Many people have close relationship with their pets. these people treat their birds, cats, or other animals as members of their family. In your opinion, are such relationships good?
It is a supposition that people reject developing close relationship with animals or even having domestic ones in their home. However from my vantage point, when I ponder, I realize that we can benefit from these kinds of relationship. Through the following paragraphs I will substantiate my claim.
First and foremost, people who are alone and live in quiet places without any relationship need these animals. By interacting with domestic animals, they admittedly will be close to them. Under this circumstance, animal being is very beneficial for them because of their requirement to talk and express their feelings when there is nobody around them. Indeed, what is it better in this situation than these creatures for empathy? For instance, I had a lonely aunt in other city. She was very alone and far from relatives with little family consisting of only one child and her husband. His son married and her husband died. Furthermore, she really became alone. She became quiet and depressed for a time after her son’s marriage. Eventually her son provides her a little Casco. By coming of this bird to her life, my aunt’s spirit has changed a lot. The close relationship between her and Casco revived her and clearly was a best treatment for her at that condition.
The second imperative facet that shows I advocate for being close with animals is either for maim people or everyone has a kind of disabilities such as blind people. It is cogent that having an animal such as dog near them, people will get much profit for them. Because as we all know that dog has a sense of loyalty and people can trust them in difficulties. For example, when they want to walk across the road or street, this animal can lead them and support them of accident. Therefore, being close with this animal will make a big and deep feeling between them. Obviously this close relationship is very effective and can be alternative for their eyes.
Last but not least, we know there are a plenty of animals such as cats in cities and streets leaving alone. These creatures are reserved to be retained and cared. We should not be indifferent to them. If we bring one of them to our house and take care of them, we are respectful to these animals. I think for appreciating of this kind of behavior, the god would gift us at next life. Perhaps these animals are examinations for us to show our sense of humanity to our god. What’s more, bringing these animals to our home and making close relation, we can gain of them too.
To wrap up, taking all aforementioned reasons into account, it could be concluded that making close relationship with animals is beneficial to us, especially for lonely ones, disable people and for every one in whole.
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from my vantage point, when I ponder, I realize
from my vantage point==when I ponder==I realize
Sentence: The close relationship between her and Casco revived her and clearly was a best treatment for her at that condition.
Description: The token a is not usually followed by an adjective, superlative
Suggestion: Refer to a and best
It is cogent that having an animal such as dog near them, people will get much profit for them.
It is cogent that by having an animal such as dog near them, people will get much profit for them.
flaws:
This is a pattern sentence:
To wrap up, taking all aforementioned reasons into account, it could be concluded...
Simply use: To wrap up, or To sum up or All in all
Suggestions:
Put less content but more polished sentences. Read an example:
http://www.testbig.com/toefl-essays/schools-universities-colleges-and-h…
Attribute Value Ideal
Score: 25 in 30
Category: Very Good Excellent
No. of Grammatical Errors: 3 2
No. of Spelling Errors: 0 2
No. of Sentences: 29 15
No. of Words: 474 350
No. of Characters: 2188 1500
No. of Different Words: 237 200
Fourth Root of Number of Words: 4.666 4.7
Average Word Length: 4.616 4.6
Word Length SD: 2.52 2.4
No. of Words greater than 5 chars: 138 100
No. of Words greater than 6 chars: 94 80
No. of Words greater than 7 chars: 57 40
No. of Words greater than 8 chars: 41 20
Use of Passive Voice (%): 0 0
Avg. Sentence Length: 16.345 21.0
Sentence Length SD: 6.717 7.5
Use of Discourse Markers (%): 0.379 0.12
Sentence-Text Coherence: 0.263 0.35
Sentence-Para Coherence: 0.452 0.50
Sentence-Sentence Coherence: 0.241 0.07
Number of Paragraphs: 5 5