Altruism
The lecturer and the author disscuss about the type of behaviour called Altruism. The lecture holds a different view point than the author that he mentions in the passage. The professor contrasts the both points that are depicted in the passage.
Firstly,the passage states that the many animals assist their group without any selfishness. The passage describes this by giving example of meerkats. An individual meerkat provides security to their group by standing as a guard when rest of the members of group involve in eating or hunting of food. When it sees any hunter, it raises a alarm to the members to escape and put itself in grave danger or sometimes go Without food. Whereas, professor shows a different side of this view. She claims that, guards meerkats are full of stomach before guarding to groups. Moreover, when it finds any predator, it has more chances to run than the group And put the attention of hunter towards the group members and they are in more danger instead of guard meerkat.
Futhermore, professor also refutes the point of fiinding altruism in humans. She contrasts this point that human donates their organs to family member or even stranger and do not desire for money. She says that humans get non material things from Society and from family member in place of money such as appriciation.
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Sentence: The lecturer and the author disscuss about the type of behaviour called Altruism.
Error: disscuss Suggestion: discuss
Sentence: Futhermore, professor also refutes the point of fiinding altruism in humans.
Error: fiinding Suggestion: finding
Sentence: She says that humans get non material things from Society and from family member in place of money such as appriciation.
Error: appriciation Suggestion: appreciation
flaws:
Not in the correct format.
The correct pattern:
para 1: introduction
para 2: doubt 1
para 3: doubt 2
para 4: doubt 3
Don't need to reiterate the contents of reading passages a lot but put more content from the lecture.
Don't need a conclusion paragraph.
Read sample essays from ETS:
http://www.testbig.com/users/toeflwritingmaster
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Attribute Value Ideal
Score: 18 in 30
Category: Satisfactory Excellent
No. of Grammatical Errors: 0 2
No. of Spelling Errors: 3 2
No. of Sentences: 13 12
No. of Words: 226 250
No. of Characters: 1077 1200
No. of Different Words: 128 150
Fourth Root of Number of Words: 3.877 4.2
Average Word Length: 4.765 4.6
Word Length SD: 2.297 2.4
No. of Words greater than 5 chars: 85 80
No. of Words greater than 6 chars: 57 60
No. of Words greater than 7 chars: 32 40
No. of Words greater than 8 chars: 15 20
Use of Passive Voice (%): 0 0
Avg. Sentence Length: 17.385 21.0
Sentence Length SD: 7.591 7.5
Use of Discourse Markers (%): 0.385 0.12
Sentence-Text Coherence: 0.324 0.35
Sentence-Para Coherence: 0.508 0.50
Sentence-Sentence Coherence: 0.138 0.07
Number of Paragraphs: 3 4