78 The following appeared in a memo from the vice president of a food distribution company with food storage warehouses in several cities.
"Recently, we signed a contract with the Fly-Away Pest Control Company to provide pest control services at our fast-food warehouse in Palm City, but last month we discovered that over $20,000 worth of food there had been destroyed by pest damage. Meanwhile, the Buzzoff Pest Control Company, which we have used for many years, continued to service our warehouse in Wintervale, and last month only $10,000 worth of the food stored there had been destroyed by pest damage. Even though the price charged by Fly-Away is considerably lower, our best means of saving money is to return to Buzzoff for all our pest control services."
The author suggests returning to Buzzoff for pest control service because the value of the food destroyed in Wintervale, controlled by Buzzoff, is less than the one in palm city by Fly-Away pest control company. this argument is plagued by a number of assumptions.
The writer reports the lost in palm city, controlled by Fly-Away pest control company, by pest damage is twice of the one controlled by Buzzoff in Wintervale. An assumption here is that both sides have the same food and the identical background to assess the loss in Wintervale and palm city, however some credentials has to be presented before the comparison is made. if both locations have kept exactly the same amount of food, environment condition, and the same weather, then we may make a comparison. Yet if the location of palm city is in tropical and Wintervale in high latitude, the former is more vulnerable to pest damage. unless the author could present essential evidence to provide full weather detail, conservation environment and how much value of food kept in two locations, the returning should not be considered.
Moreover, the author suggests that even the price of Fly-Away is lower than Buzzoff, however, as implied in the argument, because of more loss by Fly-Away, it is recommended to return to buzzoff for all our pest control services. The statement is based on the assumption that Fly-away costs more Buzzoff in overall, considering service fee and lost by pest damage, so it is better to return to Buzzoff. this inference is not clear, however, more details are required to provide. if the cost of Buzzoff is less than Fly-Away under the same condition and the same conserving scale, then it does make sense. On the other hand, if the food controlled by Fly-Away is ten times as much as Bzzoff is, then the percentage of loss by pest damage in palm city is only one-fifth compared to the one in Wintervale. Thus, the author needs to offer the evidence about cost and the mount of business controlled by both companies.
even though the price charged by Fly-Away is really lower than Wintervale, the assumption based merely on the last month performance is problematic. The performance in last month could not be fully-representative obviously. For example, probably, Fly-Away had superb performance without any loss by pest damage until last month; Wintervale had terrible results until last month. unless the more past data are demonstrated to be fully representative, the author is barely to conclude that Buzzoff is a better choice.
In order to make the argument more cogent, the author needs to address the questions above mentioned.
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Comments
Essay evaluation report
Attribute Value Ideal
Final score: 4.0 out of 6
Category: Good Excellent
No. of Grammatical Errors: 0 2
No. of Spelling Errors: 0 2
No. of Sentences: 12 15
No. of Words: 440 350
No. of Characters: 2141 1500
No. of Different Words: 182 200
Fourth Root of Number of Words: 4.58 4.7
Average Word Length: 4.866 4.6
Word Length SD: 2.728 2.4
No. of Words greater than 5 chars: 151 100
No. of Words greater than 6 chars: 118 80
No. of Words greater than 7 chars: 80 40
No. of Words greater than 8 chars: 53 20
Use of Passive Voice (%): 0 0
Avg. Sentence Length: 36.667 21.0
Sentence Length SD: 16.849 7.5
Use of Discourse Markers (%): 0.667 0.12
Sentence-Text Coherence: 0.427 0.35
Sentence-Para Coherence: 0.679 0.50
Sentence-Sentence Coherence: 0.174 0.07
Number of Paragraphs: 5 5
Grammar and spelling errors:
Line 1, column 1, Rule ID: WHITESPACE_RULE
Message: Possible typo: you repeated a whitespace
Suggestion:
The author suggests returning to Buzzoff...
^^^^^^^
Line 5, column 213, Rule ID: UPPERCASE_SENTENCE_START
Message: This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
Suggestion: This
... city by Fly-Away pest control company. this argument is plagued by a number of assu...
^^^^
Line 9, column 370, Rule ID: UPPERCASE_SENTENCE_START
Message: This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
Suggestion: If
...resented before the comparison is made. if both locations have kept exactly the sa...
^^
Line 9, column 634, Rule ID: UPPERCASE_SENTENCE_START
Message: This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
Suggestion: Unless
...rmer is more vulnerable to pest damage. unless the author could present essential evid...
^^^^^^
Line 13, column 404, Rule ID: UPPERCASE_SENTENCE_START
Message: This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
Suggestion: This
..., so it is better to return to Buzzoff. this inference is not clear, however, more d...
