TPO 39 - integrated writing
At the end of Triassic period, a mass extinction occurred that killed half of living species. The article present some theories about what happened at that time; however, the professor do not consider these hypothesis as a good explanation for what had happened in that period.
First, the article writes that the sea level fluctuated at the Triassic period, causing destruction of coastal and shallow-ocean species which resulted in a change in worldwide food chain.The professor, however, declare that the fluctuation occured gradually, like millions of years, and just a sudden decrease can deminish coastal and shallow-ocean species, so this theory is not acceptable.
Second, we read in the passage that volcanoes released a massive amount of sulfur dioxide that cooled global climate and led to extiction of many animals, but the lecturer states that the released sulfur dioxide combined with water presented in the air, and fell down in form of rain, so it did not stay in the air for a long time to destroy many of the animals.
Third, the article says that a huge asteroid hit the earth and threw a lot of debris in atmosphere which blocked the sunlight for months, and many plnats died so resulted in declining the number of other animals. In contrast to that, the speaker indicate that no sign of asteroid is found that could prove this theory. Actually the oldest crater that is found is related to twelve million years after the extinction.
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Comments
Essay evaluation report
a mass extinction occurred that killed half of living species
a mass extinction occurred and killed half of living species
The article present some theories
The article presents some theories
the professor do not consider
the professor does not consider
and led to extiction of many animals,
and led to the extinction of many animals,
the speaker indicate that
the speaker indicates that
Sentence: First, the article writes that the sea level fluctuated at the Triassic period, causing destruction of coastal and shallow-ocean species which resulted in a change in worldwide food chain.The professor, however, declare that the fluctuation occured gradually, like millions of years, and just a sudden decrease can deminish coastal and shallow-ocean species, so this theory is not acceptable.
Error: occured Suggestion: No alternate word
Error: shallow-ocean Suggestion: shallow ocean
Error: deminish Suggestion: diminish
Sentence: Second, we read in the passage that volcanoes released a massive amount of sulfur dioxide that cooled global climate and led to extiction of many animals, but the lecturer states that the released sulfur dioxide combined with water presented in the air, and fell down in form of rain, so it did not stay in the air for a long time to destroy many of the animals.
Error: extiction Suggestion: extinction
Sentence: Third, the article says that a huge asteroid hit the earth and threw a lot of debris in atmosphere which blocked the sunlight for months, and many plnats died so resulted in declining the number of other animals.
Error: plnats Suggestion: plants
flaws:
No. of Grammatical Errors: 5 2
No. of Spelling Errors: 5 2
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Attribute Value Ideal
Final score: 21 in 30
Category: Good Excellent
No. of Grammatical Errors: 5 2
No. of Spelling Errors: 5 2
No. of Sentences: 7 12
No. of Words: 245 250
No. of Characters: 1182 1200
No. of Different Words: 140 150
Fourth Root of Number of Words: 3.956 4.2
Average Word Length: 4.824 4.6
Word Length SD: 2.512 2.4
No. of Words greater than 5 chars: 92 80
No. of Words greater than 6 chars: 68 60
No. of Words greater than 7 chars: 41 40
No. of Words greater than 8 chars: 19 20
Use of Passive Voice (%): 0 0
Avg. Sentence Length: 35 21.0
Sentence Length SD: 19.317 7.5
Use of Discourse Markers (%): 0.857 0.12
Sentence-Text Coherence: 0.401 0.35
Sentence-Para Coherence: 0.737 0.50
Sentence-Sentence Coherence: 0.089 0.07
Number of Paragraphs: 4 4
can you suggest how Can I
can you suggest how Can I make it better ? should I add more detail from the speaking?
First, remove those
First, remove those Grammatical Errors and Spelling Errors:
No. of Grammatical Errors: 5 2
No. of Spelling Errors: 5 2
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and Yes, you may add more content from the lecture. basically, 25% from reading, 75% from lecture.
Read sample essays from ETS:
http://www.testbig.com/users/toeflwritingmaster
Grammar and spelling errors:
Line 1, column 202, Rule ID: THIS_NNS[2]
Message: Did you mean 'this hypothesis' or 'these hypotheses', 'these hypothesises'?
Suggestion: this hypothesis; these hypotheses; these hypothesises
... however, the professor do not consider these hypothesis as a good explanation for what had happ...
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Line 3, column 189, Rule ID: SENTENCE_WHITESPACE
Message: Add a space between sentences
Suggestion: The
...ted in a change in worldwide food chain.The professor, however, declare that the fl...
