The following appeared in a recommendation from the planning department of the city of Transopolis.
"Ten years ago, as part of a comprehensive urban renewal program, the city of Transopolis adapted for industrial use a large area of severely substandard housing near the freeway. Subsequently, several factories were constructed there, crime rates in the area declined, and property tax revenues for the entire city increased. To further revitalize the city, we should now take similar action in a declining residential area on the opposite side of the city. Since some houses and apartments in existing nearby neighborhoods are currently unoccupied, alternate housing for those displaced by this action will be readily available."
Write a response in which you discuss what specific evidence is needed to evaluate the argument and explain how the evidence would weaken or strengthen the argument.
In the argument, the author concludes that the a transformation from the declining parts of Transpolis to a place meant for industrial use would result in a ebb in crime, an increase in property tax revenues, and a surge in the number of companies in the area. The author cites the practicality of this policy in another neighborhood in Transpolis. While this claim may be true, the author’s argument rest on the following three assumptions that severely diminish the credibility of his claim.
Firstly, the author assumes that the part of the city where crime plummeted was as a result of the building of companies. It is possible that the rate of crimes would have reduced if the policy was implemented or not. It is possible that the gang who normally attack them died in a gun shootout with the police. This could account for the reduction in the amount of crime. Furthermore, it is also possible that the robbers who rob these residents were already thinking of stopping regardless of the companies being built. In order to bolster the credibility of his argument, the author must investigate if there were other factors that resulted in the decrease in the number of crime.
Secondly, the author assumes that the plunge in the number of crime in this city was not an anomaly and it is an indication of future trends of other places, but this may not be true. Perhaps this place is just the only place where a policy like this could work. It is possible that the gangs in this part of the city only prefer to rob residents who may be defenseless to companies who could have securities, but this tells more about the audacity of the criminals than the practicality of the policy. The robbers present in other parts of Transpolis may not care if new companies that have security are built. To strengthen the validity of his claim, the author needs to determine the boldness of the criminals in other parts of the city.
Thirdly, the author assumes that these displaced people can afford the housing provided. Perhaps the residents of the declining neighborhood live there because they cannot afford housing elsewhere.The people who live in this declining neighborhoods may live there because they they are low income individuals. Similarly, these residents could have other pressing factors that require the most of the salary that these people earn. It is possible that these people spend most of their money on their children’s tuition, leaving little or no money for them to relocate. To bolster the credibility of his conclusion, the author needs to carry out a scientific survey that would show if these residents can afford to move.
In conclusion, the author may be correct in stating that would be a reduction in crime rate and an increase in property tax revenues. However, as It stands now, the author’s claim rests on threee unwarranted assumptions that decrease the credibility of his claim. To buttress the validity of his claim, he needs to address the three assumptions above.
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Comments
e-rater score report
Attribute Value Ideal
Final score: 3.5 out of 6
Category: Satisfactory Excellent
No. of Grammatical Errors: 4 2
No. of Spelling Errors: 5 2
No. of Sentences: 22 15
No. of Words: 513 350
No. of Characters: 2437 1500
No. of Different Words: 198 200
Fourth Root of Number of Words: 4.759 4.7
Average Word Length: 4.75 4.6
Word Length SD: 2.604 2.4
No. of Words greater than 5 chars: 162 100
No. of Words greater than 6 chars: 121 80
No. of Words greater than 7 chars: 91 40
No. of Words greater than 8 chars: 55 20
Use of Passive Voice (%): 0 0
Avg. Sentence Length: 23.318 21.0
Sentence Length SD: 9.152 7.5
Use of Discourse Markers (%): 0.636 0.12
Sentence-Text Coherence: 0.33 0.35
Sentence-Para Coherence: 0.33 0.50
Sentence-Sentence Coherence: 0.123 0.07
Number of Paragraphs: 1 5
Grammar and spelling errors:
Line 1, column 44, Rule ID: DT_DT[1]
Message: Maybe you need to remove one determiner so that only 'the' or 'a' is left.
Suggestion: the; a
...the argument, the author concludes that the a transformation from the declining parts...
^^^^^
Line 1, column 156, Rule ID: EN_A_VS_AN
Message: Use 'an' instead of 'a' if the following word starts with a vowel sound, e.g. 'an article', 'an hour'
Suggestion: an
...eant for industrial use would result in a ebb in crime, an increase in property t...
^
Line 4, column 179, Rule ID: AFFORD_VBG[1]
Message: This verb is used with infinitive: 'to house'.
Suggestion: to house
...d live there because they cannot afford housing elsewhere.The people who live in this d...
