Beliefs are just vague facts that an individual is supposed to have out of their life lessons. Like the author has mentioned it is harmful for a person to compromise their own beliefs such that it goes contradictory to the path of life they have crossed. However, Peoples change; Beliefs change; Life changes at some point of time. We cannot derive a solid proof for the harmfulness endured from giving upon our beliefs. For instance, The Ancient people from the Paleolithic age believed that the only food they could eat is Animals and their flesh. Having their belief changed now and hopefully it has not been so harmful for the mankind to change from a Paleolithic to the era of Modern science and Technology age where we have plethora of option to pounce upon for our diet.
Similarly, the primitive beliefs have taken a giant leap in evolution. Evidences for mankind to give up on their beliefs to the betterment is visibly seen. Wright brothers believed that Man could fly. Edison believed in Electricity. Scientists and researchers have laid the foundation for their inventions based on their veteran's Beliefs and have paved way for the evolution of the Electricity and Aeroplane. It will not be possible for them to have initiated a Industrial and technical revolution if at all they get stuck to the age old beliefs and postulation of the ancient people.
Furthermore to add, People change and get adapted to the circumstances they face. Most of the people are put in a dire situation to compromise their beliefs for the welfare of their generations. The best example to be cited here is the Colonial Era by the British. The circumstances were such that the enslaved people were tensibly weak to establish their supremacy over the British. They had to give up on many of their beliefs and rituals just for the sake that the Brits claimed them to be a foolish way of living. In India the governor general Benedict even imposed fines and enacted few acts to put an end to the local beliefs of the people. Now how is it possible for the people to revolt against this and stick on to their beliefs? Thus circumstance plays a key role in determining people's lives.
Finally, Majority of people put down their beliefs for the sake of the well being of their society. For instance, in India untouchability was believed to be prevalent during the early 17th and later on in 18th century too. People were restricted from touching a inferior class people. They were even denied the rights. Untouchability was believed to be a crime. Now the situation has changed totally that people from all walks of life are leading a harmonious life and this compromise on the belief have not been harmful anyway. Indeed, it has paved way for the betterment of the humanity.
To recapitulate, Changing one's belief for the betterment of the humanity is no way considered harmful. Apparently, It can make the world a better place to live in.
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- Ielts Cambridge book 7 test 2 writing task 1 55
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Grammar and spelling errors:
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... pounce upon for our diet. Similarly, the primitive beliefs have taken a giant...
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... be possible for them to have initiated a Industrial and technical revolution if...
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... them to have initiated a Industrial and technical revolution if at all they get ...
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Message: Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Suggestion: Furthermore,
...d postulation of the ancient people. Furthermore to add, People change and get adapted t...
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...o. People were restricted from touching a inferior class people. They were even d...
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Suggestion: one's
... humanity. To recapitulate, Changing ones belief for the betterment of the humani...
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Transition Words or Phrases used:
anyway, apparently, finally, furthermore, however, if, similarly, so, thus, well, for instance
Attributes: Values AverageValues Percentages(Values/AverageValues)% => Comments
Performance on Part of Speech:
To be verbs : 24.0 19.5258426966 123% => OK
Auxiliary verbs: 5.0 12.4196629213 40% => OK
Conjunction : 14.0 14.8657303371 94% => OK
Relative clauses : 8.0 11.3162921348 71% => More relative clauses wanted.
Pronoun: 42.0 33.0505617978 127% => Less pronouns wanted
Preposition: 74.0 58.6224719101 126% => OK
Nominalization: 14.0 12.9106741573 108% => OK
Performance on vocabulary words:
No of characters: 2432.0 2235.4752809 109% => OK
No of words: 507.0 442.535393258 115% => OK
Chars per words: 4.79684418146 5.05705443957 95% => OK
Fourth root words length: 4.74517233601 4.55969084622 104% => OK
Word Length SD: 2.66547888536 2.79657885939 95% => OK
Unique words: 237.0 215.323595506 110% => OK
Unique words percentage: 0.467455621302 0.4932671777 95% => More unique words wanted or less content wanted.
syllable_count: 770.4 704.065955056 109% => OK
avg_syllables_per_word: 1.5 1.59117977528 94% => OK
A sentence (or a clause, phrase) starts by:
Pronoun: 6.0 6.24550561798 96% => OK
Article: 4.0 4.99550561798 80% => OK
Subordination: 0.0 3.10617977528 0% => More adverbial clause wanted.
Conjunction: 0.0 1.77640449438 0% => OK
Preposition: 4.0 4.38483146067 91% => OK
Performance on sentences:
How many sentences: 29.0 20.2370786517 143% => OK
Sentence length: 17.0 23.0359550562 74% => The Avg. Sentence Length is relatively short.
Sentence length SD: 46.9786299989 60.3974514979 78% => OK
Chars per sentence: 83.8620689655 118.986275619 70% => OK
Words per sentence: 17.4827586207 23.4991977007 74% => OK
Discourse Markers: 3.24137931034 5.21951772744 62% => OK
Paragraphs: 5.0 4.97078651685 101% => OK
Language errors: 6.0 7.80617977528 77% => OK
Sentences with positive sentiment : 7.0 10.2758426966 68% => OK
Sentences with negative sentiment : 11.0 5.13820224719 214% => Less negative sentences wanted.
Sentences with neutral sentiment: 11.0 4.83258426966 228% => Less facts, knowledge or examples wanted.
What are sentences with positive/Negative/neutral sentiment?
Coherence and Cohesion:
Essay topic to essay body coherence: 0.10486130746 0.243740707755 43% => OK
Sentence topic coherence: 0.0318956950979 0.0831039109588 38% => Sentence topic similarity is low.
Sentence topic coherence SD: 0.0294313370249 0.0758088955206 39% => Sentences are similar to each other.
Paragraph topic coherence: 0.0692678411906 0.150359130593 46% => OK
Paragraph topic coherence SD: 0.0131959839561 0.0667264976115 20% => Paragraphs are similar to each other. Some content may get duplicated or it is not exactly right on the topic.
Essay readability:
automated_readability_index: 9.9 14.1392134831 70% => Automated_readability_index is low.
flesch_reading_ease: 62.68 48.8420337079 128% => OK
smog_index: 3.1 7.92365168539 39% => Smog_index is low.
flesch_kincaid_grade: 8.7 12.1743820225 71% => OK
coleman_liau_index: 10.26 12.1639044944 84% => OK
dale_chall_readability_score: 8.12 8.38706741573 97% => OK
difficult_words: 117.0 100.480337079 116% => OK
linsear_write_formula: 8.0 11.8971910112 67% => OK
gunning_fog: 8.8 11.2143820225 78% => OK
text_standard: 9.0 11.7820224719 76% => OK
What are above readability scores?
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Rates: 50.0 out of 100
Scores by essay e-grader: 3.0 Out of 6
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Note: the e-grader does NOT examine the meaning of words and ideas. VIP users will receive further evaluations by advanced module of e-grader and human graders.