Independent TOEFL essay - TPO 5: Agree or disagree : People today spend too much time on personal enjoyment - Doing things they like to do - rather than doing things they should do.

Nowadays, some people hold the idea that people spend a lot of time for their enjoyment rather than doing things they should do, others have negative attitude for this idea. As far as, I am concerned, I agree with the statement that people spend a lot of time for their enojyment rather than interesting their responsibilitities or duties. My reasons for this point are listed as follows.

One of the primary reasons is that presence of too many students at places like bars, night clubs, playstation cafes, shopping malls and entertainment in final or midterm weeks of their schools show that a lot of student behave very irresponsible at very important times of their life. Maybe it is acceptable that spending some time in places for enjoyment at free times but at final or midterm weeks, it is very harmful situation for their life and career. For example, when I was at dormitory in university, I observed that many of my friends go to outside before one day of their finals so I was feeling sorry for their families because they had been thinking that their children was studying. Therefore, I can conclude that many people spend a lot of time to not think about their future.

Another reason why I agree with the above statement is that according to the statistics, the development levels of countries decrease in a lot of countries. This shows that people don't work enough. For instance, in Egypt, people are very lazy to go work and offends increased exponentially by every year. According to the news, the a lot of Egyptian people travel historical places instead of going to find a job for their life. It is not just made by Egypt, many countries in europe, people looking for their enjoyment.

In a word, irresponsible behaviours of students and low level of development of countries shows that people tend to focus their enojyment rather than their responsibilities. Taking account of all these points, we can conclude that people spend too much time for personal enoyjement.

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Average: 6.6 (1 vote)
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Grammar and spelling errors:
Line 3, column 205, Rule ID: A_LOT_OF_NN[1]
Message: Possible agreement error. The noun student seems to be countable; consider using: 'a lot of students'.
Suggestion: a lot of students
...idterm weeks of their schools show that a lot of student behave very irresponsible at very impor...
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Line 5, column 181, Rule ID: EN_CONTRACTION_SPELLING
Message: Possible spelling mistake found
Suggestion: don't
...ot of countries. This shows that people dont work enough. For instance, in Egypt, pe...
^^^^
Line 5, column 329, Rule ID: DT_DT[1]
Message: Maybe you need to remove one determiner so that only 'the' or 'a' is left.
Suggestion: the; a
...y by every year. According to the news, the a lot of Egyptian people travel historica...
^^^^^

Transition Words or Phrases used:
but, if, look, may, so, therefore, for example, for instance

Attributes: Values AverageValues Percentages(Values/AverageValues)% => Comments

Performance on Part of Speech:
To be verbs : 11.0 15.1003584229 73% => OK
Auxiliary verbs: 3.0 9.8082437276 31% => OK
Conjunction : 8.0 13.8261648746 58% => More conjunction wanted.
Relative clauses : 13.0 11.0286738351 118% => OK
Pronoun: 45.0 43.0788530466 104% => OK
Preposition: 46.0 52.1666666667 88% => OK
Nominalization: 15.0 8.0752688172 186% => OK

Performance on vocabulary words:
No of characters: 1657.0 1977.66487455 84% => OK
No of words: 341.0 407.700716846 84% => More content wanted.
Chars per words: 4.85923753666 4.8611393121 100% => OK
Fourth root words length: 4.29722995808 4.48103885553 96% => OK
Word Length SD: 2.75991564284 2.67179642975 103% => OK
Unique words: 174.0 212.727598566 82% => More unique words wanted.
Unique words percentage: 0.510263929619 0.524837075471 97% => OK
syllable_count: 512.1 618.680645161 83% => OK
avg_syllables_per_word: 1.5 1.51630824373 99% => OK

A sentence (or a clause, phrase) starts by:
Pronoun: 9.0 9.59856630824 94% => OK
Article: 2.0 3.08781362007 65% => OK
Subordination: 2.0 3.51792114695 57% => OK
Conjunction: 0.0 1.86738351254 0% => OK
Preposition: 3.0 4.94265232975 61% => OK

Performance on sentences:
How many sentences: 14.0 20.6003584229 68% => Need more sentences. Double check the format of sentences, make sure there is a space between two sentences, or have enough periods. And also check the lengths of sentences, maybe they are too long.
Sentence length: 24.0 20.1344086022 119% => OK
Sentence length SD: 65.4641200995 48.9658058833 134% => OK
Chars per sentence: 118.357142857 100.406767564 118% => OK
Words per sentence: 24.3571428571 20.6045352989 118% => OK
Discourse Markers: 4.28571428571 5.45110844103 79% => OK
Paragraphs: 4.0 4.53405017921 88% => OK
Language errors: 3.0 5.5376344086 54% => OK
Sentences with positive sentiment : 6.0 11.8709677419 51% => More positive sentences wanted.
Sentences with negative sentiment : 3.0 3.85842293907 78% => OK
Sentences with neutral sentiment: 5.0 4.88709677419 102% => OK
What are sentences with positive/Negative/neutral sentiment?

Coherence and Cohesion:
Essay topic to essay body coherence: 0.189234055527 0.236089414692 80% => OK
Sentence topic coherence: 0.0716924513419 0.076458572812 94% => OK
Sentence topic coherence SD: 0.0938153160851 0.0737576698707 127% => OK
Paragraph topic coherence: 0.13375150261 0.150856017488 89% => OK
Paragraph topic coherence SD: 0.0980086528436 0.0645574589148 152% => OK

Essay readability:
automated_readability_index: 13.6 11.7677419355 116% => OK
flesch_reading_ease: 55.58 58.1214874552 96% => OK
smog_index: 8.8 6.10430107527 144% => OK
flesch_kincaid_grade: 11.5 10.1575268817 113% => OK
coleman_liau_index: 11.2 10.9000537634 103% => OK
dale_chall_readability_score: 8.07 8.01818996416 101% => OK
difficult_words: 70.0 86.8835125448 81% => More difficult words wanted.
linsear_write_formula: 13.5 10.002688172 135% => OK
gunning_fog: 11.6 10.0537634409 115% => OK
text_standard: 12.0 10.247311828 117% => OK
What are above readability scores?

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We are expecting: No. of Words: 350 while No. of Different Words: 200
Better to have 5 paragraphs with 3 arguments. And try always support/against one side but compare two sides, like this:

para 1: introduction
para 2: reason 1. address both of the views presented for reason 1
para 3: reason 2. address both of the views presented for reason 2
para 4: reason 3. address both of the views presented for reason 3
para 5: conclusion.

So how to find out those reasons. There is a formula:

reasons == advantages or

reasons == disadvantages

for example, we can always apply 'save time', 'save/make money', 'find a job', 'make friends', 'get more information' as reasons to all essay/speaking topics.

or we can apply 'waste time', 'waste money', 'no job', 'make bad friends', 'get bad information' as reasons to all essay/speaking topics.


Rates: 66.6666666667 out of 100
Scores by essay e-grader: 20.0 Out of 30
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Note: the e-grader does NOT examine the meaning of words and ideas. VIP users will receive further evaluations by advanced module of e-grader and human graders.