The following appeared as a recommendation by a committee planning a ten-year budget for the city of Calatrava.
"The birthrate in our city is declining: in fact, last year's birthrate was only one-half that of five years ago. Thus the number of students enrolled in our public schools will soon decrease dramatically, and we can safely reduce the funds budgeted for education during the next decade. At the same time, we can reduce funding for athletic playing fields and other recreational facilities. As a result, we will have sufficient money to fund city facilities and programs used primarily by adults, since we can expect the adult population of the city to increase."
Write a response in which you discuss what specific evidence is needed to evaluate the argument and explain how the evidence would weaken or strengthen the argument.
According to the committee planning a budget for a decade concludes that they should decrease funds provided to education, athletic playing fields, and other recreational facilities. They come to this solution on the basis of different facts and figures. The conclusion is based on assumptions which are unpersuasive and illogical. A few key factors to validate the point are:
First, the committee states the figure about the birthrate by comparing the last year figure to the figure of five years ago. According to this figure there has been a decrease in birthrate so, the committee predicts there will be less number of admissions in the public school in future. There is no mention of the survey from which this fact was taken. There is a possibility that the survey was not perform by a government body and the method might also be different, furthermore there is a possibility that only a small part of city was surveyed. Unless, a proper survey, and data is mention which has followed a legit method it would be illogical to decrease funds from education sector.
In addition, the committee has mention about the reduce birthrate. There are many reasons for reduction in birthrate. Firstly, due to economy the parents wants to delay the childbirth and avoid the cost of new born, secondly it could happen that the parents wants to settle first before having a child, thirdly the data talks about the last year birthrate and not about the current year.
Thirdly, the committee also talks about reducing the cost provided to athletic playing fields and recreational facilities. If that is done then the fields would be barren and it could also be a place where garbage would start accumulating, Slowly turning the open space into garbage landfill. If the atheletic fields are removed then the young children would be forced to sit at home and play virtual games. Not playing outsides and not having different recreational facilities, the young adult would become bore and would be forced to sit at home, and this causes different health problems like, obesity, increase in blood pressure and stress, and much more. By not providing funds to aforementioned things would be dangerous for society.
Furthermore, the committee states that they should provide more funds towards program which facilitates the adults, as they would be the majority. This might look beneficial for the immediate years but in long run it would be disadvantageous. It could happen that when these young adult have children at that time, looking at the education facilities and the sports and recretional facilities, they would not be happy. They would soon relocate to cities which have better education and activities which would help their child grow in much better place. So, the amount which the committee is planning to spend would be lost.
In conclusion, the ten-year budget planning committee should look at a longer picture rather then the immediate benefits. They should consider all the aforementioned points and suggestion before coming to the final decision. First they should check the data which is presented in front of them, and do a proper cost analyses before making any changes.
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Comments
e-rater score report
Attribute Value Ideal
Final score: 3.5 out of 6
Category: Satisfactory Excellent
No. of Grammatical Errors: 0 2
No. of Spelling Errors: 8 2
No. of Sentences: 24 15
No. of Words: 525 350
No. of Characters: 2599 1500
No. of Different Words: 241 200
Fourth Root of Number of Words: 4.787 4.7
Average Word Length: 4.95 4.6
Word Length SD: 2.565 2.4
No. of Words greater than 5 chars: 184 100
No. of Words greater than 6 chars: 124 80
No. of Words greater than 7 chars: 94 40
No. of Words greater than 8 chars: 62 20
Use of Passive Voice (%): 0 0
Avg. Sentence Length: 21.875 21.0
Sentence Length SD: 9.897 7.5
Use of Discourse Markers (%): 0.542 0.12
Sentence-Text Coherence: 0.289 0.35
Sentence-Para Coherence: 0.289 0.50
Sentence-Sentence Coherence: 0.108 0.07
Number of Paragraphs: 1 5
Grammar and spelling errors:
Line 2, column 279, Rule ID: IN_PAST[1]
Message: Did you mean: 'in the future'?
Suggestion: in the future
...mber of admissions in the public school in future. There is no mention of the survey from...
^^^^^^^^^
Line 2, column 403, Rule ID: BEEN_PART_AGREEMENT[2]
Message: Consider using a past participle here: 'performed'.
Suggestion: performed
...s a possibility that the survey was not perform by a government body and the method mig...
