Many people believe that increasing levels of violence on television and in films is having a direct result on levels of violence in society. Others claim that violence in society is the result of more fundamental social problems such as unemployment. How much do you think society is affected by violence in the media?
Violence in society is an extremely controversial issue today. Some think that aggressive behavior is becoming more and more because of the rising amount of violent content in media, while others argue that the growth in violence conduct comes from social issues like the lack of work, joblessness. In other words, opinions are divided as to whether the tendency of aggressive behavior is based on media or social issues, I honestly think that the fundamental issues are indeed the root cause for violence and media just plays a small part.
It is not a coincidence that violence is increasing in countries where the unemployment rate has gradually increased. While economic stagnation has dramatically proceeded, arranging basic necessities for survival becomes a challenge for person have no income. Those who have lost everything are tend to commit violence and threaten not only their family, environment but also the peace of society.
Firstly, the unemployment disappears the self-confidence among people who don’t work. Those people, according to researches, especially men can show this through the violence in his family. Violence in family, violence against women and children have raised because of joblessness. As understood, unemployment has dynamics that will affect the core structure of society, family, and then the peace of society.
Secondly, As women and children suffer from the violence in family, society can face the devastating effect of unemployment on peace. For example, Nigeria, one of the countries with highest unemployment rate, fights against terrorism. The members of Bako Harram, the terrorist group, are generally uneducated and unemployment people. If government established well planned education system and allocated its budget to create new work areas, Nigerian people would receive an education and have a job so terrorist group would have difficulty finding members.
I cannot say that I agree with the violence has increased through television and media. Individuals may be affected by the content of violent films but it does not provide the component evidence for the view that films will causes the raise of violence. In addition, if media or television brought about the tendency of aggression, the U.S.A would suffer from the spread of violence in society because violent films are predominantly made in America.
To sum up, although the violence through media may affect the people individually, there is no fact to say that media may cause the violence in whole society. I believe that fundamental problems outweigh the effect of media on rising level of violence. If we want to disappear the violence in society, we can take an attention to education and create new working areas.
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Grammar and spelling errors:
Line 1, column 337, Rule ID: WHETHER[6]
Message: Can you shorten this phrase to just 'whether', or rephrase the sentence to avoid "as to"?
Suggestion: whether
...s. In other words, opinions are divided as to whether the tendency of aggressive behavior is ...
^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Line 3, column 183, Rule ID: BASIC_FUNDAMENTALS[1]
Message: Use simply 'necessities'.
Suggestion: necessities
...n has dramatically proceeded, arranging basic necessities for survival becomes a challenge for pe...
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Line 3, column 296, Rule ID: BEEN_PART_AGREEMENT[1]
Message: Consider using a past participle here: 'tended'.
Suggestion: tended
...ome. Those who have lost everything are tend to commit violence and threaten not onl...
^^^^
Line 7, column 101, Rule ID: WHITESPACE_RULE
Message: Possible typo: you repeated a whitespace
Suggestion:
...family, society can face the devastating effect of unemployment on peace. For exa...
^^
Line 7, column 179, Rule ID: THE_SUPERLATIVE[2]
Message: A determiner is probably missing here: 'with the highest'.
Suggestion: with the highest
... example, Nigeria, one of the countries with highest unemployment rate, fights against terro...
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Line 11, column 225, Rule ID: DID_BASEFORM[1]
Message: The verb 'will' requires the base form of the verb: 'cause'
Suggestion: cause
...t evidence for the view that films will causes the raise of violence. In addition, if ...
^^^^^^
Line 11, column 341, Rule ID: SENTENCE_WHITESPACE
Message: Add a space between sentences
Suggestion: A
...out the tendency of aggression, the U.S.A would suffer from the spread of violenc...
