TPO-30 - Independent Writing Task Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? It is more enjoyable to have a job where you work only three days a week for long hours than to have a job where you work five days a week for shorter hours. Use spec

Submitted by vhb on Sun, 09/18/2016 - 14:34

In spite of the advantages of working five days a week for shorter hours, certainly, it is more joyful to work three days a week for long hours. Someone can consciously weigh the pros and cons of each side. The explanations go as follows.

First of all, it is possible to have a fun time. When someone works only three days, it means that he can save four days for a relatively long vacation and as a result stay away from air pollution and traffic troubles. These three days would be a terrific opportunity for people to organize and create timetable to go to the beach and satisfy from excellent and amusement activities like swimming, scuba diving, or walking on sand stones. Beside, a man or women possibly can grasp this fortune to enjoy from either spending time with sibling or reading a fantastic and useful book about digital camera, satellite, television, or even cell phone.

Furthermore, making a big money is another noticeable support. Having four days free provides folk a great chance to find another part time job or start a new private business and therefore make countless profit to gratify with their life. In additional, these free days can be used to orient and improve individual’s skill or efficiency by learning new information and knowledge about trade and commerce rules and perhaps reach to an extreme rate of interest. It is vividly clear that huge amounts of money can motivate and assist children and adults to either purchase whatever or visit wherever they like or want.

Admittedly, there are some justifications by some persons who argue that work five days for shorter time is more ideal. Mainly, people would experience a low level of pressure and anxiety, and as a consequence this may prevent from any future illness or disease. However, still I affirm that working three days for long hours is more pleased. For instance, there are large amount of methods and facilities including meditation or sport exercise that aimed to address this issue and either keep away or completely remove people's stress.

Due to the aforementioned grounds, I think all people should bear in mind that working three days a week for long period of time is better. Participating tremendous money and enjoyable time are two prime and conspicuous factors that individuals benefit from this choice.

Votes
Average: 7.6 (1 vote)
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Independent TOEFL Writing
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Grammar and spelling errors:
Line 5, column 21, Rule ID: A_UNCOUNTABLE[3]
Message: Uncountable nouns are usually not used with an indefinite article. Use simply 'big money'.
Suggestion: big money
...ven cell phone. Furthermore, making a big money is another noticeable support. Having f...
^^^^^^^^^^^
Line 5, column 131, Rule ID: EN_COMPOUNDS
Message: This word is normally spelled with hyphen.
Suggestion: part-time
...des folk a great chance to find another part time job or start a new private business and...
^^^^^^^^^
Line 7, column 374, Rule ID: THERE_RE_MANY[3]
Message: Possible agreement error. Did you mean 'amounts'?
Suggestion: amounts
... pleased. For instance, there are large amount of methods and facilities including med...
^^^^^^
Line 9, column 115, Rule ID: PERIOD_OF_TIME[1]
Message: Use simply 'period'.
Suggestion: period
...that working three days a week for long period of time is better. Participating tremendous mon...
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^

Discourse Markers used:
['first', 'furthermore', 'however', 'if', 'may', 'so', 'still', 'therefore', 'for instance', 'i think', 'in addition', 'as a result', 'first of all', 'in spite of']

Attributes: Values AverageValues Percentages(Values/AverageValues)% => Comments

Performance in Part of Speech:
Nouns: 0.255813953488 0.229887763892 111% => OK
Verbs: 0.151162790698 0.158761421928 95% => OK
Adjectives: 0.0906976744186 0.0866891130778 105% => OK
Adverbs: 0.0488372093023 0.046263068375 106% => OK
Pronouns: 0.0209302325581 0.0685040099705 31% => OK
Prepositions: 0.0976744186047 0.118717715034 82% => OK
Participles: 0.0279069767442 0.0351676179071 79% => OK
Conjunctions: 2.67573212209 2.67179642975 100% => OK
Infinitives: 0.0302325581395 0.0309702414327 98% => OK
Particles: 0.0 0.00188951952338 0% => OK
Determiners: 0.0837209302326 0.0887237588012 94% => OK
Modal_auxiliary: 0.0209302325581 0.0209618222197 100% => OK
WH_determiners: 0.0116279069767 0.0139019557991 84% => OK

Vocabulary words and sentences:
No of characters: 2330.0 2387.08602151 98% => OK
No of words: 391.0 408.028673835 96% => OK
Chars per words: 5.95907928389 5.86048508987 102% => OK
Fourth root words length: 4.44676510885 4.48200974243 99% => OK
words length more than 5 chars: 0.335038363171 0.338922669872 99% => OK
words length more than 6 chars: 0.265984654731 0.251872472559 106% => OK
words length more than 7 chars: 0.166240409207 0.174417080927 95% => OK
words length more than 8 chars: 0.104859335038 0.112833075102 93% => OK
Word Length SD: 2.67573212209 2.67179642975 100% => OK
Unique words: 235.0 212.727598566 110% => OK
Unique words percentage: 0.601023017903 0.524397521467 115% => OK
Word variations: 72.9179661572 59.2087087015 123% => OK
How many sentences: 17.0 20.6684587814 82% => OK
Sentence length: 23.0 20.5533526081 112% => OK
Sentence length SD: 59.1205442661 48.84282405 121% => OK
Chars per sentence: 137.058823529 120.699889404 114% => OK
Words per sentence: 23.0 20.5533526081 112% => OK
Discourse Markers: 0.823529411765 0.644075263715 128% => OK
Paragraphs: 5.0 4.5376344086 110% => OK
Language errors: 4.0 5.54480286738 72% => OK
Readability: 49.5984654731 45.7405998639 108% => OK
Elegance: 1.72631578947 1.45489161554 119% => OK

