78 The following appeared in a memo from the vice president of a food distribution company with food storage warehouses in several cities.
"Recently, we signed a contract with the Fly-Away Pest Control Company to provide pest control services at our fast-food warehouse in Palm City, but last month we discovered that over $20,000 worth of food there had been destroyed by pest damage. Meanwhile, the Buzzoff Pest Control Company, which we have used for many years, continued to service our warehouse in Wintervale, and last month only $10,000 worth of the food stored there had been destroyed by pest damage. Even though the price charged by Fly-Away is considerably lower, our best means of saving money is to return to Buzzoff for all our pest control services."
In this memo, the vice president claims that choosing Buzzoff for pest control services can minimize the cost for the reason that Wintervale, which is served by Buzzoff, has been less destroyed in the last month. Although the claim seems plausible, however, a close scrutiny reveals its untenability.
At the first place, the lost caused by pest damage cannot be compared according to the money between Palm City and Buzzoff. On the one hand, warehouse of these two places may be different in many ways. For example, the number of warehouse of Palm City may be much larger than Wintervale, thus the food in Palm City is more likely to be destroyed even though the rate of damaged in Palm City may be equal to even less than which in Wintervale. On the other hand, there are many differences between thse two cities due to their different conditions and positions. Perhaps, the temperature in Palm City in the last month is more suitable for pests to multiply or the geographic features in Palm City is more benificial for the reproduction of pests. Without excluding these possibilities, the author cannot directly compare the lost of these two cities.
Secondly, the vice president only focuses on the data of last month, which is not general and representative. He or she overlooks a strong possibility that except the last month, Fly-Away Pest Control Company has better behavior than Buzzoff. Therefore, the vice president cannot get the result that Buzzoff has the better ability to prevent pests without more information in other months.
Finally, without enough data, the author mistakenly concludes the choosing Buzzoff can save more money. The total cost relates to pest is equals to the charge of pest control company plus the price of destroyed food. Although the charge of Fly-Away is lower and Fly-Away would cause more lost of destroyed food, the total cost of relates to pest when Fly-Away is served can be both larger and smaller than Buzzoff once the charge of pest control of Buzzoff is much higher than Fly-Away. Thus, to find the best means of saving money, the vice president should provide more data about the the charge of these two companies.
In summary, the arguer fails to conclude that choosing Buzzoff as pest control server is the best way to save money. To make the argument persuasive, the author should provide more information about the efficiency of preventing pests of two companies, the specific conditions such as temperatures. More information about the performance in other months and the charge of two companies is also appreciated.
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total cost relates to pest is equals to the charge of pest control company
total cost relates to pest is equal to the charge of pest control company
Sentence: Although the charge of Fly-Away is lower and Fly-Away would cause more lost of destroyed food, the total cost of relates to pest when Fly-Away is served can be both larger and smaller than Buzzoff once the charge of pest control of Buzzoff is much higher than Fly-Away.
Description: The token of is not usually followed by a verb, present tense, 3rd person singular
Suggestion: Refer to of and relates
Sentence: Thus, to find the best means of saving money, the vice president should provide more data about the the charge of these two companies.
Description: The token the is not usually followed by an article
Suggestion: Refer to the and the
Sentence: On the other hand, there are many differences between thse two cities due to their different conditions and positions.
Error: thse Suggestion: those
Sentence: Perhaps, the temperature in Palm City in the last month is more suitable for pests to multiply or the geographic features in Palm City is more benificial for the reproduction of pests.
Error: benificial Suggestion: beneficial
argument 1 -- OK
argument 2 -- OK
argument 3 -- OK
Attribute Value Ideal
Score: 4.0 out of 6
Category: Good Excellent
No. of Grammatical Errors: 3 2
No. of Spelling Errors: 2 2
No. of Sentences: 18 15
No. of Words: 431 350
No. of Characters: 2097 1500
No. of Different Words: 188 200
Fourth Root of Number of Words: 4.556 4.7
Average Word Length: 4.865 4.6
Word Length SD: 2.496 2.4
No. of Words greater than 5 chars: 147 100
No. of Words greater than 6 chars: 107 80
No. of Words greater than 7 chars: 69 40
No. of Words greater than 8 chars: 46 20
Use of Passive Voice (%): 0 0
Avg. Sentence Length: 23.944 21.0
Sentence Length SD: 10.003 7.5
Use of Discourse Markers (%): 0.667 0.12
Sentence-Text Coherence: 0.334 0.35
Sentence-Para Coherence: 0.57 0.50
Sentence-Sentence Coherence: 0.091 0.07
Number of Paragraphs: 5 5