Do you agree or disagree with the following statement?
It is more important to keep your old friends than it is to make new friends
There are some people who believe that making new friends is more important than keeping your old friends. On the other hand, there are some other people who take the opposite view and state that It's better to keep your old friends than to make new friends. But I personally agree with this statement that making new friends and become familier with new individuals is more beneficial than holding your old friends. In other words, from my point of view, making new friends has more advantages than just keeping your old friends because of three main reasons. In what follows, I will discuss my reasons.
First of all, one should take into account this significant fact that if we make new friends we can learn more experiences and more skills. every person has particular skills and experiences which is unique to his or her, so when we become friends with new individuals, we can learn new things and take advantage of their specific experiences and skills. For instance, I remember when I went to university, the methods of study had changed slightly in relation to highschool. Besides, since I went to university far from my hometown I had to live in dormitory where at first I encountered many difficulties which I should deal with. I tried to make friends who able to instruct me so that I can handles my problems in that circumstances. Thus, I met with new fellows who had been in the same situation more than me, so they had more experiences. They taught me how to study in order to get good marks in university.furthermore, they guided me to cope with problems which I face with in dormitory.
Another equally noteworthy point supporting my opinion is that by making new friends, we can expand the circle of our friends and have more exhilaration and more pleasure. If a person has so many friends, he or she will have lots of fun. As a matter of fact, most of people prefer to allocate part of their time for being with their friends inorder to have hobbies and all other activities that they enjoy. Thus, by having more friends we can have more fun. According to statistics released by psychologists association, people who have more than five close friend are more cheery and light-hearted.
The last but not the least point is that we can learn how to make new friends and how to deal with different attitudes and ideas. Each person has his or her own unique opinion, so if we want to become friend with someone, we should be receptive to new ideas. The question that comes to mind at this moment is that what happens if we are not able to make new friends or adjust to new ideas? To answer this question just suppose you have to go to a new place where you don’t have any friends there. Therefore, if you can not take new friends you will gradually become solitary and depressed. Consequently you require to have the ability to find new friends.
To wrap it up, all aformentioned reasons and examples lead us to the conclusion that, although keeping your old friends may have some positive aspects, it's more advantageous to take new friends because of learning more experiences, having more fun and learning to find new friends.
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make friends who able to instruct me
make friends who are able to instruct me
Sentence: I tried to make friends who able to instruct me so that I can handles my problems in that circumstances.
Description: A modal auxillary is not usually followed by a verb, present tense, 3rd person singular
Suggestion: Refer to can and handles
Sentence: But I personally agree with this statement that making new friends and become familier with new individuals is more beneficial than holding your old friends.
Error: familier Suggestion: No alternate word
Sentence: For instance, I remember when I went to university, the methods of study had changed slightly in relation to highschool.
Error: highschool Suggestion: high school
Sentence: As a matter of fact, most of people prefer to allocate part of their time for being with their friends inorder to have hobbies and all other activities that they enjoy.
Error: inorder Suggestion: No alternate word
Sentence: According to statistics released by psychologists association, people who have more than five close friend are more cheery and light-hearted.
Error: light-hearted Suggestion: lighthearted
Sentence: To wrap it up, all aformentioned reasons and examples lead us to the conclusion that, although keeping your old friends may have some positive aspects, it's more advantageous to take new friends because of learning more experiences, having more fun and learning to find new friends.
Error: aformentioned Suggestion: No alternate word
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flaws:
No. of Words: 558 while No. of Different Words: 234 //it means there are a lot of duplicated words
More sentences varieties wanted. Try to use less pronouns or not to use pronouns (like 'It, I, They, We, You...') as the subject of a sentence.
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Attribute Value Ideal
Score: 22 in 30
Category: Good Excellent
No. of Grammatical Errors: 2 2
No. of Spelling Errors: 5 2
No. of Sentences: 23 15
No. of Words: 558 350
No. of Characters: 2534 1500
No. of Different Words: 234 200
Fourth Root of Number of Words: 4.86 4.7
Average Word Length: 4.541 4.6
Word Length SD: 2.571 2.4
No. of Words greater than 5 chars: 159 100
No. of Words greater than 6 chars: 120 80
No. of Words greater than 7 chars: 66 40
No. of Words greater than 8 chars: 44 20
Use of Passive Voice (%): 0 0
Avg. Sentence Length: 24.261 21.0
Sentence Length SD: 11.156 7.5
Use of Discourse Markers (%): 0.696 0.12
Sentence-Text Coherence: 0.381 0.35
Sentence-Para Coherence: 0.572 0.50
Sentence-Sentence Coherence: 0.274 0.07
Number of Paragraphs: 5 5