The following appeared as a recommendation by a committee planning a ten-year budget for the city of Calatrava.
"The birthrate in our city is declining: in fact, last year's birthrate was only one-half that of five years ago. Thus the number of students enrolled in our public schools will soon decrease dramatically, and we can safely reduce the funds budgeted for education during the next decade. At the same time, we can reduce funding for athletic playing fields and other recreational facilities. As a result, we will have sufficient money to fund city facilities and programs used primarily by adults, since we can expect the adult population of the city to increase."
Write a response in which you discuss what specific evidence is needed to evaluate the argument and explain how the evidence would weaken or strengthen the argument.
The committee recommends that the city should cut the budget for educational facilities and as well as reduce the funding for athletic fields and other recreational activities based on the birthrate last year compared to the birthrate five years ago, which suggests a decline in the population of children in this particular city. It thus concludes that the city will have adequate money to fund city facilities and programs which are mostly used by adults. However, this recommendation appears to be premature and in order to make an informed decision about this issue, certain evidences are needed.
First of all, evidence regarding the birth rate in the past 5 years. It may be the case that the birthrate being lower last year was just an anomaly. Perhaps, there was an outbreak of a disease which deterred many mothers from having their babies. It might also be possible that the birthrate 5 years ago had been exceptionally high because a new hospital was opened in the city which attracted many mothers from the vicinity of this city to come here and deliver their newborns. It might be the case that, since then, similar hospitals have opened in all of the nearby cities, thus stopping the incoming of child bearers. If this is the case, then the argument put forward by the committee is put under serious doubt.
Second of all, evidence regarding the current state of athletic playing fields and recreational activities in the city. It might be the case that the athletic playing fields and recreational activities are used by many adults. Perhaps, the adult in the city like to engage in sporting activities. Perhaps, there are many sporting clubs in the city which use these fields in order to promote a healthy lifestyle. It might also be the case that the state of the current athletic fields and recreational activities are usable at best and abysmal at worst. Perhaps, they are in very poor condition and need repairing and maintaining. If this is the case, then the argument put forth by the committee does not hold water.
Lastly, evidence regarding the migration pattern of the adults in this city. It is possible that many adults of this city actually prefer to move out of the city. Perhaps, the city does not provide enough job opportunities to the adults. Perhaps, the adults find that the city provides an unappealing lifestyle to the adults who choose to go to bigger cities. It might also be the case that there are very few colleges in the city and the adults choose to go to bigger cities to study and stay there after graduation. If this is the case, then the argument falls short of its claims.
In conclusion, to better evaluate if the recommendation put forth by the committee is acceptable or not, the birth rate in the past 5 years, the state of the current state of athletic field and recreational activities and the migration pattern of the adults in this city are required. Without these key evidences, the recommendation proves to have some loopholes in it which render it weak and unwise.
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Comments
e-rater score report
Attribute Value Ideal
Final score: 4.5 out of 6
Category: Good Excellent
No. of Grammatical Errors: 3 2
No. of Spelling Errors: 5 2
No. of Sentences: 24 15
No. of Words: 522 350
No. of Characters: 2455 1500
No. of Different Words: 209 200
Fourth Root of Number of Words: 4.78 4.7
Average Word Length: 4.703 4.6
Word Length SD: 2.548 2.4
No. of Words greater than 5 chars: 160 100
No. of Words greater than 6 chars: 118 80
No. of Words greater than 7 chars: 85 40
No. of Words greater than 8 chars: 51 20
Use of Passive Voice (%): 0 0
Avg. Sentence Length: 21.75 21.0
Sentence Length SD: 10.982 7.5
Use of Discourse Markers (%): 0.667 0.12
Sentence-Text Coherence: 0.341 0.35
Sentence-Para Coherence: 0.522 0.50
Sentence-Sentence Coherence: 0.114 0.07
Number of Paragraphs: 5 5
Grammar and spelling errors:
Line 3, column 553, Rule ID: ALL_OF_THE[1]
Message: Simply use 'all the'.
Suggestion: all the
... then, similar hospitals have opened in all of the nearby cities, thus stopping the incomi...
