Over 80 percent of the respondents to a recent survey indicated a desire to reduce their intake of foods containing fats and cholesterol, and today low-fat products abound in many food stores. Since many of the food products currently marketed by Old Dairy Industries are high in fat and cholesterol, the company's sales are likely to diminish greatly and company profits will no doubt decrease. We therefore advise Old Dairy stockholders to sell their shares, and other investors not to purchase stock in this company.
In this argument the author caveats the stockholders of the Old Dairy Industries to sell their shares and other investors not to purchase stocks of this industry. The author’s argument is based on a survey conducted consumers about their predilection towards low-fat products. Hence, currently Old Dairy Industries are producing more products which contain ample amount of fat and cholestrol. Above assertions have many flaws in them.
Firstly, the survey is conducted on 80 percent of respondents. Exact number of people consuming products amongst them is still hazy. They may include people cooking food at home. Also the term products is too far fetched to compare what Old Dairy Industry produces. Products may include food from fast-food franchise which are generally high in fat and cholestrol. Also, if the survey results may prove to be true, the industries similar to Old Dairy Industry are also going to suffer the same. Here author needs to be specific about number of people participated in the survey who are purchasing product pertaining to products similar to those produced by Old Dairy Industries.
Secondly, the survey also asserts that the responders indicated a desire to reduce their intake of foods containing fats and cholestrol. That certainly does not mean that the consumer was purchasing Old Dairy products on the first hand.
Futhermore, the author relates the profit that the company will produce directly to the sales of the dairy products containing high fat and cholestrol. It is possible that the company produces wide range of products which the consumer buys and generates a healthy revenue. The loss,if it may occur, may not affect the financial condition of the company afterall. The author is not specific about what products of Old Dairy Industries are produced in what amount and generates what amount of revenue. Hence the direct relationship between the vicissitudes in sales of particular product of Old Dairy Industries and their market value as a whole company cannot be built.
In sum, the author asserts the change in market value of a company is directly in relation to a survey. Had the survey been more specific about the number of people alongwith the specific product targeted the results would have added value to the recommendation of author.
- “Formal education tends to restrain our minds and spirits rather than set them free.” 62
- Over 80 percent of the respondents to a recent survey indicated a desire to reduce their intake of foods containing fats and cholesterol, and today low-fat products abound in many food stores. Since many of the food products currently marketed by Old Dair 62
Comments
Essay evaluation report
Attribute Value Ideal
Final score: 3.5 out of 6
Category: Satisfactory Excellent
No. of Grammatical Errors: 0 2
No. of Spelling Errors: 0 2
No. of Sentences: 20 15
No. of Words: 374 350
No. of Characters: 1891 1500
No. of Different Words: 173 200
Fourth Root of Number of Words: 4.398 4.7
Average Word Length: 5.056 4.6
Word Length SD: 2.611 2.4
No. of Words greater than 5 chars: 145 100
No. of Words greater than 6 chars: 109 80
No. of Words greater than 7 chars: 77 40
No. of Words greater than 8 chars: 43 20
Use of Passive Voice (%): 0 0
Avg. Sentence Length: 18.7 21.0
Sentence Length SD: 6.443 7.5
Use of Discourse Markers (%): 0.55 0.12
Sentence-Text Coherence: 0.33 0.35
Sentence-Para Coherence: 0.537 0.50
Sentence-Sentence Coherence: 0.094 0.07
Number of Paragraphs: 5 5
Grammar and spelling errors:
Line 3, column 181, Rule ID: SENT_START_CONJUNCTIVE_LINKING_ADVERB_COMMA[1]
Message: Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Suggestion: Also,
...ay include people cooking food at home. Also the term products is too far fetched to...
^^^^
Line 8, column 283, Rule ID: COMMA_PARENTHESIS_WHITESPACE
Message: Put a space after the comma
Suggestion: , if
...nd generates a healthy revenue. The loss,if it may occur, may not affect the financ...
^^^
Line 8, column 355, Rule ID: AFTERALL[1]
Message: Did you mean 'after all'?
Suggestion: after all
... the financial condition of the company afterall. The author is not specific about what ...
