The following appeared in a memo from a vice president of Alta Manufacturing.
"During the past year, Alta Manufacturing had thirty percent more on-the-job accidents than nearby Panoply Industries, where the work shifts are one hour shorter than ours. Experts believe that a significant contributing factor in many accidents is fatigue caused by sleep deprivation among workers. Therefore, to reduce the number of on-the-job accidents at Alta, we recommend shortening each of our three work shifts by one hour. If we do this, our employees will get adequate amounts of sleep."
Write a response in which you discuss what questions would need to be answered in order to decide whether the recommendation and the argument on which it is based are reasonable. Be sure to explain how the answers to these questions would help to evaluate the recommendation.
The Vice president of Alta Manufacturing recommends shortening of work shifts to decrease the number of on-the-job accidents. He blames sleep deprivation as one of the major causes of these on site accidents, but fails to substantiate this claim with concrete evidence.He fails to take into account various other factors that may lead to industrial accidents. His recommendations are not supported by any data or analysis, which may strengthen his stand.
The vice president compares the accident rate of his company with near by Panoply Industries and cites that their lower accident rate last year is because they have shorter work shifts. This comparison could be strengthened if he had given more details. the larger the industry, more are the accidents that are bound to happen.The comparison is only viable if similar type of work is carried out within both industries.The figures provided by the vice president are of the previous year.A more comprehensive analysis must be carried out over a larger period of time and more than one neighboring industries must be involved in this research.
The vice president also focuses on sleep deprivation due to longer working shifts as one of the major causes of these accidents.He quotes the findings of an expert, but does not divulge any more details about him. His argument could be strengthened if he could give details about the experts and any research or analysis carried out by them.The Vice president suggests to shorten the working shifts of the workers, but that does not necessarily mean that they will get more sleep.Hence another full proof solution needs to be worked out.
Finally, there are numerous other factors involved in industrial accidents.If the company lacks proper international safety standards, then accidents are inevitable.Its also depends on the quality of workforce.Improperly trained workers are accident prone.Lack of Safety drills and contingency plans can also lead to disasters.
Hence, in conclusion the vice president of Alta Manufacturing needs to base his claims on proper facts and evidence.Extensive research and details are required before the following recommendation of shortening work shifts is implemented.
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Comments
You are not following the
You are not following the instructions. You are supposed to ask some questions. But your essay took another route in analyzing the task. Is it fine to write like this?
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argument 1 -- OK
argument 2 -- not OK
argument 3 -- OK
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Attribute Value Ideal
Score: 3.5 out of 6
Category: Satisfactory Excellent
No. of Grammatical Errors: 0 2
No. of Spelling Errors: 0 2
No. of Sentences: 17 15
No. of Words: 358 350
No. of Characters: 1825 1500
No. of Different Words: 183 200
Fourth Root of Number of Words: 4.35 4.7
Average Word Length: 5.098 4.6
Word Length SD: 2.776 2.4
No. of Words greater than 5 chars: 131 100
No. of Words greater than 6 chars: 105 80
No. of Words greater than 7 chars: 74 40
No. of Words greater than 8 chars: 49 20
Use of Passive Voice (%): 0 0
Avg. Sentence Length: 21.059 21.0
Sentence Length SD: 9.908 7.5
Use of Discourse Markers (%): 0.765 0.12
Sentence-Text Coherence: 0.317 0.35
Sentence-Para Coherence: 0.552 0.50
Sentence-Sentence Coherence: 0.083 0.07
Number of Paragraphs: 5 5