The position of women in society has changed markedly in the last twenty years. Many of the problems young people now experience, such as juvenile delinquency, arise from the fact that many married women now work and are not at home to care for their children. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this position?
Some people believe that the condition of recent life in the world, effects women’ position to change from the past habit. In the previous twenty years, women were under men’s pressure, such s staying at home, taking care of children, and cooking in the kitchen. In the contrary, nowadays, there are many married woman prefer to choose doing their career than taking care of their household activity.
Recently, there are many countries support education for both man and woman. It gives the opportunity to the equal right for both to have the same school since they are child until adult. Seeing this condition, many women take that chance to taste the course as highest as most men have. It affects the women to make them busy to study while they are in school. After years, the women feel that they have to contribute their life in job opportunity as they have the basic knowledge for work. Accordingly, most feel useless if they just stay at their home without making their career outside their home.
Besides, the financial condition is also another reason for married women to do their career. They reckon that they cannot only depend on their husbands’ money to support their financial needs. As the consumerize people, most think that they will be happier if they can buy women’ stuffs like jewelry, cloths, bags, or shoes with their own money. In addition, it is also a good idea for them to help their husbands to fee their children’ needs.
In the contrary, the married women sometimes should not pay attention too much for their work. They also need to take care of their house, especially their children. They have to remember that the basic development of children has correlation with the home condition. The marriage women ought to collaborate with their husbands to create the comfort atmosphere for their children such as paying attention to their school, playing around with them, or just accompanying them to finish their homework. Thus, the children can be humble people in their home and their society.
To conclude, even though the condition of education and the financial needs sometimes forced the married women to walk out home, they also should give their best treatment for their house, especially their children.
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Sentence: Some people believe that the condition of recent life in the world, effects women' position to change from the past habit.
Description: A noun, plural, common is not usually followed by a noun, plural, common
Suggestion: Refer to effects and women
Sentence: In the contrary, nowadays, there are many married woman prefer to choose doing their career than taking care of their household activity.
Description: The fragment woman prefer to is rare
Suggestion: Possible agreement error: Replace woman with women
Sentence: It gives the opportunity to the equal right for both to have the same school since they are child until adult.
Description: The fragment child until adult is not usually preceded by are
Suggestion: Possible agreement error: Replace child with children
Sentence: Accordingly, most feel useless if they just stay at their home without making their career outside their home.
Description: The word most is not usually used as an adverb
Suggestion: Refer to most
Sentence: As the consumerize people, most think that they will be happier if they can buy women' stuffs like jewelry, cloths, bags, or shoes with their own money.
Error: consumerize Suggestion: No alternate word
flaws:
No. of Grammatical Errors: 4 2
Still have grammatical issues.
Need to develop the sentences smoothly.
Attribute Value Ideal
Score: 6.5 out of 9
Category: Good Excellent
No. of Grammatical Errors: 4 2
No. of Spelling Errors: 1 2
No. of Sentences: 19 15
No. of Words: 378 350
No. of Characters: 1812 1500
No. of Different Words: 184 200
Fourth Root of Number of Words: 4.409 4.7
Average Word Length: 4.794 4.6
Word Length SD: 2.205 2.4
No. of Words greater than 5 chars: 111 100
No. of Words greater than 6 chars: 76 80
No. of Words greater than 7 chars: 53 40
No. of Words greater than 8 chars: 30 20
Use of Passive Voice (%): 0 0
Avg. Sentence Length: 19.895 21.0
Sentence Length SD: 6.553 7.5
Use of Discourse Markers (%): 0.474 0.12
Sentence-Text Coherence: 0.314 0.35
Sentence-Para Coherence: 0.531 0.50
Sentence-Sentence Coherence: 0.1 0.07
Number of Paragraphs: 5 5