Integrated Essay
Passage about altruism
Lecturer saying altruism is also out of selfishness
The passage gives a positive view on the quality of altruism. It suggests that altruism is the act of acting selfless and doing good for others. The passage gives examples of humans donating vital organs to friends and families, in times of need. It also give a second example of Meerkats. The professor makes counter points to each of these acts. She mentions that though these acts would be considered selfless it could have been developed out of selfish motives.
The passage states how meerkats protect each other. One of the meerkat's always stands as a guard outside the burrow while others are eating or searching for food. This way the meerkat is prone to serious danger. Firstly, since its standing alone there are more chances of it being attacked by the predator. The second atruistic quality it shows is that while others are eating, it sacrifices food for guarding the group members. The professor states by referencing research work that the meerkat guard is the one who eats the first. Only then, does it agree to guard others. Also since it stands just outside the burrow there are more chances that on spotting the predator it would be the first one to run away. Also the alarm that the meerkat signals would distract the predator's attention from the guard to the other meerkats.
The passage tells how humans donate organs to family and friend which in turn shows altruism. The professor rejects this as an act of altruism. She stated that some humans crave for appreciation, praise and approval from society. For such humans non materialistic rewards matter more than materialistic rewards. So for gaining these non materialistic rewards, an individual could donate even vital body organs.
This is how there is a contrast of opinions in the passage with that of what is mentioned by the professor in the lecture. Altruism according to the passage is complete selflessness but altruism according to the professor is selflessness arising mainly due to selfishness.
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flaws:
Not on the right format.
The correct pattern:
para 1: introduction
para 2: doubt 1
para 3: doubt 2
para 4: doubt 3
Don't need to reiterate the contents of reading passages or as less as possible.
Don't need a conclusion.
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Attribute Value Ideal
Score: 21 in 30
Category: Good Excellent
No. of Grammatical Errors: 0 2
No. of Spelling Errors: 0 2
No. of Sentences: 22 12
No. of Words: 333 250
No. of Characters: 1620 1200
No. of Different Words: 168 150
Fourth Root of Number of Words: 4.272 4.2
Average Word Length: 4.865 4.6
Word Length SD: 2.462 2.4
No. of Words greater than 5 chars: 121 80
No. of Words greater than 6 chars: 87 60
No. of Words greater than 7 chars: 54 40
No. of Words greater than 8 chars: 25 20
Use of Passive Voice (%): 0 0
Avg. Sentence Length: 15.136 21.0
Sentence Length SD: 5.285 7.5
Use of Discourse Markers (%): 0.455 0.12
Sentence-Text Coherence: 0.279 0.35
Sentence-Para Coherence: 0.463 0.50
Sentence-Sentence Coherence: 0.069 0.07
Number of Paragraphs: 4 4