TOEFL IND writing 185-141 If you could make one important change in a school that you attended, what change would you make? Use reasons and specific examples to support your answer.
It is critically vital that the school will never advance if they do not improve their policy or courses, which is essential for all teachers and workers in the school to notice and come up with solutions to adjust. In my opinion, I believe that schools from elementary to university nowadays shall focus on the students' manners instead of only on their school work. I feel this way for three reasons, which I will explore in the following statement.
To begin with, it is noticeable that scholars in the twenty century reversed their target to a single goal of attending higher ranking universities and getting rid of the most critical part of children's development. Manners are the most vital, yet fewer people consider them necessary enough for schools to plan a course to teach students. For instance, students mostly put their full effort into their studies, and they account that receiving high grades in the entrance examinations and attending world-famous universities is their ultimate goal in life, and an acceptable manner will not increase their grades which is unnecessary.
In addition, there is no doubt that a person who contains suitable personal traits has more advantages on observing jobs or finishing their work assignments. People who can cooperate with their teammates will lead to more efficient and effective teamwork and complete the task more quickly. By the way of illustration, no matter whether our teammates are our classmates or co-workers, it is clear that we shall cultivate the personal trait that people are willing to work with us, which means that a course focus on personal manners is necessary for all schools to practice.
Last on the contrary not least, there is no denying that possessing appropriate manners is the only method that brings about a more healthy and successful life. People have a lesser opportunity of getting furious or anxious while hardships occur, and they can exploit a more optimistic and mentally healthy angle to face the plight, instead of complaining about their environment or resources. To cite an instance, someone chooses to give up in distress, yet someone chooses to rise in difficulties, which means that the suitable manners learned from schools will bring about more positive thinking of the young.
In conclusion, I strongly believe that if the school is going to adjust its policy or strategy, it is extremely vital that the school shall plan a class that focuses on correcting or adjusting the pupils' manners, which will not only influence the undergraduates' future careers and their mental and physical health.
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Grammar and spelling errors:
Line 7, column 32, Rule ID: WHITESPACE_RULE
Message: Possible typo: you repeated a whitespace
Suggestion:
...h us. Last on the contrary not least, there is no denying that possessing appr...
^^
Transition Words or Phrases used:
if, so, while, for instance, i feel, in addition, in conclusion, no doubt, by the way, in my opinion, on the contrary, to begin with
Attributes: Values AverageValues Percentages(Values/AverageValues)% => Comments
Performance on Part of Speech:
To be verbs : 14.0 15.1003584229 93% => OK
Auxiliary verbs: 10.0 9.8082437276 102% => OK
Conjunction : 22.0 13.8261648746 159% => OK
Relative clauses : 18.0 11.0286738351 163% => OK
Pronoun: 42.0 43.0788530466 97% => OK
Preposition: 47.0 52.1666666667 90% => OK
Nominalization: 10.0 8.0752688172 124% => OK
Performance on vocabulary words:
No of characters: 2011.0 1977.66487455 102% => OK
No of words: 391.0 407.700716846 96% => OK
Chars per words: 5.14322250639 4.8611393121 106% => OK
Fourth root words length: 4.44676510885 4.48103885553 99% => OK
Word Length SD: 2.78316340191 2.67179642975 104% => OK
Unique words: 213.0 212.727598566 100% => OK
Unique words percentage: 0.544757033248 0.524837075471 104% => OK
syllable_count: 607.5 618.680645161 98% => OK
avg_syllables_per_word: 1.6 1.51630824373 106% => OK
A sentence (or a clause, phrase) starts by:
Pronoun: 7.0 9.59856630824 73% => OK
Article: 0.0 3.08781362007 0% => OK
Subordination: 0.0 3.51792114695 0% => More adverbial clause wanted.
Conjunction: 5.0 1.86738351254 268% => Less conjunction wanted as sentence beginning.
Preposition: 7.0 4.94265232975 142% => OK
Performance on sentences:
How many sentences: 13.0 20.6003584229 63% => Need more sentences. Double check the format of sentences, make sure there is a space between two sentences, or have enough periods. And also check the lengths of sentences, maybe they are too long.
Sentence length: 30.0 20.1344086022 149% => The Avg. Sentence Length is relatively long.
Sentence length SD: 67.0790401924 48.9658058833 137% => OK
Chars per sentence: 154.692307692 100.406767564 154% => OK
Words per sentence: 30.0769230769 20.6045352989 146% => OK
Discourse Markers: 10.1538461538 5.45110844103 186% => OK
Paragraphs: 5.0 4.53405017921 110% => OK
Language errors: 1.0 5.5376344086 18% => OK
Sentences with positive sentiment : 8.0 11.8709677419 67% => OK
Sentences with negative sentiment : 3.0 3.85842293907 78% => OK
Sentences with neutral sentiment: 2.0 4.88709677419 41% => OK
What are sentences with positive/Negative/neutral sentiment?
Coherence and Cohesion:
Essay topic to essay body coherence: 0.0309281728938 0.236089414692 13% => The similarity between the topic and the content is low.
Sentence topic coherence: 0.0120621976532 0.076458572812 16% => Sentence topic similarity is low.
Sentence topic coherence SD: 0.0146294722395 0.0737576698707 20% => Sentences are similar to each other.
Paragraph topic coherence: 0.0192647586309 0.150856017488 13% => Maybe some paragraphs are off the topic.
Paragraph topic coherence SD: 0.016730734633 0.0645574589148 26% => Paragraphs are similar to each other. Some content may get duplicated or it is not exactly right on the topic.
Essay readability:
automated_readability_index: 17.8 11.7677419355 151% => OK
flesch_reading_ease: 41.03 58.1214874552 71% => OK
smog_index: 8.8 6.10430107527 144% => OK
flesch_kincaid_grade: 15.0 10.1575268817 148% => OK
coleman_liau_index: 13.12 10.9000537634 120% => OK
dale_chall_readability_score: 9.57 8.01818996416 119% => OK
difficult_words: 110.0 86.8835125448 127% => OK
linsear_write_formula: 13.5 10.002688172 135% => OK
gunning_fog: 14.0 10.0537634409 139% => OK
text_standard: 14.0 10.247311828 137% => OK
What are above readability scores?
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It is not exactly right on the topic in the view of e-grader. Maybe there is a wrong essay topic.
Rates: 3.33333333333 out of 100
Scores by essay e-grader: 1.0 Out of 30
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Note: the e-grader does NOT examine the meaning of words and ideas. VIP users will receive further evaluations by advanced module of e-grader and human graders.