The following appeared in a memorandum from administrative head of the international students’ activities at Rydell College
“To better attend to the needs of the international students being admitted to Rydell College, we should build a new dining hall that serves food to students at subsidized rates. The current dining hall is very old and serves only expensive items and dishes, something that will certainly prevent future international students from applying to Rydell College. Building a new dining hall will avert this possibility and will definitely lead to a dramatic increase in a popularity of Rydell College. Moreover, a new dining hall will help Rydell College to justify an increased budget for educational improvement this year. Building a new dining hall will therefore be a great step towards enhancing the ranking of Rydell College.”
At first sight, the authors argument appears to be quite convincing but upon further reflection reveals that it is rife with holes and unjustified assumptions about the current facility that is available at the campus.
To begin with, the date and time the memorandum was published is not mentioned anywhere. If this argument is 20 year old then the conditions might have changed greatly and need for reconsideration of the situation is there. Even if the argument was made in the recent years, the vague assumptions about the current dining hall that it is old and serves only expensive items and dishes needs justification. Author does not talk about exactly how much old the dining hall is in terms of number of years which may be helpful in strengthening the argument. The oldness of the dinning hall cannot be considered as a valid reason for building a new one if the former one is serving it purpose at par. Further, selling food at subsidized rates in the old dining hall may prove to be a better solution over building a new hall for the same purpose. The food with subsidized rates can also be sold in the of hall.
Moreover, before taking any decision a survey upon how much international students rather any kind of students from the Rydell College actually take food regularly in the dining hall or they prefer any other external facility must be carried out which might turn helpful. Also, what parameters are causing the food to be expensive must be sought out and eliminated if possible. Also care must be taken while serving the food at subsidized rates that the nutritional content of the food doesn't get subsidized.
Furthermore, the popularity of a college is much dependent upon the quality of education the institute provides than the dining facilities it has. So, if not needed urgently the huge funds that are supposed to go for dining hall project must be diverted to improve the education and research facilities at the college. e.g. research labs, libraries etc. Moreover, it would be an immoral thing to call the enhancement in dining facility as educational improvement to justify the increased budget for the year. Also as stated earlier, the rank of an educational institute will certainly depend upon the quality of education it offers that the secondary things like dining facility, provided that the evaluation rubric has more weightage for the education.
In conclusion, the author must carry out a through survey and statistical study to know better the current situation and requirements of the college. Investing a huge amount in facility that doesn't really need improvement surely will cause to increase the financial burden on the college.
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Comments
e-rater score report
Attribute Value Ideal
Final score: 4.0 out of 6
Category: Good Excellent
No. of Grammatical Errors: 10 2
No. of Spelling Errors: 9 2
No. of Sentences: 16 15
No. of Words: 452 350
No. of Characters: 2196 1500
No. of Different Words: 226 200
Fourth Root of Number of Words: 4.611 4.7
Average Word Length: 4.858 4.6
Word Length SD: 2.674 2.4
No. of Words greater than 5 chars: 158 100
No. of Words greater than 6 chars: 119 80
No. of Words greater than 7 chars: 83 40
No. of Words greater than 8 chars: 54 20
Use of Passive Voice (%): 0 0
Avg. Sentence Length: 28.25 21.0
Sentence Length SD: 11.316 7.5
Use of Discourse Markers (%): 1 0.12
Sentence-Text Coherence: 0.328 0.35
Sentence-Para Coherence: 0.591 0.50
Sentence-Sentence Coherence: 0.099 0.07
Number of Paragraphs: 5 5
Grammar and spelling errors:
Line 1, column 1, Rule ID: WHITESPACE_RULE
Message: Possible typo: you repeated a whitespace
Suggestion:
At first sight, the authors argument app...
^^
Line 1, column 23, Rule ID: POSSESIVE_APOSTROPHE[1]
Message: Possible typo: apostrophe is missing. Did you mean 'authors'' or 'author's'?
Suggestion: authors'; author's
At first sight, the authors argument appears to be quite convincing...
^^^^^^^
Line 1, column 196, Rule ID: WHITESPACE_RULE
Message: Possible typo: you repeated a whitespace
Suggestion:
...tions about the current facility that is available at the campus. To begin ...
^^
Line 3, column 1, Rule ID: WHITESPACE_RULE
Message: Possible typo: you repeated a whitespace
Suggestion:
...ty that is available at the campus. To begin with, the date and time the mem...
^^^
Line 3, column 683, Rule ID: IT_VBZ[1]
Message: Did you mean 'purposes'?
Suggestion: purposes
...new one if the former one is serving it purpose at par. Further, selling food at subsid...
^^^^^^^
Line 5, column 1, Rule ID: WHITESPACE_RULE
Message: Possible typo: you repeated a whitespace
Suggestion:
...es can also be sold in the of hall. Moreover, before taking any decision a s...
^^^
Line 5, column 382, Rule ID: SENT_START_CONJUNCTIVE_LINKING_ADVERB_COMMA[1]
Message: Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Suggestion: Also,
... sought out and eliminated if possible. Also care must be taken while serving the fo...
^^^^
Line 5, column 490, Rule ID: EN_CONTRACTION_SPELLING
Message: Possible spelling mistake found
Suggestion: doesn't
...hat the nutritional content of the food doesnt get subsidized. Furthermore, the ...
