TOEFL integrated writing: The sea otter

The reading states that there were two possible explanations for the decline of the number of the otter along the costal line of the North America from California to the Alaska. First cause is the pollution and the second is the predators. The speakers said that the pollution hypothesis presented in the reading is weak and he provides the possible explanation.

Firstly, the reading state that pollution such as oil rig from industries causes the increase in the level of the chemical found along the costal line. which cause the infection to the otter and they died. However, Speaker refutes this point. he said that if the otter would be dead by the infection then the someone might find the dead otter along the costal but until now it’s not found so its weaken the pollution hypothesis as presented by the reading.

Secondly, the reading state that other small sea mammals like seal and sea lions numbers is decline as well due to infection. However, the speaker said that as the whales are captures by the mammals and there is decline in the number of the whales so the natural predators of the whale’s is the orca and he might change his food habit and started eating the small mammals like the seal and the sea lions.

Thirdly, Reading states that decline in the number of the otter in some are along the costal line of the Alaska is due to variation in the level of the pollution and the sea current. Nevertheless, speaker refutes this point, he said that the otter were found in abundant number at costal line where the water is shallow and at the deep water they were not found in larger number.

In conclusion, speakers refutes the all the three points states by the reading.

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Sentence: However, Speaker refutes this point. he said that if the otter would be dead by the infection then the someone might find the dead otter along the costal but until now it's not found so its weaken the pollution hypothesis as presented by the reading.
Description: A determiner, possessive is not usually followed by a verb, base: uninflected present, imperative or infinitive
Suggestion: Refer to its and weaken

Sentence:Secondly, the reading state that other
Suggestion: Secondly, the reading states that other

flaws:
Avg. Sentence Length: 30 21.0

Attribute Value Ideal
Score: 24 in 30
Category: Good Excellent
No. of Grammatical Errors: 2 2
No. of Spelling Errors: 0 2
No. of Sentences: 10 12
No. of Words: 300 250
No. of Characters: 1365 1200
No. of Different Words: 120 120
Fourth Root of Number of Words: 4.162 4.7
Average Word Length: 4.55 4.6
Word Length SD: 2.199 2.4
No. of Words greater than 5 chars: 87 80
No. of Words greater than 6 chars: 63 60
No. of Words greater than 7 chars: 31 40
No. of Words greater than 8 chars: 21 20
Use of Passive Voice (%): 0 0
Avg. Sentence Length: 30 21.0
Sentence Length SD: 12.946 7.5
Use of Discourse Markers (%): 0.8 0.12
Sentence-Text Coherence: 0.46 0.35
Sentence-Para Coherence: 0.74 0.50
Sentence-Sentence Coherence: 0.217 0.07
Number of Paragraphs: 5 4