The following appeared in a memo from a vice president of a manufacturing company.
"During the past year, workers at our newly opened factory reported 30 percent more on-the-job accidents than workers at nearby Panoply Industries. Panoply produces products very similar to those produced at our factory, but its work shifts are one hour shorter than ours. Experts say that fatigue and sleep deprivation among workers are significant contributing factors in many on-the-job accidents. Panoply's superior safety record can therefore be attributed to its shorter work shifts, which allow its employees to get adequate amounts of rest."
Write a response in which you discuss one or more alternative explanations that could rival the proposed explanation and explain how your explanation(s) can plausibly account for the facts presented in the argument.
The vice president believes that reducing the time shifts of workers would bring about greater safety in his factory. He cites nearby Panoply industries which have a lower incidence of job accidents. He believes the reason for Panoply's safety record is its shorter time shifts which allows the workers to be fully rested and hence articulate during factory operation. While the vice president makes a good observation, he fails to consider other potential reasons for Panoply's safety record.
While Panoply may have adopted a shorter time shift, they may also have incorporated other safety meachanism to prevent accidents during faactory operation. They may have set alarm systems to alert workers of imminent danger, or they organized their production schedule to make accommodation for safety workers, whose job is to oversee and monitor factory operations at every step, thereby having immediate knowledge of potential danger. Therefore, it would be incorrect to solely ascribe Panoply's safety record to its shorter time shift. While the shorter time shift may have contributed to safety, other safety mechanism may have played greater significant roles.
Another plausible explantion could be that Panoply industries possesses highly efficient and safer machineries than the vice-president's own company. If this is the case, then irrespective of time shift duration, Panoply industries would have a safer record than the vice-president's company. Perhaps the vice-president's company operate outdated, dangerous machinery which are always bound to lead to mishap during factory operation. The vice president in this case should recommend a technological upgrade for its facilties.
Panoply industry workers may be highly trained and posses greater technical expertise than the vice presidents company. The workers in Panoply perhaps are trained in managing factory operations especially during periods of danger. They may possess knowledge that enables them put the factory under control, during contingencies. On the other hand the vice-president's company may have fewer trained workers who have not the expertise of handling facotry operations properly and may have no contingency or safety training. Such facoty workers would be unable to handle dangerous situations at the factory, leading to higher job accidents.
Despite the fact, that both industries produce similar products, their means and process of production may be entirely different. Perhaps Panoply uses a simpler and safer technique, with few hazadrous steps to produce their products meanwhile the vice president's company uses a procedure that may be more complex and rife with potential hazards. If this is the case, the vice president's comapny would have a higher probabilty of accident incidence than Panaoply industries.
I think the vice - presidents needs to do more research and study into Panoply industries to determine if there are other safety mechanisms incorporated into Panoply's operation which he is unaware of. Safety trainings and courses could also be provided to workers to enable them tackle dangerous situations. And if machineries are out of date, they should be upgraded to reduce potential hazards associated with older technologies.
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Comments
5.5. You got 5.0 because of
5.5.
You got 5.0 because of No. of Spelling Errors: 10
Sentence: Perhaps the vice-president's company operate outdated, dangerous machinery which are always bound to lead to mishap during factory operation.
Description: The fragment dangerous machinery which is not usually followed by are
Suggestion: Possible agreement error: Replace are with is
Sentence: While Panoply may have adopted a shorter time shift, they may also have incorporated other safety meachanism to prevent accidents during faactory operation.
Error: faactory Suggestion: factory
Error: meachanism Suggestion: mechanism
Sentence: Another plausible explantion could be that Panoply industries possesses highly efficient and safer machineries than the vice-president's own company.
Error: explantion Suggestion: explanation
Sentence: The vice president in this case should recommend a technological upgrade for its facilties.
Error: facilties Suggestion: facilities
Sentence: Panoply industry workers may be highly trained and posses greater technical expertise than the vice presidents company.
Error: posses Suggestion: No alternate word
Sentence: On the other hand the vice-president's company may have fewer trained workers who have not the expertise of handling facotry operations properly and may have no contingency or safety training.
Error: facotry Suggestion: factory
Sentence: Such facoty workers would be unable to handle dangerous situations at the factory, leading to higher job accidents.
Error: facoty Suggestion: factor
Sentence: Perhaps Panoply uses a simpler and safer technique, with few hazadrous steps to produce their products meanwhile the vice president's company uses a procedure that may be more complex and rife with potential hazards.
Error: hazadrous Suggestion: hazardous
Sentence: If this is the case, the vice president's comapny would have a higher probabilty of accident incidence than Panaoply industries.
Error: probabilty Suggestion: probability
Error: comapny Suggestion: company
flaws:
No. of Spelling Errors: 10 2
Attribute Value Ideal
Score: 5.0 out of 6
Category: Very Good Excellent
No. of Grammatical Errors: 1 2
No. of Spelling Errors: 10 2
No. of Sentences: 23 15
No. of Words: 488 350
No. of Characters: 2685 1500
No. of Different Words: 224 200
Fourth Root of Number of Words: 4.7 4.7
Average Word Length: 5.502 4.6
Word Length SD: 2.705 2.4
No. of Words greater than 5 chars: 228 100
No. of Words greater than 6 chars: 181 80
No. of Words greater than 7 chars: 109 40
No. of Words greater than 8 chars: 87 20
Use of Passive Voice (%): 0 0
Avg. Sentence Length: 21.217 21.0
Sentence Length SD: 7.181 7.5
Use of Discourse Markers (%): 0.696 0.12
Sentence-Text Coherence: 0.359 0.35
Sentence-Para Coherence: 0.588 0.50
Sentence-Sentence Coherence: 0.161 0.07
Number of Paragraphs: 6 5