^^^
Transition Words or Phrases used:
actually, but, first, however, second, so, third, in contrast, in contrast to
Attributes: Values AverageValues Percentages(Values/AverageValues)% => Comments
Performance on Part of Speech:
To be verbs : 4.0 10.4613686534 38% => More to be verbs wanted.
Auxiliary verbs: 2.0 5.04856512141 40% => OK
Conjunction : 8.0 7.30242825607 110% => OK
Relative clauses : 15.0 12.0772626932 124% => OK
Pronoun: 18.0 22.412803532 80% => OK
Preposition: 33.0 30.3222958057 109% => OK
Nominalization: 6.0 5.01324503311 120% => OK
Performance on vocabulary words:
No of characters: 1221.0 1373.03311258 89% => OK
No of words: 244.0 270.72406181 90% => OK
Chars per words: 5.00409836066 5.08290768461 98% => OK
Fourth root words length: 3.95227774224 4.04702891845 98% => OK
Word Length SD: 2.60383337919 2.5805825403 101% => OK
Unique words: 148.0 145.348785872 102% => OK
Unique words percentage: 0.606557377049 0.540411800872 112% => OK
syllable_count: 367.2 419.366225166 88% => OK
avg_syllables_per_word: 1.5 1.55342163355 97% => OK
A sentence (or a clause, phrase) starts by:
Pronoun: 1.0 3.25607064018 31% => OK
Interrogative: 0.0 0.116997792494 0% => OK
Article: 7.0 8.23620309051 85% => OK
Subordination: 0.0 1.25165562914 0% => More adverbial clause wanted.
Conjunction: 4.0 1.51434878587 264% => Less conjunction wanted as sentence beginning.
Preposition: 3.0 2.5761589404 116% => OK
Performance on sentences:
How many sentences: 7.0 13.0662251656 54% => Need more sentences, or put a space between two sentences.
Sentence length: 34.0 21.2450331126 160% => OK
Sentence length SD: 116.095667799 49.2860985944 236% => The lengths of sentences changed so frequently.
Chars per sentence: 174.428571429 110.228320801 158% => OK
Words per sentence: 34.8571428571 21.698381199 161% => OK
Discourse Markers: 11.0 7.06452816374 156% => OK
Paragraphs: 4.0 4.09492273731 98% => OK
Language errors: 2.0 4.19205298013 48% => OK
Sentences with positive sentiment : 1.0 4.33554083885 23% => More positive sentences wanted.
Sentences with negative sentiment : 5.0 4.45695364238 112% => OK
Sentences with neutral sentiment: 1.0 4.27373068433 23% => More facts, knowledge or examples wanted.
What are sentences with positive/Negative/neutral sentiment?
Coherence and Cohesion:
Essay topic to essay body coherence: 0.0169468730696 0.272083759551 6% => The similarity between the topic and the content is low.
Sentence topic coherence: 0.00538159259546 0.0996497079465 5% => Sentence topic similarity is low.
Sentence topic coherence SD: 0.0131821558624 0.0662205650399 20% => Sentences are similar to each other.
Paragraph topic coherence: 0.00941778704206 0.162205337803 6% => Maybe some paragraphs are off the topic.
Paragraph topic coherence SD: 0.0163120856517 0.0443174109184 37% => Paragraphs are similar to each other. Some content may get duplicated or it is not exactly right on the topic.
Essay readability:
automated_readability_index: 19.6 13.3589403974 147% => OK
flesch_reading_ease: 45.43 53.8541721854 84% => OK
smog_index: 3.1 5.55761589404 56% => Smog_index is low.
flesch_kincaid_grade: 15.4 11.0289183223 140% => OK
coleman_liau_index: 12.31 12.2367328918 101% => OK
dale_chall_readability_score: 9.46 8.42419426049 112% => OK
difficult_words: 64.0 63.6247240618 101% => OK
linsear_write_formula: 18.0 10.7273730684 168% => OK
gunning_fog: 15.6 10.498013245 149% => OK
text_standard: 16.0 11.2008830022 143% => OK
What are above readability scores?
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It is not exactly right on the topic in the view of e-grader. Maybe there is a wrong essay topic.
Rates: 3.33333333333 out of 100
Scores by essay e-grader: 1.0 Out of 30
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Note: the e-grader does NOT examine the meaning of words and ideas. VIP users will receive further evaluations by advanced module of e-grader and human graders.