^^^^^^^
Line 4, column 197, Rule ID: SENTENCE_WHITESPACE
Message: Add a space between sentences
Suggestion: The
...se they cannot afford housing elsewhere.The people who live in this declining neigh...
^^^
Line 4, column 272, Rule ID: ENGLISH_WORD_REPEAT_RULE
Message: Possible typo: you repeated a word
Suggestion: they
...ng neighborhoods may live there because they they are low income individuals. Similarly, ...
^^^^^^^^^
Transition Words or Phrases used:
also, but, first, firstly, furthermore, however, if, may, second, secondly, similarly, so, then, third, thirdly, while, in conclusion, as a result
Attributes: Values AverageValues Percentages(Values/AverageValues)% => Comments
Performance on Part of Speech:
To be verbs : 20.0 19.6327345309 102% => OK
Auxiliary verbs: 18.0 12.9520958084 139% => OK
Conjunction : 7.0 11.1786427146 63% => OK
Relative clauses : 24.0 13.6137724551 176% => OK
Pronoun: 54.0 28.8173652695 187% => Less pronouns wanted
Preposition: 73.0 55.5748502994 131% => OK
Nominalization: 8.0 16.3942115768 49% => More nominalizations (nouns with a suffix like: tion ment ence ance) wanted.
Performance on vocabulary words:
No of characters: 2495.0 2260.96107784 110% => OK
No of words: 512.0 441.139720559 116% => OK
Chars per words: 4.873046875 5.12650576532 95% => OK
Fourth root words length: 4.75682846001 4.56307096286 104% => OK
Word Length SD: 2.71066098081 2.78398813304 97% => OK
Unique words: 205.0 204.123752495 100% => OK
Unique words percentage: 0.400390625 0.468620217663 85% => More unique words wanted or less content wanted.
syllable_count: 777.6 705.55239521 110% => OK
avg_syllables_per_word: 1.5 1.59920159681 94% => OK
A sentence (or a clause, phrase) starts by:
Pronoun: 8.0 4.96107784431 161% => OK
Article: 14.0 8.76447105788 160% => OK
Subordination: 2.0 2.70958083832 74% => OK
Conjunction: 3.0 1.67365269461 179% => OK
Preposition: 6.0 4.22255489022 142% => OK
Performance on sentences:
How many sentences: 22.0 19.7664670659 111% => OK
Sentence length: 23.0 22.8473053892 101% => OK
Sentence length SD: 51.1218969436 57.8364921388 88% => OK
Chars per sentence: 113.409090909 119.503703932 95% => OK
Words per sentence: 23.2727272727 23.324526521 100% => OK
Discourse Markers: 6.63636363636 5.70786347227 116% => OK
Paragraphs: 5.0 5.15768463074 97% => OK
Language errors: 5.0 5.25449101796 95% => OK
Sentences with positive sentiment : 2.0 8.20758483034 24% => More positive sentences wanted.
Sentences with negative sentiment : 13.0 6.88822355289 189% => OK
Sentences with neutral sentiment: 7.0 4.67664670659 150% => OK
What are sentences with positive/Negative/neutral sentiment?
Coherence and Cohesion:
Essay topic to essay body coherence: 0.062673670594 0.218282227539 29% => The similarity between the topic and the content is low.
Sentence topic coherence: 0.0204009643591 0.0743258471296 27% => Sentence topic similarity is low.
Sentence topic coherence SD: 0.0313781231975 0.0701772020484 45% => Sentences are similar to each other.
Paragraph topic coherence: 0.0403950499192 0.128457276422 31% => Maybe some paragraphs are off the topic.
Paragraph topic coherence SD: 0.0364563151931 0.0628817314937 58% => OK
Essay readability:
automated_readability_index: 13.1 14.3799401198 91% => Automated_readability_index is low.
flesch_reading_ease: 56.59 48.3550499002 117% => OK
smog_index: 8.8 7.1628742515 123% => OK
flesch_kincaid_grade: 11.1 12.197005988 91% => OK
coleman_liau_index: 11.26 12.5979740519 89% => OK
dale_chall_readability_score: 7.43 8.32208582834 89% => OK
difficult_words: 86.0 98.500998004 87% => OK
linsear_write_formula: 13.5 12.3882235529 109% => OK
gunning_fog: 11.2 11.1389221557 101% => OK
text_standard: 14.0 11.9071856287 118% => OK
What are above readability scores?
---------------------
It is not exactly right on the topic in the view of e-grader. Maybe there is a wrong essay topic.
Rates: 16.67 out of 100
Scores by essay e-grader: 1.0 Out of 6
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Note: the e-grader does NOT examine the meaning of words and ideas. VIP users will receive further evaluations by advanced module of e-grader and human graders.