The following appeared in a memo from New Ventures Consulting to the president of HobCo, Inc., a chain of hobby shops:
"Our team has completed its research on suitable building sites for a new HobCo hobby Shop in the city of Grilldon. We discovered that there are currently no hobby shops in southeastern Grilldon. When our researchers conducted a poll of area residents, 88 percent of those who responded indicated that they would welcome the opening of a hobby shop in southeastern Grilldon. Grilldon is in a region of the nation in which the hobby business has increased by 300 percent during the past decade. In addition, Grilldon has a very large population of retirees, a demographic with ample time to devote to hobbies. We therefore recommend that you choose southeastern Grilldon as the site for your next HobCo Hobby Shop. We predict that a shop in this area will draw a steady stream of enthusiastic new HobCo customers."
Write a response in which you discuss what questions would need to be answered in order to decide whether the recommendation is likely to have the predicted result. Be sure to explain how the answers to these questions would help to evaluate the recommendation.
The author's recommendation of choosing southeastern Grilldon to be the site for the next Hobby Shop is based in weak evidence; therefore, it is flawed. The author is supporting this recommendation saying that 88 percent of the surveyed people would welcome the opening of a hobby, that the hobby bussiness has increased by 300 percent and that there are a lot of retired people who could spend their free time in hobbies. However, in order to know if this recomendation is likely to have the predicted result, three questions must be answered first.
First, Is the sample size enogh representative of the entire population? The author said that 88 percent of the conducted people of a poll of area residents are in favor of the opening of a hobby shop, but what if the people asked are just a little amount. Maybe, with a great sample size, the author could find that this number is not longer as bigger as the 88 percent. Moreover, this survey could be skewed. That is to say, perhaps the poeple asked were precisely those who like the possibity of having a hobby shop. Therefore, he or she should do an improvement of these research or give more details about it.
Secondly, Is a good thing the increase of 300 percent of the hobby business in Grilldon in the last decade? Suppose that ten years ago there was only one hobby shop in the are but now are four. These is certainly an increase of 300 percent, but only four shops is a really low number and an indicator that the hobby bussiness could not be as welcome as the author thinks. On the other hand, if the absolute number is high, that means a high competion, which is a problem if the want to atract a lot of costumers.
Third, Does the retired people of Grilldon want to spend their free time in hobby activities? The author is assuming that only because this poeple do not work and have a lot of free time, they will be clients of the HobCo Hobby Shop. But this is not neccesarily true. What if most of this retired people enjoy more traveling than the activities of the Hobby Shop. Moreover, they could enjoy to be quiet at home spending time with their grandsons rather than go out and vist these shops. This would be a complety failure and the business could end in backruptcy. The author should apply a program of marketing reasearch to find what likes these people have.
To conclude, the author needs to answer these tree questions first before to apply the recommedation. A better evaluation of the recommendation could be done if the athor provides more information about the people asked in the the survey, the real quantity of competitors in the zone and a marketing study of the retired people likes. However, as it stands, the argumentation is flawed for the reasons indicated.
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Comments
Essay evaluation report
Sentence: The author is supporting this recommendation saying that 88 percent of the surveyed people would welcome the opening of a hobby, that the hobby bussiness has increased by 300 percent and that there are a lot of retired people who could spend their free time in hobbies.
Error: bussiness Suggestion: business
Sentence: However, in order to know if this recomendation is likely to have the predicted result, three questions must be answered first.
Error: recomendation Suggestion: recommendation
Sentence: First, Is the sample size enogh representative of the entire population?
Error: enogh Suggestion: enough
Sentence: That is to say, perhaps the poeple asked were precisely those who like the possibity of having a hobby shop.
Error: poeple Suggestion: people
Error: possibity Suggestion: possibly
Sentence: These is certainly an increase of 300 percent, but only four shops is a really low number and an indicator that the hobby bussiness could not be as welcome as the author thinks.
Error: bussiness Suggestion: business
Sentence: On the other hand, if the absolute number is high, that means a high competion, which is a problem if the want to atract a lot of costumers.
