Television advertising directed toward young children (aged two to five) should not be allowed. Do you agree or dis agree with that

Nowadays, one of the most important ways to advertise the various products is television because this technology utilizes sound and image simultaneously. It is obvious when you evolve your eyes and ears with together to perceive an advertisement, the advertising message would become more memorable. Especially when each of them repeats more than ten times during a day. Each category of television advertising is prepared for a particular group of people, such as employees, academic faculties, men, women, and children, to attract their attention and achieve high profit. Teenagers and adult persons are mature enough to make a correct decision in front of these incentives, but children (aged two to five) are not. Therefore, I believe that television advertising directed toward young children should not be allowed. I will render my reasons as follows.

First, in order to gain more money, companies make many efforts to sell their toys by showing gaudy television advertising which entices young children to buy them. For example, children imagine if they have spider man toy, they would have his power to climb. Therefore, they put their parents under pressure to buy toys. It would has some bad consequences. Firstly, advertising by concealing the weakness of toy becomes succeed to sell them. Secondly, it raises the tension in the family. Thirdly, in those families which save money for their child future, they are compelled to buy all stuffs are advertised on the television.

Second, children spend a lot of time to watch unusable advertising at home. In this age children need to do outdoor physical activities for their health, bring up their mind by learning a new language, and empower their imagination with drawing. For example, my niece has a bad temper because television advertising eliminates her to release her energy during the day.

All in all, I agree that television advertising directed toward young children should not to be allowed because of it's destructive effect on children and consequently their family.

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Average: 8.3 (3 votes)
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Sentence: Firstly, advertising by concealing the weakness of toy becomes succeed to sell them.
Description: A verb, present tense, 3rd person singular is not usually followed by a verb, base: uninflected present, imperative or infinitive
Suggestion: Refer to becomes and succeed

It would has some bad consequences.
It would have some bad consequences.

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Score: 25 in 30
Category: Very Good Excellent
No. of Grammatical Errors: 2 2
No. of Spelling Errors: 0 2
No. of Sentences: 18 15
No. of Words: 327 350
No. of Characters: 1667 1500
No. of Different Words: 197 200
Fourth Root of Number of Words: 4.252 4.7
Average Word Length: 5.098 4.6
Word Length SD: 2.729 2.4
No. of Words greater than 5 chars: 124 100
No. of Words greater than 6 chars: 100 80
No. of Words greater than 7 chars: 68 40
No. of Words greater than 8 chars: 40 20
Use of Passive Voice (%): 0 0
Avg. Sentence Length: 18.167 21.0
Sentence Length SD: 7.69 7.5
Use of Discourse Markers (%): 0.667 0.12
Sentence-Text Coherence: 0.294 0.35
Sentence-Para Coherence: 0.464 0.50
Sentence-Sentence Coherence: 0.086 0.07
Number of Paragraphs: 4 5