The following appeared in a memo from the director of student housing at Buckingham College.
"To serve the housing needs of our students, Buckingham College should build a number of new dormitories. Buckingham's enrollment is growing and, based on current trends, will double over the next 50 years, thus making existing dormitory space inadequate. Moreover, the average rent for an apartment in our town has risen in recent years. Consequently, students will find it increasingly difficult to afford off-campus housing. Finally, attractive new dormitories would make prospective students more likely to enroll at Buckingham."
Write a response in which you discuss what specific evidence is needed to evaluate the argument and explain how the evidence would weaken or strengthen the argument.
In the memo above the author has pointed out toward the need of building new dormitories to attract and accommodate the students that get enrolled at Buckingham. He points out three arguments for the said deed. The first being that as the enrollment keeps on growing the student number will be too large to accommodate in the dormitories already built. The second is that as the living expenses and rents increase off campus setting up new dormitories would be attractive to the students. And the last that building up new dormitories will help in the enroll ment of more number of students at Buckingham. The three arguments are poorly supported making the whole argument weak.
The first argument is that based on current trends the enrollment will be double over the next fifty years. This argument needs to be supported by providing a statistics based study of the number of students that apply to the college and those who get enrolled. Also the dormitories already constructed could be analyzed for providing sufficient evidence to build the new dormitories. The correctness and aptness of the trends are lacking making the argument fall weak.
The second argument is that the rents off campus are too high for students to afford and that the dormitories would help in providing an affordable living space. The author could provide proof of the number of students who would prefer housing on campus. Most students at this age prefer on renting out their own apartment for various reasons such as privacy and thus may not like sharing living space. In this case the new dormitories would be left unused and cost of building them up will be wasted. Thus a survey could be carried out to help support that the students actually want a housing on campus before building new dormitories. Other factors such as shops and eating joints around the housing on campus can be studied for proving that the students would actually prefer living on campus.
The final conclusion is that building up new attractive dormitories would help in the increase in the number of students that enroll in Buckingham. This is an illogical statement and does nothing to support the argument. Usually when students apply to college their top most priority is education and recognition and not how many or how good the living spaces are on the campus. Thus setting up attractive dormitories will not help in the increase of the number of students that apply at Buckingham, and thus the relativeness is irrelevant.
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flaws:
Sentence Length SD: 5.937 7.5
better to use this pattern for argument essays:
para 1: introduction.
para 2: argument 1
para 3: argument 2
para 4: argument 3
para 5: conclusion
Don't need to list arguments in the introduction paragraph.
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Argument 1 -- OK
Argument 2 -- OK
Argument 3 -- OK
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Attribute Value Ideal
Score: 4.5 out of 6
Category: Good Excellent
No. of Grammatical Errors: 0 2
No. of Spelling Errors: 0 2
No. of Sentences: 20 15
No. of Words: 421 350
No. of Characters: 2046 1500
No. of Different Words: 170 200
Fourth Root of Number of Words: 4.53 4.7
Average Word Length: 4.86 4.6
Word Length SD: 2.561 2.4
No. of Words greater than 5 chars: 150 100
No. of Words greater than 6 chars: 106 80
No. of Words greater than 7 chars: 76 40
No. of Words greater than 8 chars: 42 20
Use of Passive Voice (%): 0 0
Avg. Sentence Length: 21.05 21.0
Sentence Length SD: 5.937 7.5
Use of Discourse Markers (%): 0.45 0.12
Sentence-Text Coherence: 0.348 0.35
Sentence-Para Coherence: 0.512 0.50
Sentence-Sentence Coherence: 0.085 0.07
Number of Paragraphs: 4 5