^^^^^^^^
Line 8, column 502, Rule ID: SENT_START_CONJUNCTIVE_LINKING_ADVERB_COMMA[1]
Message: Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Suggestion: Hence,
...t and generates what amount of revenue. Hence the direct relationship between the vic...
^^^^^
Transition Words or Phrases used:
also, first, firstly, hence, if, may, second, secondly, so, still
Attributes: Values AverageValues Percentages(Values/AverageValues)% => Comments
Performance on Part of Speech:
To be verbs : 17.0 19.6327345309 87% => OK
Auxiliary verbs: 8.0 12.9520958084 62% => OK
Conjunction : 8.0 11.1786427146 72% => OK
Relative clauses : 9.0 13.6137724551 66% => More relative clauses wanted.
Pronoun: 17.0 28.8173652695 59% => OK
Preposition: 51.0 55.5748502994 92% => OK
Nominalization: 6.0 16.3942115768 37% => More nominalizations (nouns with a suffix like: tion ment ence ance) wanted.
Performance on vocabulary words:
No of characters: 1948.0 2260.96107784 86% => OK
No of words: 373.0 441.139720559 85% => More content wanted.
Chars per words: 5.22252010724 5.12650576532 102% => OK
Fourth root words length: 4.39467950092 4.56307096286 96% => OK
Word Length SD: 2.6995921276 2.78398813304 97% => OK
Unique words: 173.0 204.123752495 85% => More unique words wanted.
Unique words percentage: 0.463806970509 0.468620217663 99% => OK
syllable_count: 599.4 705.55239521 85% => OK
avg_syllables_per_word: 1.6 1.59920159681 100% => OK
A sentence (or a clause, phrase) starts by:
Pronoun: 3.0 4.96107784431 60% => OK
Article: 8.0 8.76447105788 91% => OK
Subordination: 2.0 2.70958083832 74% => OK
Conjunction: 0.0 1.67365269461 0% => OK
Preposition: 3.0 4.22255489022 71% => OK
Performance on sentences:
How many sentences: 20.0 19.7664670659 101% => OK
Sentence length: 18.0 22.8473053892 79% => The Avg. Sentence Length is relatively short.
Sentence length SD: 40.2130575808 57.8364921388 70% => OK
Chars per sentence: 97.4 119.503703932 82% => OK
Words per sentence: 18.65 23.324526521 80% => OK
Discourse Markers: 3.25 5.70786347227 57% => More transition words/phrases wanted.
Paragraphs: 5.0 5.15768463074 97% => OK
Language errors: 4.0 5.25449101796 76% => OK
Sentences with positive sentiment : 9.0 8.20758483034 110% => OK
Sentences with negative sentiment : 3.0 6.88822355289 44% => More negative sentences wanted.
Sentences with neutral sentiment: 8.0 4.67664670659 171% => OK
What are sentences with positive/Negative/neutral sentiment?
Coherence and Cohesion:
Essay topic to essay body coherence: 0.294739546994 0.218282227539 135% => OK
Sentence topic coherence: 0.0988586128827 0.0743258471296 133% => OK
Sentence topic coherence SD: 0.0836162198811 0.0701772020484 119% => OK
Paragraph topic coherence: 0.184915990635 0.128457276422 144% => OK
Paragraph topic coherence SD: 0.0930214179159 0.0628817314937 148% => OK
Essay readability:
automated_readability_index: 12.5 14.3799401198 87% => Automated_readability_index is low.
flesch_reading_ease: 53.21 48.3550499002 110% => OK
smog_index: 3.1 7.1628742515 43% => Smog_index is low.
flesch_kincaid_grade: 10.3 12.197005988 84% => OK
coleman_liau_index: 13.0 12.5979740519 103% => OK
dale_chall_readability_score: 8.13 8.32208582834 98% => OK
difficult_words: 85.0 98.500998004 86% => OK
linsear_write_formula: 5.5 12.3882235529 44% => Linsear_write_formula is low.
gunning_fog: 9.2 11.1389221557 83% => OK
text_standard: 13.0 11.9071856287 109% => OK
What are above readability scores?
---------------------
Rates: 66.67 out of 100
Scores by essay e-grader: 4.0 Out of 6
---------------------
Note: the e-grader does NOT examine the meaning of words and ideas. VIP users will receive further evaluations by advanced module of e-grader and human graders.