuts hair salon needs to shift to downtown according to the trend so as to boost its profit seems quite illogical as it does not take into consideration certain important points. The argument straightaway assumes a few events that if occurred will lead to a condition contrary to what is expected.
Firstly, it is assumed that the salon needs to be relocated to the downtown area just because of the growing trend in the market. However, the argument itself states that its tough competitor in the current location, the Hair-Dooz has recently shifted from the suburban mall to the downtown area, and is very well-received by the natives. Also, it states that the Brainard, the salon present originally in the downtown Apton, is prospering. In such cases relocating to an area having two renowned and well-accepted salons doesn't seem to be a good idea. Loyal customers to the Hair-Dooz and Brainard may not visit Uppercuts and hence the there won't be any substantial boost to their 'sagging' profits.
Secondly, if the renowned Hair-Dooz has shifted from the Suburban mall in Apton, there are high chances that its customers will be now visiting Uppercuts than any other hair salon. Simultaneously, if Uppercuts follows certain tactics to lure the earlier Hair-Dooz customers it will be an additional benefit. This will help increase the revenue of Uppercuts while still not following the trend. And that seems to be the purpose of Uppercuts.
Thirdly, Relocating to an entirely new area implies that the salon needs to first get a place rented which would be suitable for the customers to visit. They would require relevant equipments which will necessitate shifting of the equipments they already possess in their current salon. Also, they would require a new set of staff which will be well-trained and expert in their task, as the current staff may not necessarily decide on shifting with them. When all these thing s are set up, they would require thorough advertising of their salon so as attract customers. They may need to provide the customers special offers, discounts and extra facilities so as to shift the customer base from the other two well-known salons to theirs. In addition, as stated earlier, it is not very clear if the salon will be very well accepted by the customers. Hence, considering these factors it seems quite impossible to gain profits initially. Rather the salon will require spending a lot of its revenue on establishing itself in the downtown area and on the contrary may incur some loss.
Ultimately, it can be said that the author creates an analogy between the two salons, their increased profits and Uppercuts requirement to raise its profits. However, his argument involves certain flaws like directly assuming increase in profits by following the trend, rather than considering a few things like future profits in its current market, revenues required for relocation and the tough competition it will be facing in the new relocated area and is hence illogical.
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flaws:
Well, not exactly right on the point. You need to analyze the structure of the statement:
condition 1:
According to a nationwide demographic study more and more people today are moving from suburbs to downtown areas. In order to boost sagging profits at Uppercuts, we should take advantage of the trend by relocating the salon from the current location in Aptons suburban mall to downtown Apton, while retaining the solons decidedly upscale ambience.
condition 2:
Besides Hair-Dooz, our chief competitor at the mall has also relocated downtown and is thriving at the new location and the most prosperous hair salon in the nearby Brainard is located in that city's downtown area.
Conclusion:
By emulating the locations of these two successful salons Uppercuts is certain to attract more customers.
Suggested arguments:
argument 1 -- Argue against the condition 1. the trend by 'a nationwide demographic study' doesn't mean it applies to the area for Uppercuts.
argument 2 -- Argue against the condition 2. it will face great competitions with Hair-Dooz, Brainard.
argument 3 -- Argue against the conclusion: 'By emulating the locations of these two successful salons Uppercuts is certain to attract more customers.'. it works for A (Hair-Dooz, Brainard ), doesn't mean it works for B (Uppercuts). There are different reasons for success.
Attribute Value Ideal
Score: 3.0 out of 6
Category: Satisfactory Excellent
No. of Grammatical Errors: 0 2
No. of Spelling Errors: 0 2
No. of Sentences: 21 15
No. of Words: 504 350
No. of Characters: 2485 1500
No. of Different Words: 225 200
Fourth Root of Number of Words: 4.738 4.7
Average Word Length: 4.931 4.6
Word Length SD: 2.635 2.4
No. of Words greater than 5 chars: 173 100
No. of Words greater than 6 chars: 147 80
No. of Words greater than 7 chars: 98 40
No. of Words greater than 8 chars: 58 20
Use of Passive Voice (%): 0 0
Avg. Sentence Length: 24 21.0
Sentence Length SD: 8.859 7.5
Use of Discourse Markers (%): 0.81 0.12
Sentence-Text Coherence: 0.312 0.35
Sentence-Para Coherence: 0.525 0.50
Sentence-Sentence Coherence: 0.095 0.07
Number of Paragraphs: 5 5