Simply based on the evidence and explanation stated in the memorandum, the author reached the conclusion that in order to reverse the decline in their profits, all stores of the video-rental chain should decrease their opening hours and remove all movies released more than 5 years ago to reduce their operating expenses. Although it appears to be reasonable at the first glance, the following questions ought to be carefully answered and addressed in order to enhance the logical credibility of the argument.
Primarily, the author quoted a seemingly successful case of the store in downtown Marston to prove the effectiveness of the two approaches to be implemented. Even though it appears that the two approaches worked in the store, the question whether the approaches would work in other nine stores whose conditions are quite different from the store in Marston is still required to be answered. The different conditions of other nine stores may lead to different results if they just simply copy the approaches adopted by the Marston store. For example, if one store in the nine is located in a living area of the city, then the early closing of the store will not only reduce the operating expense obviously, owing to the relative cheap rental fee in the living area, but also make the store lose hundreds of guests, since people usually arrive home and start shopping between 6:00 and 9:00. In this way, the profits of that store may dimmish greatly owing to the newly adopted measurements. Hence, the further addressing on the question will enhance the logical credibility of the argument.
Moreover, the case that the argument is based on only investigates the outputs of the measures in the last month. Hence, the question that needs to be carefully addressed is whether the approaches will lead to the same effects in the long term. Admittedly, the results of the measures could be good in first month, the consequence may change greatly in the long term. For example, even though the decrease in the operating cost of the stores may // lead to an increase in profits in that month, some customers, like fans on old and out-of-selling movies may not be able to rent videos they want, and then choose to not come back next time. Hence, in the long term, the profits of the store may decrease, even with a decrease in operating expense.
Finally, one unstated assumption which, however, plays an essential role in the development of the argument is that a creasing operating expense only leads to an increase in the profits of the stores, and causes no other side effects at the same time. Hence, one question that ought to be answered is whether the measures of the stores cause no other side effects. In fact, the common senses inform me that the shorter opening time and the removement of the old movies actually do contribute to many other effects, instead of a decrease in operating expense alone. Take the store in Marston as an example. Based on the common sense, people will not hang out, go shopping and watch videos unless they have called it a day. And the time between 6:00 and 9:00 is actually the time when people just finish their work and have fun. In this way, the early closing of the store may make the store lose many customers, which decreases its profits at a result. Therefore, unless the question is well explicated, the development of the argument appears to be logically fragile.
In conclusion, the argument is not convincing as it stands. If the argument had included the discussion on the issues stated above, it would have been more thoughtful and logically acceptable.
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e-rater score report
also need to argue:
Since we are famous for our special bargains, raising our rental prices is not a viable way to improve profits.....
====================
Attribute Value Ideal
Final score: 4.0 out of 6
Category: Good Excellent
No. of Grammatical Errors: 5 2
No. of Spelling Errors: 7 2
No. of Sentences: 23 15
No. of Words: 621 350
No. of Characters: 2922 1500
No. of Different Words: 247 200
Fourth Root of Number of Words: 4.992 4.7
Average Word Length: 4.705 4.6
Word Length SD: 2.524 2.4
No. of Words greater than 5 chars: 204 100
No. of Words greater than 6 chars: 156 80
No. of Words greater than 7 chars: 100 40
No. of Words greater than 8 chars: 59 20
Use of Passive Voice (%): 0 0
Avg. Sentence Length: 27 21.0
Sentence Length SD: 13.919 7.5
Use of Discourse Markers (%): 0.826 0.12
Sentence-Text Coherence: 0.334 0.35
Sentence-Para Coherence: 0.517 0.50
Sentence-Sentence Coherence: 0.112 0.07
Number of Paragraphs: 5 5
Grammar and spelling errors:
Line 3, column 227, Rule ID: WHETHER[5]
Message: Can you shorten this phrase to just 'whether', or rephrase the sentence to avoid "the question"?
Suggestion: whether
...the two approaches worked in the store, the question whether the approaches would work in other nine...
