Pirouettes Ballet School is the clear choice for any child. Of all the dance schools in Elmtown, Pirouettes has the most intensive program, and our teachers have danced in the most prestigious ballet companies all over the world. Many of our students have gone on to become professional dancers with top dance companies.
To break the argument down, let us look at it in a chronological order. First of all, the phrase 'most intensive' is largely vague. It does not talk about any specifics when it comes to the nature of the program. What kind of lessons are given to the students or how these lessons are important today are some of the questions that automatically arise due to this terminology. A further description regarding the program's priorities and teaching style could make the argument more acceptable.
Moving on, the second assumption made by the argument here is a major one. Only because the teachers have been successful dancers in the professional world doesn't mean their students will be too. Another way of putting it is that the best of performers are not the best of teachers. In a case of a school run by former awards winning soccer forwards and former awards winning coaches, it is obvious to opt for the later, because of the training experience they have. Undoubtedly the teachers are qualified performers, but whether or not they are good teachers is controversial. One way of strengthening is argument would be to talk about the years of experience that they had in tutoring future dancers. The most acceptable explanation in this regard would be if they had academic or vocational degrees in training dancers.
The third sentence of the statement makes it obscure on two levels. First of, the word 'many' is largely superficial. It does not refer to any statistical data like percent or proportions, and can be viewed as a mere advertisement stunt. What would make it more acceptable is a number, for example, 4 out of 5 pupils.
On the second level, even if we assume that a big proportion of the students do end up as successful professional dancers, what the statement doesn't show is how the school contributes to the career of these students. There could be many situations where the student could be inherently talented and the Pirouettes Ballet School was lucky to have them. Another possibility is that the students might have had proper access to top dance company auditions due to their familial ties. What the argument doesn't do is it doesn't show us that the school had something to do with the 'many' students who have become part of top groups. One way of doing that would be to explain exactly what the school does to help students land good positions. Maybe the school has a good counseling program as part of the program's 'intensity'. Maybe the school regularly arranges shows featuring their students for scouts to pick them from. Anything objective that the school does in order to help make professional careers for an aspirant could strengthen the argument vastly.
In summary, information regarding teaching experience of the trainers and the school's contribution in patronizing successful careers could strengthen the argument the most. In addition, changing vague terms like 'intensive' and 'many' by more quantitative words will make this more acceptable.
| Post date | Users | Rates | Link to Content |
|---|---|---|---|
| 2020-01-01 | himanshu mardikar | 59 | view |
| 2019-12-17 | srujanakeerthi | 77 | view |
| 2019-12-15 | Chayank_11 | 33 | view |
| 2019-12-05 | Opak Pulu | 69 | view |
| 2019-11-05 | Prudhvi6054 | 79 | view |
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Comments
Essay evaluation report
Attribute Value Ideal
Final score: 4.0 out of 6
Category: Good Excellent
No. of Grammatical Errors: 0 2
No. of Spelling Errors: 0 2
No. of Sentences: 26 15
No. of Words: 505 350
No. of Characters: 2433 1500
No. of Different Words: 239 200
Fourth Root of Number of Words: 4.74 4.7
Average Word Length: 4.818 4.6
Word Length SD: 2.764 2.4
No. of Words greater than 5 chars: 163 100
No. of Words greater than 6 chars: 130 80
No. of Words greater than 7 chars: 98 40
No. of Words greater than 8 chars: 62 20
Use of Passive Voice (%): 0 0
Avg. Sentence Length: 19.423 21.0
Sentence Length SD: 6.862 7.5
Use of Discourse Markers (%): 0.5 0.12
Sentence-Text Coherence: 0.274 0.35
Sentence-Para Coherence: 0.473 0.50
Sentence-Sentence Coherence: 0.099 0.07
Number of Paragraphs: 5 5
Grammar and spelling errors:
Line 1, column 304, Rule ID: SOME_OF_THE[1]
Message: Simply use 'some'.
Suggestion: some
...w these lessons are important today are some of the questions that automatically arise due ...
^^^^^^^^^^^
Line 5, column 157, Rule ID: EN_CONTRACTION_SPELLING
Message: Possible spelling mistake found
Suggestion: doesn't
...ssful dancers in the professional world doesnt mean their students will be too. Anothe...
^^^^^^
Line 5, column 523, Rule ID: WHETHER[7]
Message: Perhaps you can shorten this phrase to just 'whether'. It is correct though if you mean 'regardless of whether'.
Suggestion: whether
... teachers are qualified performers, but whether or not they are good teachers is controversial...
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Line 13, column 143, Rule ID: EN_CONTRACTION_SPELLING
Message: Possible spelling mistake found
Suggestion: doesn't
...rofessional dancers, what the statement doesnt show is how the school contributes to t...
^^^^^^
Line 13, column 500, Rule ID: EN_CONTRACTION_SPELLING
Message: Possible spelling mistake found
Suggestion: doesn't
... their familial ties. What the argument doesnt do is it doesnt show us that the school...
