TPO 21 q2 For success in a future job, the ability to relate well to people is more important than studying hard in school.

In my view, being succeed in future job is something that we have to make us ready for it. It doesn't reach easily so it needs a plan which must be designed when we are just teenagers. Studying hard in school and university is one of the parameter that can prepare us. I disagree with the statement.

The first reason which makes me not to support this statement is about what we learn in schools. I believe that all of the courses that we have to pass in schools are essential for succeeding in future jobs. For example, my least favorite course in school was geography. Now I'm working with an oil company. I really feel the influence of learning it in my job. I need to know different things about earth and its layers. In the other words, I use the information in my job which comes from my school knowledge.

The most important effect of studying hard in school on our future jobs is related to what jobs we can attend. By highlighted marks in school, we are able to go to top universities. If a person graduated from a top university, he can find better job with high salary in compared to a weak student who comes from an ordinary university. My uncle was the first top student in his school periods. It helped him to study in one of the 10% top universities in the world. What he achieves now is an excellent job in a big computer company with a salary much higher above the average.

Finally, the high respect in society comes up. People can get high attention when they are educated. Attracting attentions in this way brings them a high level of respects. For instance, we can compare the level of respects which come to a professor and a secretory. However the secretory is being respected, the professor get these respects at higher level and by more persons including secretory.

We can conclude that studying hard in school can provide us better job with blazing future in it.

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the professor get these respects at higher level
the professors get these respects at higher levels

We can conclude that studying hard in school can provide us better job with blazing future in it.
Description: 'it' refers to what? Be sensitive to use 'it'.

flaws:
The topic is: Is A more important than B? You should not just talk B, need to compare and contrast A and B.

Attribute Value Ideal
Score: 20 in 30
Category: Good Excellent
No. of Grammatical Errors: 2 2
No. of Spelling Errors: 1 2
No. of Sentences: 23 15
No. of Words: 347 350
No. of Characters: 1509 1500
No. of Different Words: 181 200
Fourth Root of Number of Words: 4.316 4.7
Average Word Length: 4.349 4.6
Word Length SD: 2.463 2.4
No. of Words greater than 5 chars: 101 100
No. of Words greater than 6 chars: 72 80
No. of Words greater than 7 chars: 48 40
No. of Words greater than 8 chars: 31 20
Use of Passive Voice (%): 0 0
Avg. Sentence Length: 15.087 21.0
Sentence Length SD: 5.437 7.5
Use of Discourse Markers (%): 0.435 0.12
Sentence-Text Coherence: 0.285 0.35
Sentence-Para Coherence: 0.488 0.50
Sentence-Sentence Coherence: 0.172 0.07
Number of Paragraphs: 5 5