The following report appeared in the newsletter of the West Meria Public Health Council.
"An innovative treatment has come to our attention that promises to significantly reduce absenteeism in our schools and workplaces. A study reports that in nearby East Meria, where fish consumption is very high, people visit the doctor only once or twice per year for the treatment of colds. Clearly, eating a substantial amount of fish can prevent colds. Since colds represent the most frequently given reason for absences from school and work, we recommend the daily use of Ichthaid — a nutritional supplement derived from fish oil — as a good way to prevent colds and lower absenteeism."
Write a response in which you discuss what specific evidence is needed to evaluate the argument and explain how the evidence would weaken or strengthen the argument.
While it may be true that consumption of fish oil supplement will prevent cold and will reduce the amount of school and work absenteeism in West Meria, this author’s argument does not make a cogent case because these two factors might not be related. It is easy to understand that a study report from doctor offices with low number of cold treatment visits and high consumption of fish among those visitors in East Meria might give us reliable results, but the author needs verifiable evidences to prove his/her claim.
First of all, the author mentions that doctor visits for cold treatment in East Meria are only twice a year because of high eating of fish in this area; however, the author does not mention about other factors that can boost our immune system against cold. For example, exercise and consuming fresh fruits and vegetable will bring minerals and vitamins to human body which can make our bodies strong to beat cold.
Additionally, the author does not mention about similarities and differences between East and West Meria. East Meria might have warmer weather or less air pollution, which can naturally, brings the number of cold cases lower than West Meria. When people live in healthy environment, they get less sick. To strengthen his/her argument, the author needs to compare weather condition between these two regions because it can make expected result that is more logical.
Last but not least, the author does not know if cold is the most reason of school and work absentees or not. There are other factors that students or employees take absences. For example, students who will not finish their homework on time might not want to go to school for those days. Or employees who have personal reasons like family issues or even trip plans might use their sick days.
The author can make his/her recommendation persuasive when he/she gathers information about other factors than fish consumption which can prevent getting cold, similarities and differences between two regions, and also prove of if the cold is the most reason of work and school absentees or not. After answering these questions, the author can make such a conclusion.
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Comments
e-rater score report
Attribute Value Ideal
Final score: 4.0 out of 6
Category: Good Excellent
No. of Grammatical Errors: 8 2
No. of Spelling Errors: 1 2
No. of Sentences: 14 15
No. of Words: 366 350
No. of Characters: 1761 1500
No. of Different Words: 187 200
Fourth Root of Number of Words: 4.374 4.7
Average Word Length: 4.811 4.6
Word Length SD: 2.343 2.4
No. of Words greater than 5 chars: 115 100
No. of Words greater than 6 chars: 78 80
No. of Words greater than 7 chars: 47 40
No. of Words greater than 8 chars: 32 20
Use of Passive Voice (%): 0 0
Avg. Sentence Length: 26.143 21.0
Sentence Length SD: 13.574 7.5
Use of Discourse Markers (%): 0.5 0.12
Sentence-Text Coherence: 0.375 0.35
Sentence-Para Coherence: 0.375 0.50
Sentence-Sentence Coherence: 0.133 0.07
Number of Paragraphs: 1 5
Transition Words or Phrases used:
also, but, first, however, if, may, so, then, while, for example, first of all
Attributes: Values AverageValues Percentages(Values/AverageValues)% => Comments
Performance on Part of Speech:
To be verbs : 8.0 19.6327345309 41% => More to be verbs wanted.
Auxiliary verbs: 17.0 12.9520958084 131% => OK
Conjunction : 20.0 11.1786427146 179% => OK
Relative clauses : 13.0 13.6137724551 95% => OK
Pronoun: 30.0 28.8173652695 104% => OK
Preposition: 37.0 55.5748502994 67% => OK
Nominalization: 15.0 16.3942115768 91% => OK
Performance on vocabulary words:
No of characters: 1807.0 2260.96107784 80% => OK
No of words: 362.0 441.139720559 82% => More content wanted.
Chars per words: 4.99171270718 5.12650576532 97% => OK
Fourth root words length: 4.36191444098 4.56307096286 96% => OK
Word Length SD: 2.4191530578 2.78398813304 87% => OK
Unique words: 187.0 204.123752495 92% => More unique words wanted.
Unique words percentage: 0.516574585635 0.468620217663 110% => OK
syllable_count: 533.7 705.55239521 76% => OK
avg_syllables_per_word: 1.5 1.59920159681 94% => OK
A sentence (or a clause, phrase) starts by:
Pronoun: 3.0 4.96107784431 60% => OK
Article: 7.0 8.76447105788 80% => OK
Subordination: 3.0 2.70958083832 111% => OK
Conjunction: 3.0 1.67365269461 179% => OK
Preposition: 2.0 4.22255489022 47% => More preposition wanted as sentence beginning.
Performance on sentences:
How many sentences: 14.0 19.7664670659 71% => Need more sentences. Double check the format of sentences, make sure there is a space between two sentences, or have enough periods. And also check the lengths of sentences, maybe they are too long.
Sentence length: 25.0 22.8473053892 109% => OK
Sentence length SD: 78.2287657829 57.8364921388 135% => OK
Chars per sentence: 129.071428571 119.503703932 108% => OK
Words per sentence: 25.8571428571 23.324526521 111% => OK
Discourse Markers: 5.57142857143 5.70786347227 98% => OK
Paragraphs: 5.0 5.15768463074 97% => OK
Language errors: 0.0 5.25449101796 0% => OK
Sentences with positive sentiment : 5.0 8.20758483034 61% => OK
Sentences with negative sentiment : 6.0 6.88822355289 87% => OK
Sentences with neutral sentiment: 3.0 4.67664670659 64% => OK
What are sentences with positive/Negative/neutral sentiment?
Coherence and Cohesion:
Essay topic to essay body coherence: 0.119890843743 0.218282227539 55% => OK
Sentence topic coherence: 0.0425560585235 0.0743258471296 57% => OK
Sentence topic coherence SD: 0.0389395097153 0.0701772020484 55% => OK
Paragraph topic coherence: 0.0699797672274 0.128457276422 54% => OK
Paragraph topic coherence SD: 0.0374471077345 0.0628817314937 60% => OK
Essay readability:
automated_readability_index: 15.0 14.3799401198 104% => OK
flesch_reading_ease: 54.56 48.3550499002 113% => OK
smog_index: 3.1 7.1628742515 43% => Smog_index is low.
flesch_kincaid_grade: 11.9 12.197005988 98% => OK
coleman_liau_index: 11.96 12.5979740519 95% => OK
dale_chall_readability_score: 7.89 8.32208582834 95% => OK
difficult_words: 69.0 98.500998004 70% => More difficult words wanted.
linsear_write_formula: 17.5 12.3882235529 141% => OK
gunning_fog: 12.0 11.1389221557 108% => OK
text_standard: 12.0 11.9071856287 101% => OK
What are above readability scores?
---------------------
Rates: 66.67 out of 100
Scores by essay e-grader: 4.0 Out of 6
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Note: the e-grader does NOT examine the meaning of words and ideas. VIP users will receive further evaluations by advanced module of e-grader and human graders.