Error: atract Suggestion: attract
Error: competion Suggestion: No alternate word
Sentence: The author is assuming that only because this poeple do not work and have a lot of free time, they will be clients of the HobCo Hobby Shop.
Error: poeple Suggestion: people
Sentence: But this is not neccesarily true.
Error: neccesarily Suggestion: necessarily
Sentence: Moreover, they could enjoy to be quiet at home spending time with their grandsons rather than go out and vist these shops.
Error: vist Suggestion: No alternate word
Sentence: This would be a complety failure and the business could end in backruptcy.
Error: backruptcy Suggestion: bankruptcy
Error: complety Suggestion: complete
Sentence: The author should apply a program of marketing reasearch to find what likes these people have.
Error: reasearch Suggestion: research
Sentence: To conclude, the author needs to answer these tree questions first before to apply the recommedation.
Error: recommedation Suggestion: recommendation
Sentence: A better evaluation of the recommendation could be done if the athor provides more information about the people asked in the the survey, the real quantity of competitors in the zone and a marketing study of the retired people likes.
Error: athor Suggestion: author
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Attribute Value Ideal
Final score: 2.5 out of 6
Category: Satisfactory Excellent
No. of Grammatical Errors: 0 2
No. of Spelling Errors: 14 2
No. of Sentences: 23 15
No. of Words: 491 350
No. of Characters: 2211 1500
No. of Different Words: 220 200
Fourth Root of Number of Words: 4.707 4.7
Average Word Length: 4.503 4.6
Word Length SD: 2.489 2.4
No. of Words greater than 5 chars: 137 100
No. of Words greater than 6 chars: 89 80
No. of Words greater than 7 chars: 63 40
No. of Words greater than 8 chars: 40 20
Use of Passive Voice (%): 0 0
Avg. Sentence Length: 21.348 21.0
Sentence Length SD: 10.136 7.5
Use of Discourse Markers (%): 0.783 0.12
Sentence-Text Coherence: 0.286 0.35
Sentence-Para Coherence: 0.479 0.50
Sentence-Sentence Coherence: 0.059 0.07
Number of Paragraphs: 5 5
Grammar and spelling errors:
Line 1, column 5, Rule ID: POSSESIVE_APOSTROPHE[1]
Message: Possible typo: apostrophe is missing. Did you mean 'authors'' or 'author's'?
Suggestion: authors'; author's
The authors recommendation of choosing southeastern...
^^^^^^^
Line 1, column 89, Rule ID: WHITESPACE_RULE
Message: Possible typo: you repeated a whitespace
Suggestion:
...ern Grilldon to be the site for the next Hobby Shop is based in weak evidence; th...
^^
Line 3, column 344, Rule ID: COMP_THAN[3]
Message: Comparison requires 'than', not 'then' nor 'as'.
Suggestion: than
...uld find that this number is not longer as bigger as the 88 percent. Moreover, thi...
^^
Line 5, column 195, Rule ID: THIS_NNS[4]
Message: Did you mean 'this'?
Suggestion: This
...hobby shop in the are but now are four. These is certainly an increase of 300 percent...
^^^^^
Line 7, column 386, Rule ID: ADMIT_ENJOY_VB[1]
Message: This verb is used with the gerund form: 'enjoy being'.
Suggestion: enjoy being
...of the Hobby Shop. Moreover, they could enjoy to be quiet at home spending time with their ...
^^^^^^^^^^^
Line 9, column 224, Rule ID: ENGLISH_WORD_REPEAT_RULE
Message: Possible typo: you repeated a word
Suggestion: the
...e information about the people asked in the the survey, the real quantity of competitor...
^^^^^^^
Line 9, column 224, Rule ID: DT_DT[1]
Message: Maybe you need to remove one determiner so that only 'the' or 'the' is left.
Suggestion: the; the
...e information about the people asked in the the survey, the real quantity of competitor...