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Transition Words or Phrases used:
actually, also, but, finally, first, hence, however, if, may, moreover, so, still, then, therefore, well, for example, in conclusion, in fact
Attributes: Values AverageValues Percentages(Values/AverageValues)% => Comments
Performance on Part of Speech:
To be verbs : 20.0 19.6327345309 102% => OK
Auxiliary verbs: 17.0 12.9520958084 131% => OK
Conjunction : 15.0 11.1786427146 134% => OK
Relative clauses : 13.0 13.6137724551 95% => OK
Pronoun: 25.0 28.8173652695 87% => OK
Preposition: 89.0 55.5748502994 160% => OK
Nominalization: 21.0 16.3942115768 128% => OK
Performance on vocabulary words:
No of characters: 3007.0 2260.96107784 133% => OK
No of words: 617.0 441.139720559 140% => Less content wanted.
Chars per words: 4.87358184765 5.12650576532 95% => OK
Fourth root words length: 4.98392262146 4.56307096286 109% => OK
Word Length SD: 2.58527493405 2.78398813304 93% => OK
Unique words: 258.0 204.123752495 126% => OK
Unique words percentage: 0.418152350081 0.468620217663 89% => More unique words wanted or less content wanted.
syllable_count: 945.0 705.55239521 134% => OK
avg_syllables_per_word: 1.5 1.59920159681 94% => OK
A sentence (or a clause, phrase) starts by:
Pronoun: 1.0 4.96107784431 20% => OK
Article: 16.0 8.76447105788 183% => OK
Subordination: 7.0 2.70958083832 258% => Less adverbial clause wanted.
Conjunction: 4.0 1.67365269461 239% => Less conjunction wanted as sentence beginning.
Preposition: 9.0 4.22255489022 213% => Less preposition wanted as sentence beginnings.
Performance on sentences:
How many sentences: 23.0 19.7664670659 116% => OK
Sentence length: 26.0 22.8473053892 114% => OK
Sentence length SD: 78.3951263868 57.8364921388 136% => OK
Chars per sentence: 130.739130435 119.503703932 109% => OK
Words per sentence: 26.8260869565 23.324526521 115% => OK
Discourse Markers: 6.13043478261 5.70786347227 107% => OK
Paragraphs: 5.0 5.15768463074 97% => OK
Language errors: 1.0 5.25449101796 19% => OK
Sentences with positive sentiment : 11.0 8.20758483034 134% => OK
Sentences with negative sentiment : 8.0 6.88822355289 116% => OK
Sentences with neutral sentiment: 4.0 4.67664670659 86% => OK
What are sentences with positive/Negative/neutral sentiment?
Coherence and Cohesion:
Essay topic to essay body coherence: 0.152442616652 0.218282227539 70% => OK
Sentence topic coherence: 0.0429710646433 0.0743258471296 58% => OK
Sentence topic coherence SD: 0.0425514751013 0.0701772020484 61% => OK
Paragraph topic coherence: 0.0823904317365 0.128457276422 64% => OK
Paragraph topic coherence SD: 0.043320044213 0.0628817314937 69% => OK
Essay readability:
automated_readability_index: 14.9 14.3799401198 104% => OK
flesch_reading_ease: 53.55 48.3550499002 111% => OK
smog_index: 8.8 7.1628742515 123% => OK
flesch_kincaid_grade: 12.3 12.197005988 101% => OK
coleman_liau_index: 11.26 12.5979740519 89% => OK
dale_chall_readability_score: 7.89 8.32208582834 95% => OK
difficult_words: 116.0 98.500998004 118% => OK
linsear_write_formula: 20.0 12.3882235529 161% => OK
gunning_fog: 12.4 11.1389221557 111% => OK
text_standard: 12.0 11.9071856287 101% => OK
What are above readability scores?
---------------------
Write the essay in 30 minutes.
Rates: 66.67 out of 100
Scores by essay e-grader: 4.0 Out of 6
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Note: the e-grader does NOT examine the meaning of words and ideas. VIP users will receive further evaluations by advanced module of e-grader and human graders.