^^^^^^
Line 13, column 516, Rule ID: EN_CONTRACTION_SPELLING
Message: Possible spelling mistake found
Suggestion: doesn't
...ties. What the argument doesnt do is it doesnt show us that the school had something t...
^^^^^^
Line 13, column 797, Rule ID: POSSESIVE_APOSTROPHE[2]
Message: Possible typo: apostrophe is missing. Did you mean 'programs'' or 'program's'?
Suggestion: programs'; program's
... good counseling program as part of the programs intensity. Maybe the school regularly a...
^^^^^^^^
Line 17, column 79, Rule ID: POSSESIVE_APOSTROPHE[1]
Message: Possible typo: apostrophe is missing. Did you mean 'schools'' or 'school's'?
Suggestion: schools'; school's
...hing experience of the trainers and the schools contribution in patronizing successful ...
^^^^^^^
Transition Words or Phrases used:
but, first, if, look, may, regarding, second, so, then, third, for example, in addition, in summary, kind of, first of all
Attributes: Values AverageValues Percentages(Values/AverageValues)% => Comments
Performance on Part of Speech:
To be verbs : 26.0 19.6327345309 132% => OK
Auxiliary verbs: 13.0 12.9520958084 100% => OK
Conjunction : 11.0 11.1786427146 98% => OK
Relative clauses : 11.0 13.6137724551 81% => OK
Pronoun: 34.0 28.8173652695 118% => OK
Preposition: 63.0 55.5748502994 113% => OK
Nominalization: 21.0 16.3942115768 128% => OK
Performance on vocabulary words:
No of characters: 2494.0 2260.96107784 110% => OK
No of words: 501.0 441.139720559 114% => OK
Chars per words: 4.97804391218 5.12650576532 97% => OK
Fourth root words length: 4.73107062784 4.56307096286 104% => OK
Word Length SD: 2.8087953144 2.78398813304 101% => OK
Unique words: 244.0 204.123752495 120% => OK
Unique words percentage: 0.487025948104 0.468620217663 104% => OK
syllable_count: 757.8 705.55239521 107% => OK
avg_syllables_per_word: 1.5 1.59920159681 94% => OK
A sentence (or a clause, phrase) starts by:
Pronoun: 3.0 4.96107784431 60% => OK
Article: 6.0 8.76447105788 68% => OK
Subordination: 2.0 2.70958083832 74% => OK
Conjunction: 2.0 1.67365269461 119% => OK
Preposition: 6.0 4.22255489022 142% => OK
Performance on sentences:
How many sentences: 26.0 19.7664670659 132% => OK
Sentence length: 19.0 22.8473053892 83% => The Avg. Sentence Length is relatively short.
Sentence length SD: 39.7468505693 57.8364921388 69% => OK
Chars per sentence: 95.9230769231 119.503703932 80% => OK
Words per sentence: 19.2692307692 23.324526521 83% => OK
Discourse Markers: 4.69230769231 5.70786347227 82% => OK
Paragraphs: 5.0 5.15768463074 97% => OK
Language errors: 8.0 5.25449101796 152% => OK
Sentences with positive sentiment : 18.0 8.20758483034 219% => Less positive sentences wanted.
Sentences with negative sentiment : 5.0 6.88822355289 73% => OK
Sentences with neutral sentiment: 3.0 4.67664670659 64% => OK
What are sentences with positive/Negative/neutral sentiment?
Coherence and Cohesion:
Essay topic to essay body coherence: 0.239250405559 0.218282227539 110% => OK
Sentence topic coherence: 0.0579928670847 0.0743258471296 78% => OK
Sentence topic coherence SD: 0.0506416613643 0.0701772020484 72% => OK
Paragraph topic coherence: 0.107842951471 0.128457276422 84% => OK
Paragraph topic coherence SD: 0.0620351112667 0.0628817314937 99% => OK
Essay readability:
automated_readability_index: 11.7 14.3799401198 81% => Automated_readability_index is low.
flesch_reading_ease: 60.65 48.3550499002 125% => OK
smog_index: 8.8 7.1628742515 123% => OK
flesch_kincaid_grade: 9.5 12.197005988 78% => OK
coleman_liau_index: 11.6 12.5979740519 92% => OK
dale_chall_readability_score: 8.05 8.32208582834 97% => OK
difficult_words: 110.0 98.500998004 112% => OK
linsear_write_formula: 8.0 12.3882235529 65% => OK
gunning_fog: 9.6 11.1389221557 86% => OK
text_standard: 12.0 11.9071856287 101% => OK
What are above readability scores?
---------------------
Rates: 66.67 out of 100
Scores by essay e-grader: 4.0 Out of 6
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Note: the e-grader does NOT examine the meaning of words and ideas. VIP users will receive further evaluations by advanced module of e-grader and human graders.