The bar chart below gives information about the percentage of the population living in urban areas in the world and in different continents.Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

flaws:
This sentence is not developed well:
'The following depicted bar chart provides a breakdown in percentages of the inhabitants per continents as well as in the globe in three different periods.'

Instead, the topic gives clear information:
'The bar chart below gives information about the percentage of the population living in urban areas in the world and in different continents.'

Don't put something new:
it is noticeable that the Western nation is more populated than Eastern countries

How did you get this?
'the vast majority of this growing population was located in America over the last decade.'

Read sample ones:
http://testbig.com/ielts-essays/bar-chart-below-gives-information-about…

http://testbig.com/ielts-essays/bar-chart-below-gives-information-about…

http://testbig.com/ielts-essays/bar-chart-below-gives-information-about…

Attribute Value Ideal
Score: 5.5 out of 9
Category: Satisfactory Excellent
No. of Grammatical Errors: 0 2
No. of Spelling Errors: 0 2
No. of Sentences: 7 10
No. of Words: 165 200
No. of Characters: 792 1000
No. of Different Words: 99 100
Fourth Root of Number of Words: 3.584 4.0
Average Word Length: 4.8 4.6
Word Length SD: 2.768 2.4
No. of Words greater than 5 chars: 58 60
No. of Words greater than 6 chars: 50 50
No. of Words greater than 7 chars: 35 40
No. of Words greater than 8 chars: 24 20
Use of Passive Voice (%): 0 0
Avg. Sentence Length: 23.571 21.0
Sentence Length SD: 6.946 7.5
Use of Discourse Markers (%): 0.429 0.12
Sentence-Text Coherence: 0.421 0.35
Sentence-Para Coherence: 0.762 0.50
Sentence-Sentence Coherence: 0.068 0.07
Number of Paragraphs: 4 4

Hi,

thanks for the quick response.

Regarding the questions above, I got the "America" word by treating Latin American and North American data as a whole... I was just trying to look for patterns while at the same time doing comparisons. Is not that what the task is all about? Would it be a mistake to do that?

Also, I said "Western countries" since Europe and America appear in the bar chart and it was meant to be just a synonym as a whole. The same for "Eastern countries". I thought another important key point in IELTS is to try and use synonyms rather than just using the same words as in the graph.

I hope you can provide me some feedback about these mistakes in order to clear my mind.

Thanks

Alright, I'll keep that in mind and leave synonyms for task 2. I hope I can get a better score by being more "simple".

Thanks once againi for the advice.