^^^^^^
Line 7, column 1, Rule ID: WHITESPACE_RULE
Message: Possible typo: you repeated a whitespace
Suggestion:
...t of the food doesnt get subsidized. Furthermore, the popularity of a college...
^^^
Line 7, column 514, Rule ID: SENT_START_CONJUNCTIVE_LINKING_ADVERB_COMMA[1]
Message: Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Suggestion: Also,
...ify the increased budget for the year. Also as stated earlier, the rank of an educa...
^^^^
Line 9, column 1, Rule ID: WHITESPACE_RULE
Message: Possible typo: you repeated a whitespace
Suggestion:
...as more weightage for the education. In conclusion, the author must carry out...
^^^
Line 9, column 47, Rule ID: THROUGH_THOROUGH[1]
Message: Did you mean 'thorough' (accurate, exhaustive)?
Suggestion: thorough
...conclusion, the author must carry out a through survey and statistical study to know be...
^^^^^^^
Line 9, column 195, Rule ID: EN_CONTRACTION_SPELLING
Message: Possible spelling mistake found
Suggestion: doesn't
...nvesting a huge amount in facility that doesnt really need improvement surely will cau...
^^^^^^
Line 9, column 244, Rule ID: ALLOW_TO[1]
Message: Did you mean 'increasing'? Or maybe you should add a pronoun? In active voice, 'cause' + 'to' takes an object, usually a pronoun.
Suggestion: increasing
...ally need improvement surely will cause to increase the financial burden on the college.
^^^^^^^^^^^
Transition Words or Phrases used:
actually, also, but, e.g., first, furthermore, if, may, moreover, really, second, so, then, while, in conclusion, kind of, to begin with
Attributes: Values AverageValues Percentages(Values/AverageValues)% => Comments
Performance on Part of Speech:
To be verbs : 24.0 19.6327345309 122% => OK
Auxiliary verbs: 16.0 12.9520958084 124% => OK
Conjunction : 11.0 11.1786427146 98% => OK
Relative clauses : 10.0 13.6137724551 73% => More relative clauses wanted.
Pronoun: 16.0 28.8173652695 56% => OK
Preposition: 56.0 55.5748502994 101% => OK
Nominalization: 18.0 16.3942115768 110% => OK
Performance on vocabulary words:
No of characters: 2242.0 2260.96107784 99% => OK
No of words: 450.0 441.139720559 102% => OK
Chars per words: 4.98222222222 5.12650576532 97% => OK
Fourth root words length: 4.6057793516 4.56307096286 101% => OK
Word Length SD: 2.7238534795 2.78398813304 98% => OK
Unique words: 230.0 204.123752495 113% => OK
Unique words percentage: 0.511111111111 0.468620217663 109% => OK
syllable_count: 715.5 705.55239521 101% => OK
avg_syllables_per_word: 1.6 1.59920159681 100% => OK
A sentence (or a clause, phrase) starts by:
Pronoun: 1.0 4.96107784431 20% => OK
Article: 8.0 8.76447105788 91% => OK
Subordination: 5.0 2.70958083832 185% => OK
Conjunction: 0.0 1.67365269461 0% => OK
Preposition: 4.0 4.22255489022 95% => OK
Performance on sentences:
How many sentences: 18.0 19.7664670659 91% => OK
Sentence length: 25.0 22.8473053892 109% => OK
Sentence length SD: 56.4680888797 57.8364921388 98% => OK
Chars per sentence: 124.555555556 119.503703932 104% => OK
Words per sentence: 25.0 23.324526521 107% => OK
Discourse Markers: 7.55555555556 5.70786347227 132% => OK
Paragraphs: 5.0 5.15768463074 97% => OK
Language errors: 14.0 5.25449101796 266% => Less language errors wanted.
Sentences with positive sentiment : 11.0 8.20758483034 134% => OK
Sentences with negative sentiment : 2.0 6.88822355289 29% => More negative sentences wanted.
Sentences with neutral sentiment: 5.0 4.67664670659 107% => OK
What are sentences with positive/Negative/neutral sentiment?
Coherence and Cohesion:
Essay topic to essay body coherence: 0.231246793898 0.218282227539 106% => OK
Sentence topic coherence: 0.0652884911064 0.0743258471296 88% => OK
Sentence topic coherence SD: 0.0538222333587 0.0701772020484 77% => OK
Paragraph topic coherence: 0.10655230055 0.128457276422 83% => OK
Paragraph topic coherence SD: 0.0562453042085 0.0628817314937 89% => OK
Essay readability:
automated_readability_index: 14.5 14.3799401198 101% => OK
flesch_reading_ease: 46.1 48.3550499002 95% => OK
smog_index: 11.2 7.1628742515 156% => OK
flesch_kincaid_grade: 13.0 12.197005988 107% => OK
coleman_liau_index: 11.9 12.5979740519 94% => OK
dale_chall_readability_score: 8.7 8.32208582834 105% => OK
difficult_words: 109.0 98.500998004 111% => OK
linsear_write_formula: 14.0 12.3882235529 113% => OK
gunning_fog: 12.0 11.1389221557 108% => OK
text_standard: 12.0 11.9071856287 101% => OK
What are above readability scores?
---------------------
Rates: 66.67 out of 100
Scores by essay e-grader: 4.0 Out of 6
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Note: the e-grader does NOT examine the meaning of words and ideas. VIP users will receive further evaluations by advanced module of e-grader and human graders.