^^^^^^^^^^
Line 7, column 495, Rule ID: EN_COMPOUNDS
Message: This word is normally spelled as one.
Suggestion: thereafter
...o go to bigger cities to study and stay there after graduation. If this is the case, then t...
^^^^^^^^^^^
Transition Words or Phrases used:
actually, also, first, however, if, lastly, may, regarding, second, so, then, thus, well, in conclusion, as well as, first of all
Attributes: Values AverageValues Percentages(Values/AverageValues)% => Comments
Performance on Part of Speech:
To be verbs : 26.0 19.6327345309 132% => OK
Auxiliary verbs: 9.0 12.9520958084 69% => OK
Conjunction : 17.0 11.1786427146 152% => OK
Relative clauses : 17.0 13.6137724551 125% => OK
Pronoun: 36.0 28.8173652695 125% => Less pronouns wanted
Preposition: 72.0 55.5748502994 130% => OK
Nominalization: 14.0 16.3942115768 85% => OK
Performance on vocabulary words:
No of characters: 2519.0 2260.96107784 111% => OK
No of words: 522.0 441.139720559 118% => OK
Chars per words: 4.82567049808 5.12650576532 94% => OK
Fourth root words length: 4.77988695657 4.56307096286 105% => OK
Word Length SD: 2.60791583953 2.78398813304 94% => OK
Unique words: 220.0 204.123752495 108% => OK
Unique words percentage: 0.421455938697 0.468620217663 90% => More unique words wanted or less content wanted.
syllable_count: 798.3 705.55239521 113% => OK
avg_syllables_per_word: 1.5 1.59920159681 94% => OK
A sentence (or a clause, phrase) starts by:
Pronoun: 10.0 4.96107784431 202% => Less pronouns wanted as sentence beginning.
Article: 7.0 8.76447105788 80% => OK
Subordination: 4.0 2.70958083832 148% => OK
Conjunction: 0.0 1.67365269461 0% => OK
Preposition: 4.0 4.22255489022 95% => OK
Performance on sentences:
How many sentences: 24.0 19.7664670659 121% => OK
Sentence length: 21.0 22.8473053892 92% => OK
Sentence length SD: 66.2076777815 57.8364921388 114% => OK
Chars per sentence: 104.958333333 119.503703932 88% => OK
Words per sentence: 21.75 23.324526521 93% => OK
Discourse Markers: 5.375 5.70786347227 94% => OK
Paragraphs: 5.0 5.15768463074 97% => OK
Language errors: 2.0 5.25449101796 38% => OK
Sentences with positive sentiment : 11.0 8.20758483034 134% => OK
Sentences with negative sentiment : 7.0 6.88822355289 102% => OK
Sentences with neutral sentiment: 6.0 4.67664670659 128% => OK
What are sentences with positive/Negative/neutral sentiment?
Coherence and Cohesion:
Essay topic to essay body coherence: 0.211446581463 0.218282227539 97% => OK
Sentence topic coherence: 0.0583970886107 0.0743258471296 79% => OK
Sentence topic coherence SD: 0.0812380073043 0.0701772020484 116% => OK
Paragraph topic coherence: 0.13194131161 0.128457276422 103% => OK
Paragraph topic coherence SD: 0.100906626689 0.0628817314937 160% => OK
Essay readability:
automated_readability_index: 12.2 14.3799401198 85% => Automated_readability_index is low.
flesch_reading_ease: 58.62 48.3550499002 121% => OK
smog_index: 8.8 7.1628742515 123% => OK
flesch_kincaid_grade: 10.3 12.197005988 84% => OK
coleman_liau_index: 10.73 12.5979740519 85% => OK
dale_chall_readability_score: 7.49 8.32208582834 90% => OK
difficult_words: 93.0 98.500998004 94% => OK
linsear_write_formula: 15.0 12.3882235529 121% => OK
gunning_fog: 10.4 11.1389221557 93% => OK
text_standard: 11.0 11.9071856287 92% => OK
What are above readability scores?
---------------------
Rates: 58.33 out of 100
Scores by essay e-grader: 3.5 Out of 6
---------------------
Note: the e-grader does NOT examine the meaning of words and ideas. VIP users will receive further evaluations by advanced module of e-grader and human graders.