Coherence and Cohesion:
Essay topic to essay body coherence: 0.265007761669 0.300154397459 88% => OK
Sentence sentence coherence: 0.0600394557882 0.103427244359 58% => OK
Sentence sentence coherence SD: 0.047717708191 0.0752933317313 63% => OK
Sentence paragraph coherence: 0.511585662512 0.497263757937 103% => OK
Sentence paragraph coherence SD: 0.151340708432 0.151897553556 100% => OK
Sentence topic coherence: 0.105857964939 0.114077575197 93% => OK
Sentence topic coherence SD: 0.0937471374482 0.0781384742642 120% => OK
Paragraph paragraph coherence: 0.30131261688 0.336927656856 89% => OK
Paragraph paragraph coherence SD: 0.0644415999951 0.067059652881 96% => OK
Paragraph topic coherence: 0.182527654562 0.210909579961 87% => OK
Paragraph topic coherence SD: 0.0668704691496 0.0618886996521 108% => OK

Task Achievement:
Sentences with positive sentiment : 13.0 11.8870967742 109% => OK
Sentences with negative sentiment : 2.0 3.86379928315 52% => OK
Sentences with neutral sentiment: 2.0 4.91756272401 41% => OK
Positive topic words: 12.0 8.42114695341 142% => OK
Negative topic words: 2.0 2.4623655914 81% => OK
Neutral topic words: 0.0 2.75985663082 0% => More neutral topic words wanted.
Total topic words: 14.0 13.6433691756 103% => OK
What are sentences with positive/Negative/neutral sentiment?

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Rates: 76.6666666667 out of 100
Scores by essay e-grader: 23.0 Out of 30
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Note: This is not the final score. The e-grader does NOT examine the meaning of words and ideas. VIP users will receive further evaluations by advanced module of e-grader and human graders.

flaws:
Sentence-Sentence Coherence: 0.033 0.07

Attribute Value Ideal
Final score: 26 in 30
Category: Very Good Excellent
No. of Grammatical Errors: 0 2
No. of Spelling Errors: 0 2
No. of Sentences: 17 15
No. of Words: 391 350
No. of Characters: 1884 1500
No. of Different Words: 236 200
Fourth Root of Number of Words: 4.447 4.7
Average Word Length: 4.818 4.6
Word Length SD: 2.555 2.4
No. of Words greater than 5 chars: 127 100
No. of Words greater than 6 chars: 96 80
No. of Words greater than 7 chars: 59 40
No. of Words greater than 8 chars: 37 20
Use of Passive Voice (%): 0 0
Avg. Sentence Length: 23 21.0
Sentence Length SD: 9.732 7.5
Use of Discourse Markers (%): 0.529 0.12
Sentence-Text Coherence: 0.298 0.35
Sentence-Para Coherence: 0.541 0.50
Sentence-Sentence Coherence: 0.033 0.07
Number of Paragraphs: 5 5

This essay has no improvement to the last essay which is 26 too:

http://www.testbig.com/independent-toefl-writing-essays/tpo-30-independ…

the warning message:
Sentence-Sentence Coherence: 0.033 0.07

is left by e-grader, but not serious.
----------------------------

The difference of scores are judged by over 50 attributes, not because of Sentence-Sentence Coherence only.

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To remove this flaw, you will need to stick to the topic sentence. for example:

making a big money is another noticeable support. //this is the topic sentence.

Having four days free provides folk a great chance to find another part time job or start a new private business and therefore make countless profit to gratify with their life. //this will stick to the topic sentence since it has 'part time jobs'

In additional, these free days can be used to orient and improve individual’s skill or efficiency by learning new information and knowledge about trade and commerce rules and perhaps reach to an extreme rate of interest. //look at this sentence, it is no longer sticking the topic sentence that much. the human graders can understand what you are going to say, but the e-grader can't. You may drop some topic words like 'money', 'fund', etc to make e-grade understand.

Can you please explain

1) what mean the following factors:

Sentence-Text Coherence
Sentence-Para Coherence
Sentence-Sentence Coherence

2) How you measure mentioned factors?

3) How can I improve told factors (if possible)?

Sentence-Text Coherence means the Coherence between sentences to whole essay
Sentence-Para Coherence means the Coherence between sentences to paragraphs
Sentence-Sentence Coherence means the Coherence between sentences to sentences

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the Coherence is measured by some technologies like: NLP (natural language processing), machine learning...

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So how to improve the coherence? Let's look at the pattern again:

Para 1: introduction. my choice: A or B. agree or disagree. (suppose we support side A)

Para 2: First, reason 1 (1 sentence) + why reason 1(some arguments. 2-3 sentences) + examples for reason 1 (around 1 sentences) + small conclusions (like advantages of reason 1 or comparisons if not reason 1, 1-2 sentences).

Para 3: Second, reason 2, blabla... do the same thing as First

Para 4: Third, reason 3....or something like: Admittedly, there are some advantages of side B. first,....second...However, there is no causation/relation... Still I support side A, ...first,....second...

Para 5: Conclusion.

you have some issues around the bold words:
Para 2: First, reason 1 (1 sentence) + why reason 1(some arguments. 2-3 sentences) + examples for reason 1 (around 1 sentences) + small conclusions (like advantages of reason 1 or comparisons if not reason 1, 1-2 sentences).

you simply need to stick to the topic sentence to get better coherence.