^
Transition Words or Phrases used:
also, but, first, firstly, honestly, if, may, second, secondly, so, then, well, while, as to, for example, in addition, in other words, to sum up
Attributes: Values AverageValues Percentages(Values/AverageValues)% => Comments
Performance on Part of Speech:
To be verbs : 12.0 13.1623246493 91% => OK
Auxiliary verbs: 12.0 7.85571142285 153% => OK
Conjunction : 15.0 10.4138276553 144% => OK
Relative clauses : 12.0 7.30460921844 164% => OK
Pronoun: 23.0 24.0651302605 96% => OK
Preposition: 56.0 41.998997996 133% => OK
Nominalization: 33.0 8.3376753507 396% => Less nominalizations (nouns with a suffix like: tion ment ence ance) wanted.
Performance on vocabulary words:
No of characters: 2318.0 1615.20841683 144% => OK
No of words: 432.0 315.596192385 137% => Less content wanted.
Chars per words: 5.36574074074 5.12529762239 105% => OK
Fourth root words length: 4.55901411391 4.20363070211 108% => OK
Word Length SD: 2.85880285649 2.80592935109 102% => OK
Unique words: 226.0 176.041082164 128% => OK
Unique words percentage: 0.523148148148 0.561755894193 93% => More unique words wanted or less content wanted.
syllable_count: 733.5 506.74238477 145% => OK
avg_syllables_per_word: 1.7 1.60771543086 106% => OK
A sentence (or a clause, phrase) starts by:
Pronoun: 7.0 5.43587174349 129% => OK
Article: 5.0 2.52805611222 198% => OK
Subordination: 8.0 2.10420841683 380% => Less adverbial clause wanted.
Conjunction: 1.0 0.809619238477 124% => OK
Preposition: 4.0 4.76152304609 84% => OK
Performance on sentences:
How many sentences: 20.0 16.0721442886 124% => OK
Sentence length: 21.0 20.2975951904 103% => OK
Sentence length SD: 50.8490658715 49.4020404114 103% => OK
Chars per sentence: 115.9 106.682146367 109% => OK
Words per sentence: 21.6 20.7667163134 104% => OK
Discourse Markers: 7.25 7.06120827912 103% => OK
Paragraphs: 6.0 4.38176352705 137% => Less paragraphs wanted.
Language errors: 7.0 5.01903807615 139% => OK
Sentences with positive sentiment : 3.0 8.67935871743 35% => More positive sentences wanted.
Sentences with negative sentiment : 17.0 3.9879759519 426% => Less negative sentences wanted.
Sentences with neutral sentiment: 0.0 3.4128256513 0% => More facts, knowledge or examples wanted.
What are sentences with positive/Negative/neutral sentiment?
Coherence and Cohesion:
Essay topic to essay body coherence: 0.310403225075 0.244688304435 127% => OK
Sentence topic coherence: 0.0955826639376 0.084324248473 113% => OK
Sentence topic coherence SD: 0.0592891107031 0.0667982634062 89% => OK
Paragraph topic coherence: 0.159319660798 0.151304729494 105% => OK
Paragraph topic coherence SD: 0.0466389101764 0.056905535591 82% => OK
Essay readability:
automated_readability_index: 14.7 13.0946893788 112% => OK
flesch_reading_ease: 41.7 50.2224549098 83% => OK
smog_index: 8.8 7.44779559118 118% => OK
flesch_kincaid_grade: 12.7 11.3001002004 112% => OK
coleman_liau_index: 13.87 12.4159519038 112% => OK
dale_chall_readability_score: 8.74 8.58950901804 102% => OK
difficult_words: 111.0 78.4519038076 141% => OK
linsear_write_formula: 13.5 9.78957915832 138% => OK
gunning_fog: 10.4 10.1190380762 103% => OK
text_standard: 14.0 10.7795591182 130% => OK
What are above readability scores?
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Maximum five paragraphs wanted.
Rates: 56.1797752809 out of 100
Scores by essay e-grader: 5.0 Out of 9
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Note: the e-grader does NOT examine the meaning of words and ideas. VIP users will receive further evaluations by advanced module of e-grader and human graders.