^^^^^^^
Transition Words or Phrases used:
but, first, however, if, may, moreover, really, second, secondly, so, therefore, third, on the other hand, that is to say
Attributes: Values AverageValues Percentages(Values/AverageValues)% => Comments
Performance on Part of Speech:
To be verbs : 30.0 19.6327345309 153% => OK
Auxiliary verbs: 13.0 12.9520958084 100% => OK
Conjunction : 12.0 11.1786427146 107% => OK
Relative clauses : 13.0 13.6137724551 95% => OK
Pronoun: 34.0 28.8173652695 118% => OK
Preposition: 57.0 55.5748502994 103% => OK
Nominalization: 12.0 16.3942115768 73% => OK
Performance on vocabulary words:
No of characters: 2273.0 2260.96107784 101% => OK
No of words: 491.0 441.139720559 111% => OK
Chars per words: 4.62932790224 5.12650576532 90% => OK
Fourth root words length: 4.70728369723 4.56307096286 103% => OK
Word Length SD: 2.57045519127 2.78398813304 92% => OK
Unique words: 225.0 204.123752495 110% => OK
Unique words percentage: 0.458248472505 0.468620217663 98% => OK
syllable_count: 706.5 705.55239521 100% => OK
avg_syllables_per_word: 1.4 1.59920159681 88% => OK
A sentence (or a clause, phrase) starts by:
Pronoun: 10.0 4.96107784431 202% => Less pronouns wanted as sentence beginning.
Article: 10.0 8.76447105788 114% => OK
Subordination: 2.0 2.70958083832 74% => OK
Conjunction: 3.0 1.67365269461 179% => OK
Preposition: 4.0 4.22255489022 95% => OK
Performance on sentences:
How many sentences: 23.0 19.7664670659 116% => OK
Sentence length: 21.0 22.8473053892 92% => OK
Sentence length SD: 54.7538917142 57.8364921388 95% => OK
Chars per sentence: 98.8260869565 119.503703932 83% => OK
Words per sentence: 21.347826087 23.324526521 92% => OK
Discourse Markers: 5.26086956522 5.70786347227 92% => OK
Paragraphs: 5.0 5.15768463074 97% => OK
Language errors: 7.0 5.25449101796 133% => OK
Sentences with positive sentiment : 13.0 8.20758483034 158% => OK
Sentences with negative sentiment : 4.0 6.88822355289 58% => More negative sentences wanted.
Sentences with neutral sentiment: 6.0 4.67664670659 128% => OK
What are sentences with positive/Negative/neutral sentiment?
Coherence and Cohesion:
Essay topic to essay body coherence: 0.117709152819 0.218282227539 54% => OK
Sentence topic coherence: 0.038488656037 0.0743258471296 52% => OK
Sentence topic coherence SD: 0.0415746826844 0.0701772020484 59% => OK
Paragraph topic coherence: 0.0704855310192 0.128457276422 55% => OK
Paragraph topic coherence SD: 0.0294686382844 0.0628817314937 47% => Paragraphs are similar to each other. Some content may get duplicated or it is not exactly right on the topic.
Essay readability:
automated_readability_index: 11.1 14.3799401198 77% => Automated_readability_index is low.
flesch_reading_ease: 67.08 48.3550499002 139% => OK
smog_index: 3.1 7.1628742515 43% => Smog_index is low.
flesch_kincaid_grade: 9.1 12.197005988 75% => OK
coleman_liau_index: 9.57 12.5979740519 76% => OK
dale_chall_readability_score: 7.54 8.32208582834 91% => OK
difficult_words: 89.0 98.500998004 90% => OK
linsear_write_formula: 13.5 12.3882235529 109% => OK
gunning_fog: 10.4 11.1389221557 93% => OK
text_standard: 10.0 11.9071856287 84% => OK
What are above readability scores?
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Rates: 66.67 out of 100
Scores by essay e-grader: 4.0 Out of 6
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Note: the e-grader does NOT examine the meaning of words and ideas. VIP users will receive further evaluations by advanced module of e-grader and human graders.