^^^^^^^
Line 3, column 46, Rule ID: A_INFINITVE[1]
Message: Probably a wrong construction: a/the + infinitive
...dition, the committee has mention about the reduce birthrate. There are many reasons for r...
^^^^^^^^^^
Line 6, column 94, Rule ID: RATHER_THEN[1]
Message: Did you mean 'than'? 'than' is used for comparisons, 'then' is an expression of time.
Suggestion: than
... should look at a longer picture rather then the immediate benefits. They should con...
^^^^
Transition Words or Phrases used:
also, but, first, firstly, furthermore, if, look, second, secondly, so, then, third, thirdly, in addition, in conclusion
Attributes: Values AverageValues Percentages(Values/AverageValues)% => Comments
Performance on Part of Speech:
To be verbs : 28.0 19.6327345309 143% => OK
Auxiliary verbs: 24.0 12.9520958084 185% => OK
Conjunction : 21.0 11.1786427146 188% => OK
Relative clauses : 18.0 13.6137724551 132% => OK
Pronoun: 29.0 28.8173652695 101% => OK
Preposition: 55.0 55.5748502994 99% => OK
Nominalization: 12.0 16.3942115768 73% => OK
Performance on vocabulary words:
No of characters: 2661.0 2260.96107784 118% => OK
No of words: 525.0 441.139720559 119% => OK
Chars per words: 5.06857142857 5.12650576532 99% => OK
Fourth root words length: 4.78673985869 4.56307096286 105% => OK
Word Length SD: 2.64715583478 2.78398813304 95% => OK
Unique words: 246.0 204.123752495 121% => OK
Unique words percentage: 0.468571428571 0.468620217663 100% => OK
syllable_count: 808.2 705.55239521 115% => OK
avg_syllables_per_word: 1.5 1.59920159681 94% => OK
A sentence (or a clause, phrase) starts by:
Pronoun: 6.0 4.96107784431 121% => OK
Article: 11.0 8.76447105788 126% => OK
Subordination: 3.0 2.70958083832 111% => OK
Conjunction: 5.0 1.67365269461 299% => Less conjunction wanted as sentence beginning.
Preposition: 5.0 4.22255489022 118% => OK
Performance on sentences:
How many sentences: 24.0 19.7664670659 121% => OK
Sentence length: 21.0 22.8473053892 92% => OK
Sentence length SD: 56.7277703647 57.8364921388 98% => OK
Chars per sentence: 110.875 119.503703932 93% => OK
Words per sentence: 21.875 23.324526521 94% => OK
Discourse Markers: 5.0 5.70786347227 88% => OK
Paragraphs: 6.0 5.15768463074 116% => OK
Language errors: 4.0 5.25449101796 76% => OK
Sentences with positive sentiment : 7.0 8.20758483034 85% => OK
Sentences with negative sentiment : 8.0 6.88822355289 116% => OK
Sentences with neutral sentiment: 9.0 4.67664670659 192% => OK
What are sentences with positive/Negative/neutral sentiment?
Coherence and Cohesion:
Essay topic to essay body coherence: 0.175011763052 0.218282227539 80% => OK
Sentence topic coherence: 0.0510689759343 0.0743258471296 69% => OK
Sentence topic coherence SD: 0.0577762098463 0.0701772020484 82% => OK
Paragraph topic coherence: 0.0978207912443 0.128457276422 76% => OK
Paragraph topic coherence SD: 0.0658843606538 0.0628817314937 105% => OK
Essay readability:
automated_readability_index: 13.4 14.3799401198 93% => Automated_readability_index is low.
flesch_reading_ease: 58.62 48.3550499002 121% => OK
smog_index: 8.8 7.1628742515 123% => OK
flesch_kincaid_grade: 10.3 12.197005988 84% => OK
coleman_liau_index: 12.13 12.5979740519 96% => OK
dale_chall_readability_score: 7.99 8.32208582834 96% => OK
difficult_words: 110.0 98.500998004 112% => OK
linsear_write_formula: 11.0 12.3882235529 89% => OK
gunning_fog: 10.4 11.1389221557 93% => OK
text_standard: 11.0 11.9071856287 92% => OK
What are above readability scores?
---------------------
Rates: 58.33 out of 100
Scores by essay e-grader: 3.5 Out of 6
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Note: the e-grader does NOT examine the meaning of words and ideas. VIP users will receive further evaluations by advanced module of e-grader and human graders.