Describe educational goals, career aspirations, and how a scholarship will help you at the college.
2010 was a year of loss because my grandmother suddenly passed away at fifty-three from breast cancer. I described it "suddenly" because her health condition became weaker in a couple of years, but my mother explained that she just had a normal disease. Until one rainy day, she completely left my family. Her passing motivated me to become a healthcare worker, more specifically, to be a registered nurse. Besides gaining a better understanding of my grandmother's disease, I want to
change the outcome of patients' illnesses and improve the health system, which helps deliver efficient treatments. My purpose is to help people live healthier through my responsibilities and empathy while maintaining a respectful relationship with the surrounding people.
I witnessed my family member received inadequate healthcare services, which need to improve in the future significantly. When my grandmother passed away, I realized how essential nurses were to patients, which underlined my interest in healthcare. Additionally, the nursing workforce is in high demand, which considers playing a crucial role in keeping the world healthy, especially during the pandemic. Therefore, I am willing to utilize my resources to become a good nurse who will save many people's lives.
As a current student at Valencia College, I have taken prerequisite courses. If I follow the constant speed of registering for four classes every spring and fall semesters, I will be qualified to apply for the nursing program in one and a half years. Besides focusing on the schoolwork, I have been learning Spanish and Chinese for my external language-learning goals through online courses and communicating with foreigners. The primary reason for this is to better communicate with my patients from different countries in the workplace. By doing this, I can improve the relationship between healthcare workers and patients, helping them receive proper treatments.
I used to volunteer in a charity activity that persuaded people to purchase notebooks made by people with disabilities. Last year, I was also involved in another activity that convinced people to donate supplies to Central Vietnam survivors, where the floodwater had caused tremendous damage. Helping people gives me a greater sense of happiness and motivates me to pursue my career pathway to become a registered nurse.
Receiving the scholarship has given me an opportunity to continue to develop my skills and experience in my chosen field. It provides financial stability so that I can concentrate on my studies. More importantly, the scholarship embarks my dream of utilizing all my resources to provide effective care and be responsible for global health.
Grammar and spelling errors:
Line 10, column 116, Rule ID: AFFORD_VB[1]
Message: This verb is used with the infinitive: 'to field'
Suggestion: to field
...p my skills and experience in my chosen field. It provides financial stability so tha...
^^^^^
Transition Words or Phrases used:
also, besides, but, if, so, therefore, while
Attributes: Values AverageValues Percentages(Values/AverageValues)% => Comments
Performance on Part of Speech:
To be verbs : 10.0 13.1623246493 76% => OK
Auxiliary verbs: 5.0 7.85571142285 64% => OK
Conjunction : 11.0 10.4138276553 106% => OK
Relative clauses : 11.0 7.30460921844 151% => OK
Pronoun: 48.0 24.0651302605 199% => Less pronouns wanted
Preposition: 55.0 41.998997996 131% => OK
Nominalization: 2.0 8.3376753507 24% => More nominalizations (nouns with a suffix like: tion ment ence ance) wanted.
Performance on vocabulary words:
No of characters: 2300.0 1615.20841683 142% => OK
No of words: 421.0 315.596192385 133% => OK
Chars per words: 5.46318289786 5.12529762239 107% => OK
Fourth root words length: 4.52971130743 4.20363070211 108% => OK
Word Length SD: 3.24394430601 2.80592935109 116% => OK
Unique words: 260.0 176.041082164 148% => OK
Unique words percentage: 0.61757719715 0.561755894193 110% => OK
syllable_count: 721.8 506.74238477 142% => OK
avg_syllables_per_word: 1.7 1.60771543086 106% => OK
A sentence (or a clause, phrase) starts by:
Pronoun: 15.0 5.43587174349 276% => Less pronouns wanted as sentence beginning.
Article: 3.0 2.52805611222 119% => OK
Subordination: 5.0 2.10420841683 238% => Less adverbial clause wanted.
Conjunction: 1.0 0.809619238477 124% => OK
Preposition: 5.0 4.76152304609 105% => OK
Performance on sentences:
How many sentences: 21.0 16.0721442886 131% => OK
Sentence length: 20.0 20.2975951904 99% => OK
Sentence length SD: 35.9236403571 49.4020404114 73% => OK
Chars per sentence: 109.523809524 106.682146367 103% => OK
Words per sentence: 20.0476190476 20.7667163134 97% => OK
Discourse Markers: 2.09523809524 7.06120827912 30% => More transition words/phrases wanted.
Paragraphs: 6.0 4.38176352705 137% => Less paragraphs wanted.
Language errors: 1.0 5.01903807615 20% => OK
Sentences with positive sentiment : 13.0 8.67935871743 150% => OK
Sentences with negative sentiment : 4.0 3.9879759519 100% => OK
Sentences with neutral sentiment: 4.0 3.4128256513 117% => OK
What are sentences with positive/Negative/neutral sentiment?
Coherence and Cohesion:
Essay topic to essay body coherence: 0.0918690962335 0.244688304435 38% => The similarity between the topic and the content is low.
Sentence topic coherence: 0.0263011108096 0.084324248473 31% => Sentence topic similarity is low.
Sentence topic coherence SD: 0.0237403943865 0.0667982634062 36% => Sentences are similar to each other.
Paragraph topic coherence: 0.0460124235657 0.151304729494 30% => Maybe some paragraphs are off the topic.
Paragraph topic coherence SD: 0.0110470448259 0.056905535591 19% => Paragraphs are similar to each other. Some content may get duplicated or it is not exactly right on the topic.
Essay readability:
automated_readability_index: 14.3 13.0946893788 109% => OK
flesch_reading_ease: 42.72 50.2224549098 85% => OK
smog_index: 8.8 7.44779559118 118% => OK
flesch_kincaid_grade: 12.3 11.3001002004 109% => OK
coleman_liau_index: 14.39 12.4159519038 116% => OK
dale_chall_readability_score: 10.03 8.58950901804 117% => OK
difficult_words: 144.0 78.4519038076 184% => OK
linsear_write_formula: 8.5 9.78957915832 87% => OK
gunning_fog: 10.0 10.1190380762 99% => OK
text_standard: 9.0 10.7795591182 83% => OK
What are above readability scores?
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Maximum five paragraphs wanted.
Rates: 89.8876404494 out of 100
Scores by essay e-grader: 5.33 Out of 6
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Note: the e-grader does NOT examine the meaning of words and ideas. VIP users will receive further evaluations by advanced module of e-grader and human graders.