^^^^
Line 13, column 480, Rule ID: UPPERCASE_SENTENCE_START
Message: This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
Suggestion: If
..., more details are required to provide. if the cost of Buzzoff is less than Fly-Aw...
^^
Line 17, column 1, Rule ID: UPPERCASE_SENTENCE_START
Message: This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
Suggestion: Even
...ness controlled by both companies. even though the price charged by Fly-Away is...
^^^^
Line 17, column 380, Rule ID: UPPERCASE_SENTENCE_START
Message: This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
Suggestion: Unless
... had terrible results until last month. unless the more past data are demonstrated to ...
^^^^^^
Line 21, column 1, Rule ID: WHITESPACE_RULE
Message: Possible typo: you repeated a whitespace
Suggestion:
...e that Buzzoff is a better choice. In order to make the argument more cogen...
^^^^^^^^^^^
Transition Words or Phrases used:
however, if, may, moreover, really, so, then, thus, as to, for example, on the other hand
Attributes: Values AverageValues Percentages(Values/AverageValues)% => Comments
Performance on Part of Speech:
To be verbs : 26.0 19.6327345309 132% => OK
Auxiliary verbs: 4.0 12.9520958084 31% => OK
Conjunction : 9.0 11.1786427146 81% => OK
Relative clauses : 4.0 13.6137724551 29% => More relative clauses wanted.
Pronoun: 11.0 28.8173652695 38% => OK
Preposition: 66.0 55.5748502994 119% => OK
Nominalization: 19.0 16.3942115768 116% => OK
Performance on vocabulary words:
No of characters: 2219.0 2260.96107784 98% => OK
No of words: 440.0 441.139720559 100% => OK
Chars per words: 5.04318181818 5.12650576532 98% => OK
Fourth root words length: 4.57997565096 4.56307096286 100% => OK
Word Length SD: 2.83834338688 2.78398813304 102% => OK
Unique words: 196.0 204.123752495 96% => OK
Unique words percentage: 0.445454545455 0.468620217663 95% => OK
syllable_count: 691.2 705.55239521 98% => OK
avg_syllables_per_word: 1.6 1.59920159681 100% => OK
A sentence (or a clause, phrase) starts by:
Pronoun: 3.0 4.96107784431 60% => OK
Article: 12.0 8.76447105788 137% => OK
Subordination: 8.0 2.70958083832 295% => Less adverbial clause wanted.
Conjunction: 2.0 1.67365269461 119% => OK
Preposition: 5.0 4.22255489022 118% => OK
Performance on sentences:
How many sentences: 18.0 19.7664670659 91% => OK
Sentence length: 24.0 22.8473053892 105% => OK
Sentence length SD: 49.7264430238 57.8364921388 86% => OK
Chars per sentence: 123.277777778 119.503703932 103% => OK
Words per sentence: 24.4444444444 23.324526521 105% => OK
Discourse Markers: 4.94444444444 5.70786347227 87% => OK
Paragraphs: 5.0 5.15768463074 97% => OK
Language errors: 9.0 5.25449101796 171% => OK
Sentences with positive sentiment : 2.0 8.20758483034 24% => More positive sentences wanted.
Sentences with negative sentiment : 12.0 6.88822355289 174% => OK
Sentences with neutral sentiment: 4.0 4.67664670659 86% => OK
What are sentences with positive/Negative/neutral sentiment?
Coherence and Cohesion:
Essay topic to essay body coherence: 0.206943450533 0.218282227539 95% => OK
Sentence topic coherence: 0.0675243333904 0.0743258471296 91% => OK
Sentence topic coherence SD: 0.0731404744517 0.0701772020484 104% => OK
Paragraph topic coherence: 0.121774835496 0.128457276422 95% => OK
Paragraph topic coherence SD: 0.084072192565 0.0628817314937 134% => OK
Essay readability:
automated_readability_index: 14.5 14.3799401198 101% => OK
flesch_reading_ease: 47.12 48.3550499002 97% => OK
smog_index: 8.8 7.1628742515 123% => OK
flesch_kincaid_grade: 12.7 12.197005988 104% => OK
coleman_liau_index: 12.25 12.5979740519 97% => OK
dale_chall_readability_score: 8.06 8.32208582834 97% => OK
difficult_words: 90.0 98.500998004 91% => OK
linsear_write_formula: 13.5 12.3882235529 109% => OK
gunning_fog: 11.6 11.1389221557 104% => OK
text_standard: 13.0 11.9071856287 109% => OK
What are above readability scores?
---------------------
Rates: 66.67 out of 100
Scores by essay e-grader: 4.0 Out of 6
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Note: the e-grader does NOT examine the meaning of words and ideas. VIP users will receive further evaluations by advanced module of e-grader and human graders.