Although there may be some difficulties, I think that young adults should start an independent life as soon as possible.
Passing from childhood through adulthood, people begin to think independently and conforming their unique identity and attitudes, which are the fine incorporation of one's own ideas and perspective into family values. Then the young individual tries to validate this newly fabricated framework of personal opinions by experiencing a lifestyle based on it. Considering as a critical stage of life, some incongruity between family's solidified values and conventions and the young's personal approach toward life is not uncommon. While trying to build a unique personality out of such ideas and experiences, it is rather difficult to live under supervision of parents who rarely bend their rules to allow a young adult acting according his or her own ideas.
However, a plausible argument is that the young adults are vulnerable and need to be supported by families. Weighting up the advantage of living an independent life against disadvantage of partly loosing parental supports, it seems that a higher score can be assigned to Independence than safety. Because, it is the gate way to responsibility, accountability, and creativity which are key factors to improve society.
Moreover, leaving family does not mean cutting up all familial bonds and contacts. People can protect each other even if they do not live under the same roof.
On the whole, I think young adults should leave their parent's home as soon as they become both financially and ideologically independent.
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Sentence: While trying to build a unique personality out of such ideas and experiences, it become rather difficult to live under supervision of parents who rarely bend their rules to allow a young adult acting according his or her own ideas.
Description: The fragment it become rather is rare
Suggestion: Possible agreement error: Replace become with verb, past tense
Sentence: However, a plausible argument is that the young adult are vulnerable and need to be supported by family.
Description: The fragment the young adult is not usually followed by are
Suggestion: Possible agreement error: Replace are with is
flaws:
No. of Words: 252 350 More words, more marks.
Sentence-Sentence Coherence: 0.042 0.07
Attribute Value Ideal
Score: 24 in 30
Category: Good Excellent
No. of Grammatical Errors: 2 2
No. of Spelling Errors: 0 2
No. of Sentences: 11 15
No. of Words: 252 350
No. of Characters: 1318 1500
No. of Different Words: 164 200
Fourth Root of Number of Words: 3.984 4.7
Average Word Length: 5.23 4.6
Word Length SD: 2.952 2.4
No. of Words greater than 5 chars: 95 100
No. of Words greater than 6 chars: 71 80
No. of Words greater than 7 chars: 56 40
No. of Words greater than 8 chars: 37 20
Use of Passive Voice (%): 0 0
Avg. Sentence Length: 22.909 21.0
Sentence Length SD: 7.513 7.5
Use of Discourse Markers (%): 0.636 0.12
Sentence-Text Coherence: 0.348 0.35
Sentence-Para Coherence: 0.66 0.50
Sentence-Sentence Coherence: 0.042 0.07
Number of Paragraphs: 5 5