181 In your country is there more need for land to be left in its natural condition or is there more need for land to be developed for housing and industry Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer

Essay topics:

181.In your country, is there more need for land to be left in its natural condition or is there more need for land to be developed for housing and industry? Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer.

One of the most important things for each country is its nature. Generally, country's nature is crucial in defining countries importance among other countries. Because it directly effects on the living condition. My country is a wide and large country, everyday government starts to building a new factory and this way abolishes the natural lands. It seems to me that, saving natural lands should be got a high priority among people. In my view, taking care of natural lands we will have better climate in our country, also in this way we can save different species, In addition we will be able prevent extra pollution in our land.

The main reason for saving land is,having better weather condition. Doubtless, green space will moderate the climate and make better that. Building a new house or factory will destroy nature and consequently the temperature will raise. For Example, ten years ago when I was eleven, our city was surrending by gardens, then the weather was really nice. But unfortunately today those and are destroyed and factories are replaced. So that, day to day weather is getting warmer than past. Therefore, I am concerned that, saving natural lands will result in a better climate.

Second reason is saving different species. Our country is a large country and there are a variety of plants and animals which are living here. Certainly, destroying wilder land will menace their lives, and maybe several of them will become extinct. As an instance, several days ago I was watching a movie which was illustrating the extinction of birds because of destroying a forest and building a street instead of that. Thus, I am certain that saving natural lands we will save different plants and animals.

Last but not least is preventing from extra pollution. Definitely, having factory and street instead of natural lands, will lead us to having more car and after that more pollution. Polluted air will cause to different illnesses. To illustrating this we just need to pay attention to rate of different disease such as cancer or heart attack in industrial cities, and its comparison with small towns.

In my opinion, we should save our natural lands instead of building factories in our country. Because in this way we will be able to save our country's moderate weather , different species, and ultimately we can prevent air pollution. I am positive that, the nature is a present for us and we should care about that.

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Sentence: In my view, taking care of natural lands we will have better climate in our country, also in this way we can save different species, In addition we will be able prevent extra pollution in our land.
Description: An adjective is not usually followed by a verb, base: uninflected present, imperative or infinitive
Suggestion: Refer to able and prevent

Sentence: For Example, ten years ago when I was eleven, our city was surrending by gardens, then the weather was really nice.
Error: surrending Suggestion: No alternate word

Attribute Value Ideal
Score: 25 in 30
Category: Very Good Excellent
No. of Grammatical Errors: 1 2
No. of Spelling Errors: 1 2
No. of Sentences: 25 15
No. of Words: 410 350
No. of Characters: 1970 1500
No. of Different Words: 202 200
Fourth Root of Number of Words: 4.5 4.7
Average Word Length: 4.805 4.6
Word Length SD: 2.503 2.4
No. of Words greater than 5 chars: 154 100
No. of Words greater than 6 chars: 111 80
No. of Words greater than 7 chars: 60 40
No. of Words greater than 8 chars: 44 20
Use of Passive Voice (%): 0 0
Avg. Sentence Length: 16.4 21.0
Sentence Length SD: 7.462 7.5
Use of Discourse Markers (%): 0.44 0.12
Sentence-Text Coherence: 0.276 0.35
Sentence-Para Coherence: 0.47 0.50
Sentence-Sentence Coherence: 0.112 0.07
Number of Paragraphs: 5 5

hi
dear essayE-rater
please guide me how can I get 30! in my essays.
in fact my average score is 25...and now after 1 month getting 25, I am puzzled.

please say me that, what is my problem and what should I do?

I have toefl exam in 20 days!!!!

tnx
Fardin

Your essays are great which are well organized and with good content and ideas. To get more marks, you have a lot of things to do.

First, there are still some hidden issues which are not a big problem, but will affect the final score. Look at those sentence in this essay:

1.In my view, taking care of natural lands we will have better climate in our country...

2.Doubtless, green space will moderate the climate and make better that.

3.But unfortunately today those and are destroyed and factories are replaced.

4.Thus, I am certain that saving natural lands we will save different plants and animals.

5.Last but not least is preventing from extra pollution.

6.To illustrating this we just need to pay attention to rate...

Maybe you never think they are problems and essay E-rater ignored them too. But human graders can realize that there are something wrong.

Can you figure out what the issues are in those sentences?

Second, look at this:
Avg. Sentence Length: 16.4 21.0

it means more compound or complex sentences wanted. and more sentences varieties wanted.

Let us know if you have more questions.

hi
thank you for your help...but still I dont know what is that sentences problems?? can u say what is theirs problems? and how can I fix them?

Also for second part, you mean I should use more short sentences instead of long sentences in my essays?

and your last suggestion for getting 30 in real exam!!!????

1.In my view, taking care of natural lands we will have better climate in our country...
In my view, by taking care of natural lands, we will have better climate in our country...

2.Doubtless, green space will moderate the climate and make better that.
Doubtless, green space will moderate the climate and make better life.

3.But unfortunately today those and are destroyed and factories are replaced.
But unfortunately today those are destroyed and factories are replaced.

4.Thus, I am certain that saving natural lands we will save different plants and animals.
Thus, I am certain that by saving natural lands we will save different plants and animals.

5.Last but not least is preventing from extra pollution.
Last but not least, it is preventing from extra pollution.

6.To illustrating this we just need to pay attention to rate...
To illustrate this we just need to pay attention to rate...

Q: 'Also for second part, you mean I should use more short sentences instead of long sentences in my essays?'

A:No, you need to write longer sentences which are compound or complex sentences. and more sentences varieties are wanted too.